My pseudo long, lost daughter

This past Tuesday I was given the honor of chaperoning the annual PLD Kindergarten Class Trip 2013. Please…hold your applause (for now at least). It really wasn’t that big a deal. Pretty much everyone asked to  chaperone picked but still, for me it’s the little things in life (LOL).

So at 8:50am me and some hot mama chaperones (Mrs. Mayor and Hot T-ball Mom) boarded the big, yellow school bus for our destination Jenkinson’s Aquarium in Pt. Pleasant, NJ (Yay Jersey Shore!!).

Oh, I jumped ahead of myself, before boarding the bus, we were each assigned a list of “monkeys” (the kids we would be chaperoning). Mrs. Mayor and HTM were each given 4 kids while I hit the jack pot with just my kid J (the quiet twin) and his friend L.

YES!! Only 2 kids how great is that??!!  I thought. You see, I was just a tad bit nervous about this whole chaperone thing….because….well….I am not really good with kids.

Yes, I know, I have 4 but they are mine. I carried them for 9 months and gained 80lb, 50lb and 50lb respectively. They belong to me and I am obligated to love and care for them – JUST KIDDING – I love my kids but they are MINE.

And being mine they “get me” and know what they can/can not get away with. My boys know all my “looks” and that when I call their name using a certain tone that they are in BIG TROUBLE.

I shared my concerns about chaperoning with the husband and he said not to worry and  stay close to HTM (she’s a teacher in real life) and everything would be fine.

Finally the 2 school buses were loaded with 73 kindergarten kids and off we went.

Have you even been on a school bus with 40-something 5-6 year olds on a class trip??? If you have not been lucky enough to experience it, I really don’t know how to accurately describe the noise level.

I guess it was equivalent to when Mrs. Jeter and I had floor seats to Bon Jovi back in 2001 and could barely hear ourselves for the 2 plus hours we were there.

Holy crap can those kids yell!!! OMG it never stopped. Between that, the annoying dad chaperone who thought it was “fun” to do knock-knock jokes the ENTIRE ride and L and S who could not stop hitting/kicking/touching it was a long ride and this mama was missing her coffee.

Finally we arrived at the aquarium and the teacher Mrs. P told us we had to break up into groups of 17 (wtf??). I had just started gathering my stuff to get off the bus when I heard Mrs. P call my name. Uh oh…

Mrs. L?? One of our mommies did NOT show up to chaperone so I am giving you 2 kids from the am class in addition to the 2 you have. That’s ok right? Oh, by the way, they are 2 girls – Sam and Karis.

WHAT????!!!

Mrs. Mayor and HTM laughed (a lot) as we tried to get our 17 kids to stand in a line. It was like herding cats getting these kids to not only stand but form a line. Here are some highlights:

L stand on the white line, no the white line in front of you…it’s right there. No, S you can not sit on the ground, you need to stand up, stop crab-walking. J get back in line, no the white line. S stop touching L. Boys and girls can we all stand in a straight line??? Please??? and finally Hey! whoever does not stand on the white line has to go back on the bus!

Mrs. P then told us that we had some time to kill and that we could either take our groups on the beach or walk the board walk. We unanimously picked beach.

O-M-G was I really on the beach???? Us moms were trying to take it all in. The beach, the salt air and the sun while also looking around for any visible damage leftover from Hurricane Sandy.

Just as I was trying to take a picture of myself with the ocean in the background (to post on FB of course) Mrs. P walked Sam and Karis over to me. Girls, this is Mrs. L you make sure you stay with her today ok? Yes they chanted in unison.

When I looked down at them to say hi, I was drawn to Karis. She was THE cutest little thing!! Long, brown hair with the sides pinned up wearing cute pants. Her smile was huge and she had big brown eyes and was always smiling. You could just tell she was a sweet girl and would be a pleasure to chaperone – unlike L who was throwing sand.

I was commenting to Mrs. Mayor how cute she was when Mrs. Mayor said ha, she could be like the daughter you never had.

OMG that was it….Karis was the epitome of what I always thought my little Ava/Hanna/Grace/Abby/Bryn would look like and grow up to be. I was smitten <3

Throughout the field trip I watched all my “kids” but always kept my eye on J (because he was mine) and Karis (because she was supposed to be mine). I watched her interact with the other kids, touch the starfish and squeal with delight when Lucy the Seal came out to say “Hi.”

During lunch I had to help her open her water and she was telling me all about her new little brother and her little sister and how her aunts and cousins and grandparents are staying with her in her house – but they don’t live there all the time. SOOOOO freakin’ cute.

It was such a change from the Lego, Ninjago, poop and Skylander talk me and my men have.  I love my boys and would never trade them n in but I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like to have had just 1 girl.

Someone to dress up in pink and take for manicures and to the mall. Someone who would never “leave” me the way all boys eventually do when they get married and start their own lives.

I am often asked if I will ever “try for the girl” and my answer is NO! that shop is closed tight!! God has a plan for me and it did not involve girls – although I did give it my all (lol).

73 kids waiting patiently in line

My Quiet Twin

Summer is almost here!

I am THE MEANEST mommy ever

This has been a crazy week at Casa Chaos with me going back to work and the kids settling into another new routine. I thought we were all adapting and told myself by next week it should be good – well as good as it can ever be with 4 young boys.

I will admit that I may not always be the most patient mother, especially in the mornings before (and during) coffee, but my children (2 in particular) could really test the patience of a saint at times.

Whenever I tell someone  I have 4 boys, within seconds this response follows

“4 boys really?? You going to try for the girl?? oh….well… you are lucky boys are SO much easier than girls.”

I laugh and change the subject thinking about how nuts my house is 24/7.

Lately my “older” twin M has been a little moody. Not sure if it is the terrible 6s, a mid-life crisis or maybe his room isn’t zen enough. Ever since the womb, M has been either hot or cold.  There is no in between with him.

One minute he will tell me he loves me SOOO much and the next he’ll tell us he wants to live alone.

I remember the first time M yelled I hate you!!! It was like a kick to the stomach.

How could my M, my little Bugman, say such a thing to me HIS OWN MOTHER???!!!! I carried him AND his brother for 37 1/2 weeks and gained 80 pounds! I have done everything for him and he has the nerve to hate me?????

I remember telling Mrs. Jeter and she laughed and said her son tells her that all the time. Other friends told me the same thing and after a while I got over the hurt.

Now M says it to me almost daily so the words don’t sting or even phase me – mostly. Once in a while it gets to me and instead of ignoring it,  I  tell him to go find a new mommy. I have even offered to help him pick one out from the
“New Mommy Catalog.”

A week or so ago, M and I were arguing over something “important” (probably chicken nuggets or juice) when he got really upset and yelled YOU ARE THE MEANEST MOMMY EVER!!!!

Gasp – say what????!!

I can’t remember what set M off that day but I gave him some time to cool off. I didn’t bother him or try to talk to him until he had calmed down. A little while later he came over, sniffling and wiping tears, and told me he was sorry and he loved me and I was the best mommy.

So sweet right??

Well since then M has told me at least 5 or so more times that I am a “mean mommy” so I thought I would make a list of all the mean things I do and share it with my friends in blogosphere.

In no particular order, here are M’s reasons why I am THE meanest Mommy ever:

1) I always make him take a shower/bath when he is playing Legos

2) All I ever make is chicken and chicken is dumb

3) He is never allowed to have soda and Mommy and Daddy drink it and it’s just NOT FAIR

4) I refused to buy him the $400 Death Star Lego and some other random $50 Star Wars ship at a recent trip to Target

5) How dare I pick him up from after care and not bring snacks with me

6) When M is in time out, I don’t  allow him to have a cookie or watch tv

7) I always make him get dressed for school when he is watching tvf

8) We never have any good snacks, he is sick and tired of Cheez Its, Goldfish, cookies and crackers they are SO BORING

9) M wants to live alone because our house is too loud and messy

10) OMG how could I not have jean shorts for him to wear to school today???!

This list is just from the past week or so, and as you can see, I am THE meanest mom alive! Poor M, he has no idea what he is in for in the years to come (lol).

Enjoy your Thursday!!

ps – This list is just from the past 2 weeks, I am sure I will update it soon

I quit

Yes friends out there in the great blogosphere, I am quitting. What you may ask? Have you finally found a new career, one that will take me away from the tidias daily grind of being a paralegal extraordinaire??

Sadly no – though I am open to suggestions (keep it clean though, this is a family friendly blog lol).

I think it’s time that I quit my other full-time job. The job that has me working 24/7, no overtime or holiday pay and did I mention NO SALARY!

Give up?

Why it’s mommyhood of course.

Wait, before you go getting all über judgmental about how great being a mom is and how it is THE most important job in the universe, please let me defend myself.

First, I love my kids all four boys ages 6, 6, 4 and 3. I would do anything for them and would probably stand in front of a moving vehicle for them (unless maybe it was a huge tractor-trailer – JUST KIDDING).

My boys are my pride and joy and it amazes me each day that they are all mine and that I didn’t break them in infanthood.

I was able to withstand, colicky babies, reflux as the doctors like to call it, 2 bouts of pyloric stenosis (which require surgery and a hospital stay), jaundice, anemia, RSV and 4 ear infections at the SAME time and let’s not forget J with his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

Through it all I have tried to maintain a positive outlook (well as positive as I could be) and was always able to find humor (no matter how small) in any given situation.

Each time we survive one crisis I think to myself ok, we got through this, I did it! We can do it again…God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle right??

After this morning though, I feel like I am done. I have done all there is to do and now it is up the husband, or the boys or my mom (JK), to take over.

There wasn’t one little thing that set me off really, rather, a compilation of all the things I met this weekend that has sent me seeking new employment.

Blame it on the weather, PMS or my back being out (yes, I have hurt my back AGAIN) but the kids really did me in this past weekend.

I don’t think it was one thing in particular, it was pretty much the same old Saturday and Sunday.

The little kids fought all weekend, L made J cry more times than I could count. The twins complained when they had to get dressed and leave for baseball practice and pictures.

The house looked like a disaster each time I cleaned it up and no matter who I asked to help me straighten the living room, the response was always the same but I didn’t do it…whhhyyyyy do I always have to heeelllpp??!

M told me he wanted to change his name – this happens a lot and I have actually gotten used to it. So far he has been Geo, Michael and now Roger. To think, I spent months agonizing over what to name this kid and he is happy with the name Geo.

Let’s see what else? Oh, 3 kids have colds which is always fun. J (ASD boy) has taken to waking up at 5am on weekends and weekdays. Twin J thinks he is sick but refuses to speak so it’s like playing 20 questions to guess what his ailment is.

M decided he hated his entire family, especially me, because there were no bagels for his breakfast on Sunday and he was bored all day AND he was sick of sharing the Wii Star Wars Lego game!

L thought it was great to play hide and seek in my just made bed and to play with the switch on my heating pad.

After I had taken a muscle relaxer the 2 little kids thought it would be good to sit on my bed and kill each other over the iPad and Mommy’s phone that was charging and M declared that he was NOT going to bed because he was going to play Star Wars. After I threatened to take away his toy laser gun if he wouldn’t go to bed he looked at me and said (completely serious) Here, just take it I am going to play downstairs.

This morning I thought we would start fresh, but the weekend behind me. The back was still hurting but at least I could stand straight and it was a new week.

I was almost done making lunches when M came downstairs. This is what followed.

M -  Mom, what are you doing with that bagel? 

Me –  Oh, I am making it for your lunch today.

M – Umm no thanks. I don’t like it.

Me – Yes, you so, since when? If you don’t take this for lunch what do you want?

M – I don’t know, maybe Goldfish?

Me – Goldfish is not lunch M, pick something? Do you want cereal, a sandwich, the bagel what? what do you want?

M – Nothing , I only want Goldfish why do you always tell me no, I wannnnnnt Goldfish. That’s not fair.

Me – Fine, don’t eat then, I don’t care (as I threw the buttered bagel into his lunch bag and zipped up his back pack.

After this exchange I got to fight with L over getting dressed and going to school (L thought he would stay in “his house” today). I also argued with J that cookies were not a breakfast item and that he had to clean up the crayons that covered my kitchen floor.

The last straw came when I very nicely, told the twins it was super cold out and perhaps it would be better if they wore sweatshirts to school and not the shirts they had picked out last night.

M was NOT happy. He told me (again) how is wasn’t fair and he was NOT wearing a sweatshirt!

I lost it. Instead of taking the high road and walking away, I heard myself say something like

Fine, wear the dirty Angry Birds Star Wars t-shirt and freeze, I don’t care. While you are at it, why don’t you get a new Mommy since I do nothing right for you. You know what, you seem to know so much, why don’t you just go out and get your own apartment while you are at it!

As if that response wasn’t good enough, I ended it with a dramatic slam of my bedroom door (yes, I know I am 40 and the adult but whatever).

After I was dressed and ready to warm up the van, I spotted M sitting all by himself in his room. He was looking out the window wearing the gray sweatshirt I had picked out.

I felt like crap! M looked so innocent sitting there, playing with the nightlight – we have told him a million times NOT to play with.

I went over and hugged him and told him I loved him. We decided he could keep me for a mom since we would both miss each other if he got a new one.

Together we walked downstairs and proceeded to put on coats, hats, gloves and mittens. Everyone was dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go.

You know what, maybe this mom stuff isn’t so bad I thought, as I pulled on my pink gloves and reached for my keys.

Let’s go, everyone to the car I said and at that moment, M spilled his entire cup of orange juice all over the floor.

Oh My F’n God, I must be on candid camera! I yelled to no one (the kids were in the car) as I cleaned up the orange juice. How can this be my life?? I said as I slammed the front door shut and drove to the bus stop.

The spilled oj was it. I am done, I quit.

Don’t worry, I will resume my mom duties today again at 5pm when I get the twins from after care and go home and start dinner. It is not a glamorous life but it’s my life – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Lol, who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Rockabye Baby

Can I let you in on a little secret??

I LOVE babies. I know, I know, I have 4 boys, of course I like kids. But no, that’s not it. I REALLY, REALLY love babies.

Not all babies, mind you. No, my love is for the tiny, new infant that sleeps while swaddled in a blanket and completely rocks your world.

Some people think I am nuts. Newborns are fragile, crying creatures who can’t figure out their days from nights. They leave you exhausted and on the brink of a meltdown while peeing and pooping every hour.

On the flip side, a newborn is SO tiny and cute and just a living miracle. They can’t talk back or say “NO!” and more importantly they are immobile. I can not tell you how many times I have placed a swaddled (well…maybe not swaddled the husband and I never really grasped that concept) infant in the middle of my bed as I folded laundry or took a shower and he stayed there!!

My mother thinks I am totally insane. The size of a newborn alone scares her. Not me, the smaller the better. Actually, I have no preference since my kids’ birth size ranged from 6lbs 3 oz (a twin) all the way to 8lb 13 oz. I love them all.

When I was pregnant with my twins, people assumed that this was it for me and that the husband and we were “done” so to speak. Two babies at once, what more could you want right? Well, sort of. The husband was DONE but I just couldn’t shake that “baby fever” feeling.

As the twins got older, I would pass pregnant moms in the park or at Target and feel a strong pang, a longing deep in my gut. I knew I needed another baby.

Oh, you just want to try for the girl, I was told maybe a gazillion times. Yes, a girl would have been AWESOME but it was a baby I wanted. I didn’t care what its gender, I just wanted to hold, rock and breathe in that baby scent.

Be careful what you wish for. Baby 3 came 2 years after the twins and 18 months later we were “surprised” with baby 4.

Four boys under the age of 3 living in a 2 bedroom townhouse in the winter of 2010 was NOT  fun! It was anything but fun and more like madness. My baby fever washed away forever.

Now when I saw pregnant women or a baby I felt NOTHING but exhaustion. For years, people said you would just “know” when you’re done having kids and by golly they were 100% right. There would be no more kids for me, no, never!

The shop was closed and the “pang” I once felt was gone for good.

The other moms and I would laugh at all the new mommies and pregnant women had waiting for them in the coming weeks and months. I would try to be sympathetic to concerns over binky rejection, diaper rash and the occasional OMG Johnny only took 2.9oz two hours and 45 minutes ago and now he’s crying and he is not due to eat for another 15 minutes!!

I was elated that all the “baby” stuff was behind me.

Whats not to love????!

Then last night I was mindlessly browsing Facebook when I noticed my blogging mentor CC posted a new picture of her and her new baby niece.  Oh no.

O-M-G was that baby CUTE!! CC looked so happy holding the baby with her semi-bald head that for a minute I swear, I felt the “pang” return. For the briefest of seconds, I could feel myself being brought back in time to when I was holding my own little, semi bald baby. Ahhhhhh was all I could think.

This morning I woke up and thoughts of CC’s niece kept popping in my head. I love babies! And then…….

J threw 10 uber ASD-tantrums over everything from his broken blue crayon to the “hook” (i.e. hood) on his shirt. L was screaming at me because I dared to snap the last snap on his fireman raincoat and M was VERY angry at me for asking him not to yell at his brother J its six o’clock!!! when his other brothers were sleeping.

I was in the middle of drying my hair, trying to get ready for work, when J bust into the bathroom crying (fake tears btw) because his dvd player was not fully charged and L was not far behind telling me he wanted fruit. The twins were yelling because they had to pick out their own clothes for school and M let me know he was NEVER taking cereal for snack.

Needless to say, the “pang” left soon after and I wouldn’t be lying if I told you I hope to NEVER feel it again.

I think I will always love babies but from now on I will simply love them from afar.

Decisions, decisions, decisions

English: Razor Pro Model built in Feb. 2010 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today is the twins 6th birthday.  I remember crying, in a drug induced fog, when they wheeled me back into my hospital room repeating over and over again OMG it’s 2 boys?!

The twins have been complete opposites since the womb. M has always been high maintenance, always needing to be seen and heard and be right. J is very laid back, doesn’t like a lot of attention and is quite content to be watching tv or looking at car magazines.

M wants EVERYTHING he sees on tv and whatever the newest trend is (currently he loves Legos, ninjas, Batman and The Avengers). J could care less about any of the Avengers and would rather have a Matchbox car than a Lego.

When the boys go to Target M picks out 100 things he wants (and needs) as soon as we walk in the store. J can take an hour to decide between a blue and green Monster Truck.

The boys are like night and day which is fine except when it comes to birthdays (and Christmas) and what kind of present(s) they want. M started making a birthday list on December 26th. Everyday he looked at the calendar to see how far away June was and demand to know why he was born in the summer and not winter.

J also looked at the calendar but rarely mentioned anything he wanted. If he did see something he liked, it was usually something BIG that cost over $200 (new bike, dune buggy, ATV).

As their birthday approached, the husband and I (well more me) started to worry about what to get the twins. M was pretty easy since he had a never-ending list but what about J?? I kept thinking an idea would just come to me but one never did.

Desperate,  last night I asked J if he wanted to go to TRU with me (alone) to pick out a present. Shocked he asked  M isn’t coming? Just me and you? and quickly got his shoes and ran to the van.

We got to the store and I told J to pick out whatever he wanted (within reason) and he just stood there. I coaxed him inside and we walked up and down EVERY SINGLE AISLE and J saw NOTHING he wanted. We repeated this THREE MORE TIMES and still he saw nothing he wanted.

Now it is after 8pm and I am just amazed that this kid can not pick out 1 toy in the entire TRU. His brother would have had 3 carts filled by now, heck, his father would have had a cart filled!

 I was getting tired so I started rattling off a list of stuff, begging him to pick something, anything so we could leave. Wii game, skate board, scooter, RC car, Lego????? Nah was all I got.

I sat down on a box and pulled J close to me. I looked him in the eyes and told him (ever so calmly) that the store was closing and he had to pick something or we were leaving. He stared at me with his big, hazel eyes (he is so cute!) and I could see him processing what I said. FINALLY he decided upon a scooter (we only had to stare at the scooter for 15 minutes until he found one he liked).

J fell asleep on the way home and looked so happy and peaceful. It is rare that I am ever alone with J and I think he was truly happy just being with me with no interruptions or brothers telling him what to do.

Happy Birthday to my men and many more!!!! 

Wordless Wednesday

Arrrrgh – how could someone so cute and lovable be so impossible and stubborn???????!!! (and no I am not talking about me in the picture).

Happy Wordless (sort of) Wednesday

OMG I’m NOT a girly girl?!

Belle (Photo credit: Valerie Reneé)

I have always considered myself a girl’s girl and at times I guess a girly girl. I LOVE to shop and get my nails done and nothing makes me happier than a new lip gloss (you should have seen my smile when Bobbi Brown changed the size of her shimmer glosses).

When I was growing up I assumed I would have 2 kids - a boy and a girl. My husband would play with the boy while me and my girl would shop and get manicures and have lunch together. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would have a daughter, it was a given.

Imagine the complete and total shock I felt on June 27, 2006 when (at about 1:19pm) I was told I was the mom to not 1 but 2 baby boys!!!!!!!!!! I was in a state of shock for hours afterward (that and the drugs from the c-section and high blood pressure) and could not comprehend how I would be able to raise 2 boys. What the heck do boys play with and OMG there are NO cute boy clothes!

The years went on and 2 more boys joined my brood. After L was born I accepted that I was never going to have a girl and that God must have a reason for blessing me with 4 boys. It’s ok, I have a niece, I will make her my pseudo daughter.

When my niece was born (2 months before the twins) I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to shop for her. Baby clothes, especially for girls, are SO much fun. I loved all the little hats and accessories too.

As my niece Belle got older though something changed. I would talk to her and go to stores and I realized that I had no idea what little girls liked. I would walk into Gap or Gymboree and be clueless about what was “cool” and what Belle would like. OMG what was happening??

Who knew that little girls wear leggings under EVERY skirt or dress and that purple NOT pink was their favorite color. How the heck was I supposed to know that pjs for girls came with little frilly tutus that went over the pj bottoms - at my house all we cared about were monster trucks and Spiderman.

I would see little girls at the mall and be shocked at how they dressed (how old are you?) and sometimes envious of their Ipod touches with designer cases and Coach handbags. Wow, girls are not what I thought.

This past Saturday was Belle’s 6th birthday, the theme was Monster High Ghouls – wtf is that?! She was having girlfriends over to her house to decorate cupcakes and make jewelry and said my boys could come over AFTER her friends left. The boys were happy with that since they had zero desire to make jewelry and hang out with a bunch of “burls”.

Friday night I went to Children’s Place to get Belle a gift card and outfit. Should be easy enough right? WRONG. I walked in and went to the girl section and just stood there in a state of shock and wonderment. I have never been on acid but after being on “that side” of the store for over 30 minutes I could only imagine that is what it feels like.

The music was blasting and everything was pink, purple or turquoise and covered in glitter or lace. There were leggings and bike shorts and tunics and tank tops. Everywhere I turned there were headbands and flip-flops or lip glosses and let’s not forget the jewelry. I walked around in a daze until finally I managed to put together turquoise bike shorts with a tee and headband.

At Belle’s party the next day me and the boys walked into a sea of purple, silver and black balloons with pictures of the Monster High Ghouls all over. Everywhere we looked there were mini Belles dressed in leggings with sequin or lacy tutus over them. The girls all giggled and ran around occasionally whispering something to their friends.

 As we ate our Hannah Montana birthday cake I realized how far removed from girls I am and how I can no longer in good conscious call myself a “girly girl”. 

A true girly girl would have known what Monster High dolls Belle had and what is new in the world of Barbie. A girly girl would know that jewelry making is fun (really?) and that all the bike shorts and flip-flops  in the world can not compete with a Justin Beiber nightgown (ugh!).

I guess there is a reason God gave me boys. After all, my boys think I am the girliest girl they know and hopefully I will never have to worry about them stealing my lip gloss or borrowing my favorite earrings.

Yes I am TOO sexy for my minivan

Plymouth Grand Voyager minivan. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My first car was a 1995 white Plymouth Neon.  Neons had just come out and it was SUPER exciting to FINALLY have a car at the age of 22. No more begging friends/family to drive me places or let me borrow their car. Never again would I have to sit in my friend R’s basement and hear OK, who wants to drive her home tonight?

The Neon was great, it got awesome gas mileage and was good to me for years. Around 2000 “she” hit 100,000 miles and started to get “sick” and the husband and I realized it was time to let her go. No worries, I got another Neon except this one was a Dodge Neon and it was silver AND it had power locks and windows (I was living the high life). I loved my Neon and she loved me.

When I became pregnant with the twins in 2005 people immediately asked if I would be trading in the Neon for an SUV. Hell no!! Two car seats will totally fit in the Neon and the trunk is huge. Believe it or not the car seats did fit AND we had packing the trunk down to a science. We could even make a BJ’s run and cram it all in the car. We were happy, life was good.

Then came 2008 and I found myself pregnant again. No way were 3 car seats going to fit in the Neon it was time to upgrade. My first thought was SUV, NO WAY would I let the M-word enter my mind, I would NOT drive a minivan!! The husband and I started to price SUV’s and it became clear I was going to have to look into a minivan – YUCK!

I was in denial for weeks and wouldn’t discuss it. The husband did all the research and would come home with brochures and talk about things like “stow and go seating” and “automatic doors” and “trunk space” like that would make any difference to me.  How could I ever drive a minivan??!! It was huge and boxy and just screamed Mom On Board.

March 2008 the husband drove home our brand new 2009 Town and Country Minivan with the stow and go seats (it was one of the saddest days of my life). The twins were THRILLED and couldn’t get inside fast enough. I was 7 months pregnant and miserable. I refused to drive it and pouted. The husband told me it drove like a dream, bragged about its comfort and showed everyone the trunk space (just what a girl cares about). My friends who had minivans told me I would “love it” and would appreciate the  automatic doors when it rained. NEVER!

In a last-ditch attempt to make me accept the van, the husband upgraded the radio and installed some touch screen radio/cd/dvd player. Yipee, now I could blast my top 40 music in a van with the windows down – that screamed “cool mom”.

Eventually I gave in and drove the van (we had gotten rid of the Neon so I had no choice). Time went on and we added another car seat  to the van and portable dvd players hung from the seats. It was a total kid-friendly minivan and I was its principle driver.  I would make excuses not to have to drive friends or co-workers though because inevitably they would look in the back and say “WOW you have 4 car seats?!”

The van has been good to us (mostly). It gets pretty good gas mileage and I can fit a lot in the trunk. The automatic doors have even helped to wrangle in the kids from time to time. As much as I like the can, however, I will NEVER love it. There is just too much baggage associated with it and a stigma attached to being an owner of one.

People judge you before you exit the vehicle. They assume you are a mom with a ponytale, sporting a jogging outfit, carrying a big diaper bag with screaming kids in tow. Forget ever trying to look “cool” in it. Nothing is more pathetic than blasting music (even if it is cool music) in a van, with the windows down, at a traffic light.

I am told that eventually, when the boys get older, I can trade the van in for a  vehicle with 3 rows. Unfortunately, kids in NJ seem to be in a booster seat until they are teens (or at least that is what it feels like) so for now I will just envy the non-van drivers I see on the road and wonder if they know how lucky they are.

Honey, I “forgot” to feed the kids lunch today

French bread sandwich with fries. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t leave the husband alone with the 4 kids all that often. There are food-shopping trips on a Sunday or a Target run but that is never more than an hour or two so it’s not a big deal.  If I know I will be gone longer I try to do as much as I can before I leave (feed/dress kids, crock pot, etc) to ensure it’s an easy day for both the husband and me.

Today I was meeting a friend for lunch and I knew I would be gone at least 3-4 hours. It was a sunny Saturday so I figured the husband would just play around with the kids outside most of the morning. The boys were THRILLED that daddy was home from work today. I dressed the younger kids and made sure everyone had breakfast before I left.

Lunch was great. It was so fun to be out with another adult who is funny, smart and interesting. We chatted away about everything from playdates to baby showers to whether a bridesmaid dress can ever be re-used (NO!). Apparently we were having a little too much fun because after 2 hours, our waitress (with the bright purple eyeshadow) told us we had to leave because we were taking up her table (you can imagine the tip that remark earned her).

I was in a good mood on the way home and decided to stop for margarita mix. I texted the husband to see if he needed anything. Thinking he would say beer you can imagine my surprise when I got this as a response

yes, lunch for kids

Huh? It was 2pm, how  could the kids not have eaten lunch by 2?! My blood pressure rose as I drove home after making a stop at DD for munchkins (the lunch of champions). The kids ran up to me and the munchkins like they had been on a deserted island without food or water for months.

I thought I would try a new approach with the husband. Instead of pouncing when I saw him, I handed him an iced coffee and asked how his day was. As he sipped the ice coffee I asked how exactly it was that the kids had not eaten, by now it was 2:30. His response was very matter of fact, Oh, I forgot and they wanted to wait for you to get home.

Ok here is my problem, how do you “forget” to feed 4 boys lunch? Maybe if the kids were infants the husband could forget what time a bottle was due or that the baby could have applesauce. However, when you have 4 boys who range in age from 5-2, how do you just “forget” to feed them? The husband remembers to feed himself. I met him when he was 30 and he was not starving by any means. He remembers to feed himself  lunch at work and he is capable of getting a beer from the fridge so it can’t be a physical problem.

I started to worry that there was something wrong with the husband.  He is older than me, could he be losing his mind? Can you get Alzheimer’s at his age?  Worried I confided in my friends and was SHOCKED by what they told me.  Their husbands do the same thing – they “forget” to feed their children, and even change a diaper, while they are out!

OMG it’ s an epidemic among husband and fathers!! What should we as moms and wives do? Is there a pill they can take or a class that will “remind” them to feed their children? Do we try to get a government grant to study this problem and see if there is a cure?

I am going to think about this a little more. I guess for now I will just have to prep the kids to remind daddy to feed them if mommy isn’t home, after all the kids NEVER have a problem telling me that they are hungry/thirsty. I’ll keep you posted on my progress

Bubbles and Sidewalk Chalk

I was very behind on my Easter Bunny duties this year and found myself in Target (my home away from home) late last Wednesday night. The Easter aisles were completely picked over and desperation was starting to take over. Hmmmm, maybe J would really like the fairy princess headband and didn’t M say he wanted a pack of white t-shirts?

It was getting late and I needed to finish up and get home. I did a last lap around the store and came up with 2 things to complete the Easter baskets – sidewalk chalk (the 64-pack by Crayola because this Bunny was sparing no expense) and bubbles. Hopefully the boys would be distracted by all the candy and snacks and not be too disappointed with the chalk and bubbles.

Easter morning came and the baskets were hurriedly torn apart. There were candy wrappers, half eaten lollipops and plastic grass all over the living room. As the kids started to come down from their sugar high, they noticed the bubbles and chalk on the counter and asked if they could go play outside.

The weather was beautiful on Easter. The sun was out and bright and there was a nice breeze, it was a perfect spring day. The boys patiently waited for us to open the the bubbles and dig around the soapy bottles to find the wands. Before we knew it the yard was a sea of bubbles as the kids chased one another and laughed till their sides hurt. L alternated between spilling his bubbles and saying more bubbles? every 5 minutes.

Soon the twins broke open the chalk and before we knew it, the sidewalk was one endless, artistic masterpiece. The husband and I stared in amazement as all 4 boys, spread out on the chalk covered sidewalk, and not only shared the chalk,  but drew pictures without fighting! It brought me back to my childhood and playing hop scotch outside my grandparent’s house. I used a rock to draw my masterpieces, now the kids were using chalk in colors I never knew existed and loving every minute.

When it was time to come in for lunch they were literally covered in chalk from head to toe. Normally I would roll my eyes and complain about their messy clothes. However, not today. Watching them enjoy themselves and be truly happy was all that mattered. The clothes could be wiped off but nothing could wipe away their smiles.

Who knew something so small could make 4 kids so happy? I guess it is the little things that matter after all.