Rejected by “the mommies” and I lived to tell
The weeks after the birth of a child, especially your first can be very lonely. When you first come home from the hospital there is constant stream of company. Everyone wants to help you and the baby and gifts and meals appear on your counter. As the weeks go by the company starts to dwindle, the husband and your mom go back to work and the only gifts you get are bills from the hospital. Now it it’s just you and the baby – yikes!!
This was my life in June 2006 except I had 2 babies. I felt so alone. My work friends were busy with work and didn’t have time to listen to my funny baby stories. Friends who already had kids didn’t care if I was up all night, since they were up too, and they had their own kid(s) to deal with. The husband didn’t care whether M pooped or J had gas, he was at work. Ugh, never did my house feel so small (relatively speaking).
Then I remembered a nurse talking to me when I was being discharged from the hospital. She happened to live in my town and told me I should join her mommy group. It’s great she said, they will even make you a casserole. I was hesitant, not being much of a joiner, but desperation won out so I made the call to the mommy president.
I remember being so nervous when the answering machine picked up. Do I leave a message? What do I say? Suppose she doesn’t like me? ran through my head.
I waited days for a call back. It was worse than dating since mommies don’t have to follow the 3-day rule. Finally the mommy president called. Her name was V and she was as nice as nice could be. V told me how CUTE it was that I had twins. She asked if they were sleeping through the night (they were maybe 7 weeks at this point) and where I lived in town? This is great, I thought, I’m in!
Not. Do you work? she asked. Why yes! I went on and on about being on maternity leave and how my aunt was going to watch the twins when I went back to work in the fall. Her response (insert passive aggressive tone) Ohhhhh….our members don’t work.
Surely she was joking. It was 2006 was I the only person who had to pay for medical benefits?? Sensing my disappointment she told me I was more than welcome to take part in activities until I went back to work. It was too late, they rejected me. I was a new mom with 2 babies, 60lbs overweight rejected by “the mommies”.
Why don’t you join a twin mom club? my ob-gyn told me after hearing of my rejection at my post-baby appointment. Twins mom huh? That sounds easy enough. I emailed the membership coordinator when I got home and made arrangements to attend then next meeting.
Big mistake. The twins moms were like a sorority high on caffeine. They greeted me with forms to fill out and an explanation of the yearly dues (dues really?). I was also told about all the benefits of membership, the pizza dough fundraiser and mandatory snack duty. What?! I was 34 years old and looking for women to laugh and complain with. Maybe someone to enjoy a drink with (and not the kind that came in a box). Selling pizza dough was not exactly what I had in mind.
Time went on and me and the boys spent our “free” time strolling the aisles of Target or power walking at the park. Fall came and back to work I went. Working full-time and trying to raise twins left me little time to think about joining a club, unless of course, it was a sleep club.
Well that was 6 years ago and I am happy to report that I am just fine (again relatively speaking). In the years since I have made many mommy acquaintances and even a few mommy friends. Heck, I even joined a book club where we “discuss” a book for 10 minutes and then laugh and complain and drink lots of wine – it’s great!