Till death do us part?

It’s no secret that my favorite fairy tale is Cinderella. My dream was to be Cindy, meet a prince, get married and live happily ever after. When you are 5yo, “happily ever after” seems easy, and very attainable.

Who am I kidding, when I was 5yo, I equated “happily ever after” to wearing a huge white dress, with a veil, carrying a bouquet of beautiful flowers and walking down the aisle to the tune of “Here Comes the Bride.” 

Marriage = Wedding = Happily Ever After

Hysterical right? How naïve can one person be????

I met the husband a week before I turned 25 (which I thought was “middle-aged”). It was a blind date (orchestrated by our mothers) and we went to dinner and drinks in Hoboken.

The Husband was 30 and I had no idea what the hell he would want to go to dinner with a 24yo for (again naïve). There were no sparks that first night but we continued to casually date all through the summer.

A year later we were engaged and I immediately started planning the wedding. For 2 years, I was consumed with thoughts of tablecloths, bridal registries, table centerpieces and whether or not the bridesmaids should wear open toed shoes (in my defense it was  the late 1990s).

The wedding took place in July 2000 and it was lovely. Yes, there were some snags (lead singer of the band was sick and my veil ripped) but I loved my wedding gown and I was FINALLY married. From this point forward I would always have a date, someone to watch tv with and take to the movies. I would never be bored again and life would be one big fairy tale.

That was 12 years ago and I can honestly tell you, that I was 100 percent, completely and utterly wrong on that!!

Looking back I had no right to marry anyone when I did. I was 25 and still living at home when the husband and I met. My “life experience” consisted of college and my “bills” consisted of college loans and a car payment on my 1995 Dodge Neon.

I was self-absorbed, selfish and had no clue what a marriage entailed. Much to my surprise, marriage was NOT about the wedding. The wedding was a celebration -  THE MARRIAGE was for real. It was 2 people living together, combining 2 lives, sharing responsibility as well as a bed and bathroom.

O-M-G!!

The husband and I have had our share of good times, bad times and all that comes in between. It is not always easy and not always happy. There is stress over financial obligations, the kids, work and the house. Arguments over laundry, who does more and who is right.  

There is also laughter over how nuts our families are, pride in how much our kids have grown and a sense of comfort in having been with the same person for 15 years.

A couple of years ago, the husband and I had hit a rough patch and decided to give marriage counseling a try. We were both ambivalent but felt like we had to do something, especially with there being 4 kids involved.

I researched counselors, determined NOT to find someone who would give us “homework” or make us share our feelings in a journal. The day of our fist appointment with Dr. P was tension filled, similar to how you feel before getting blood work or a root canal.

Our appointment was during lunch and Dr. P ushered us into her tiny office and told us to “make ourselves comfortable” on the couch. We sat down (about 10 feet apart) and both stared at the wall in utter disbelief that we had gotten to this point. Dr. P explained that her patient was “the marriage” and that what she was there to “help” us work on it. (you can  imagine all the sarcastic comments going through my head at this time).

I am not going to tell you that counseling has been magical and the husband and I are now living happily ever after. Hardly. It is a lot of work and compromise but we are in an ok-place for now.

This morning the husband was emptying the dishwasher and told me he had a ticket for the Big Game lottery. I forgot the actual amount but it is something like $100,000,000.00.

What would we do if we won? he asked, putting away the silverware. Split the money and go our separate ways! we both said simultaneously with a chuckle.

Hey, at least we both agreed right?

Seriously, I have no idea what the future has in store for us and our family. We may break up at some point or wind up being married another 50 years. I guess only God knows for sure.

I have grown up A LOT in the past 15 years and it’s safe to say that I am not the same person I was when we met. The same can be said of the husband too. In some ways we have grown together and matured and in others we have grown apart.

Some may think this is bad but I think it is a normal and good thing. You should be able to grow and change over time. What fun would life be if we just stayed exactly the same our whole lives??

ps – If we win the Big Game I promise to do an update

The Other Woman (sort of)

The husband and I met on a blind date (arranged by our mothers) in May 1997. We had dinner and drinks in Hoboken and have pretty much been together ever since. We will celebrate our 12th anniversary this July and have raised 2 dachshunds and have 4 boys. After all this time, it is safe to say that we know each other pretty well and rarely keep secrets (unless one of us did some shopping on Amazon or at The Loft).

The husband is a bit obsessive and becomes a little OCD with hobbies. There was mountain biking, jet skiing, beach biking, kayaking, canoeing, fishing, model making, photography, golfing and even a brief bird watching stint. When the husband is in OCD-mode with the “Hobby Du Jour” there is not much that can distract him,  and while it bothers the hell out of me sometimes, I usually grin and bear it.

However, there is one obsession that I can not compete with and it has been in our lives almost our entire married life. The husband has spent countless hours visiting, organizing and admiring it and is VERY particular about who or what can visit it. He will disappear on a Sunday morning or after dinner and come home hours later refreshed and happy. It is….his storage unit.

My mom and I have joked for years that “storage unit” is a code the husband uses for his girlfriend since he spends so much time there. The storage unit came into our lives when we moved in together and has been with us ever since. Seasonal items, childhood memories, tools and other random stuff periodically finds  its way to the storage unit where it becomes their new home.

The husband is meticulous with how things are organized there. My brother once watched as the husband rearranged the entire thing to make room for couches. Little by little everything came out and was put back in only a way the husband can manage.

The other day I got a text letting me know that he was going to visit the storage unit after work. There was a promotion going on and the husband was able to get a bigger unit for only $5 more a month – to him this was very exciting. He came home with a huge smile and told me all about his plans for the extra space. He even went so far as to map it out (literally) on graph paper.

Last night the husband started moving our stuff into the larger unit and he was gone for hours. This morning he told me all about the stuff he found and the shelving he installed. He also let me know that he is going back there tonight and every other night until it is finished.

I am a little jealous of all the time and attention the husband gives the storage unit but who am I to try and come between a man and his man cave. Besides, it could be worse, all that stuff could be in my house!

Lunch Date with…..the husband

Plan B Menu (Photo credit: Qi-Guang)

After lunch last week, IT Guy and I decided that we are past the initial ”dating” stage and at a point where we can be ourselves. For IT this means we can eat at Cheeburger Cheeburger and/or  Steak & Hoagie. For me, it means I didn’t  have to go out of my way to iron an outfit before work. 

Honestly, I hadn’t expected another lunch date for a couple of weeks based on our “dating” history, so I was surprised to get an email email asking if  I was free for lunch on Wednesday.

After a little debate, Cheeburger Cheeburger was chosen, mostly  because IT had heard you could get your picture taken holding a stuffed cheeseburger if you were able to consume some absurd amount of beef in one sitting (boys will be boys).

I mentioned my “date” to the husband last night and he made a face before saying Again? 

This morning I was making lunch for J and I toyed with the idea of making myself a ham sandwich. What if IT cancels  I will have nothing to eat.  Nah, he won’t cancel again.

I logged into my computer today and the first email I see had this written in the re line need to postpone lunch. Damn it, I should have made that sandwich after all!!

In his defense, someone was in the hospital and he had sent the email the night before so I wouldn’t whine that I had no lunch be without lunch. However, since I refuse to hook my work email up to my Iphone I sat at my desk with nothing for lunch but some lifesavers and a can of tuna.  Then an idea hit me, I’ll email the husband and ask if he wants to go to lunch!

Our text exchange went like this:

me: My date was canceled.

him: lol, why?

me: I dunno, someone was sick….wanna meet at the Tale?

him: K…you gonna pick me up?

I know, you are jealous of how alive our romance is after 12 years right?

Anyway, I picked up the husband at 12:20 and the first thing he says is OOOHHH…so you dress up for your dates huh? To which I reply Uh no, you never see me in my ‘work clothes’ this is how I look everyday. And off we went to the Tiger’s Tale.

After sitting in traffic (Hubby hates traffic) we got situated at a table in the bar and flipped through the menus. We made small talk over what to order, how the kids were after he left for work and if we would have a birthday cake for J tonight.

The waitress came to take our order (she was WAY too happy) and we stared at each other as only a married couple of 12 years with 4 kids could. Finally I broke the silence I am surprised you said yes to lunch?

The husband looks at me and smirks before saying Well yeah, I showed your text to Rick and he said I was your Plan B. But i figured we never go to lunch – and I may have points to use toward the bill (The Tale awards points for each purchase that can be redeemed at a later date).

After we were finshed and waiting for Happy Waitress to bring the check I asked the husband if he thought I would blog about our date. He started laughing (hard). What? What are you laughing at? I asked.

Still laughing  Rick told me he felt a blog coming on when you asked me to go to lunch  he said while pretending to be typing on the table.

I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or not so I told the husband that our lunch was not blogworthy and asked if he was ready to go.

Later that afternon, I sat at my desk daydreaming (and stapling – my career is very exciting) and thought it was kind of funny that I texted the husband for a lunch date only after IT Guy canceled AND that he said yes AND called himself Plan B.

Well hubby, here you go, your first blog. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for lunch!! 

ps - Rick, I did not almost “run you over” in the parking lot