My Mid-Life Career Crisis
Every right decision I’ve ever made has come from my gut, and every wrong decision I’ve ever made was a result of me not listening. ~ Oprah Winfrey
I was never really into quotes before, sure I would quote a sitcom or some pop culture reference but that was it. However, since I started blogging I have become more aware of the power of words and quotes. The Oprah quote is one of my favorites. While most of us can not relate to the success of Oprah we can relate to the inner voice and our own inner voice.
Tuesday was a weird day for me. It was my “Monday” at work (I was not in work Monday due to sick kids) and I just had a feeling it would not be a good day at the office. Usually after weekend spent with sick kids I am sprinting out the front door but not yesterday. Even once I got to work, I was sitting in the van dreading the walk into the office.
While at my desk I yelled at myself for worrying, everything looked fine. Then I saw it nestled in my in-box….an email advising my annual review would be at 2pm. Reviews in this office are usually not a big deal. Half the time the lawyers don’t bother to fill them out (they are VERY busy after all) and the cost of living increase is barely noticeable. Still, reading criticism about yourself is not an easy thing to do no matter how “constructive” it is.
2pm came and I dragged myself to the HR office. The 2 people in the room tried to look carefree but I could tell something was up. Well this was how the review began
…this is going to be tough love.
It was like being sucker punched in the stomach. Who the hell wants to hear that at the start of a review?! While the entire review was not negative, let’s just say there were other ways I would have rather spent that hour (root canal, c-section, catheter insertion etc.).
Back in the safety of my cube I wiped away the tissue stuck to my face (gotta love that) and thought there has to be a better way, this can not be what I was put on this earth to do? I was 24 when I chose this career, I was a different person then. That was pre-kids and really pre-life experience.
Now here I am almost 40 (shh please don’t tell anyone) and at a road block. This is not the career I want to do anymore. There HAS to be something, anything, else out there where my skills and personality would be better suited. A career where I can make a difference to someone or something and be happy.
I wish I could walk into the HR office today and hand in my resignation but I can’t. I imagine it would feel exhilarating to walk in, lay the resignation on the desk and leave with a smile on my face but I can’t. I have a family to take care of, kids who need health insurance and a son with Autism who needs out-patient therapies.
Ugh, being a grown up is so hard!!
I am going to use the next couple months (as the big 4-0 approaches) to think about what I want to leave behind in my 30s and what I want to take ahead on my new journey into my 40s (yikes!). Maybe I will take with me a new career path or some new opportunity that I am not aware of yet.
For now I am going to make the best of my situation and do my best at my job, even if I don’t want to. I will not let people here define who I am or chip away at my confidence. No matter what the future brings, I will definitely take Oprah’s advice and listen to my gut.