trying to find myself and humor in life

Bowling pins, cupcakes and memories

Today the kids and I went to my nephew’s 3rd birthday party at a bowling alley. When I got the evite last month my first thought was not excitement it was dread.  Me with 4 kids at a bowling party on a Saturday afternoon?? Was my sister-in-law insane? It would be crowded and loud and the kids would be all over the place. How the heck would I be able to help the twins bowl and keep an eye on J? I had visions of L running up and down the lanes hitting the pins or someone crying that they wanted to go home. What would I do if someone dropped a bowling ball? Poor me.

I had done it again, instead of being excited for the kids to try something new, something they may like, I made it all about me, my anxiety and my fears. I hate this about myself. While I don’t think I play the pity card too often, I do use it more than I should. Usually I play it before a party or some sort of social gathering when I will be responsible for my kids and other people will be around to see (and possibly judge) me and my  parenting. What will people think if L is running all over or if the twins cry? Will they think I am one of those mothers that lets their kids do xy & z? Will they think I am a flustered mess?

Well I survived the party and the kids had an absolute blast bowling. All my worrying was for not since no one paid any attention to me.  Why would they? Today was not about me and my insecurities it was about a 3yo’s birthday and his cousins having a great time trying something new. During the party I took a minute to take it all in, to watch all my kids and really look at the smiles on their faces as they would throw the bowling ball and watch it hit the pins. The excitement as my 2yo got a spare his first time up or the way the kids sang Happy Birthday and fought over Lighting McQueen goody bags. That is what it is all about.

I decided on the way home to make a change. To take a lesson from my own kids and just start enjoying the moment and stop worrying. After all, if I want my kids to enjoy life and trying new things I need to be the one to set the example. So for now I will enjoy my leftover cupcake and look forward to the next birthday invitation and whatever adventure it will bring.


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