trying to find myself and humor in life

Uncle Sam wants me!

Uncle Sam recruiting poster.

Uncle Sam recruiting poster. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Remember the old Army slogan “We do more before 9am than most people do all day”, it was catchy and the commercial had men jumping out of planes and doing obstacle courses and combat drills. Well friends, that is my mantra except I would change 9am to 7:30am.

A morning in my house could take years off your life. It is just insane and it never gets better, in fact, it gets worse the older the kids get and my kids are not even in grammar school yet.  I can not even let myself think about what mornings will be like when I have 4 kids in grammar school!!

Today started off “fine”. I was deep in a dream (which I can’t remember) and heard this annoying sound coming from my phone at 5:34am. Oh yeah, that is the alarm, better get up (it was easier to make my way out of bed since L was kicking me). I came downstairs showered, with L in tow, and did my usual chores – took dog out, fed dog, made lunches, washed the dishes in the sink that didn’t make the dishwasher run and greeted twins with a happy (albeit forced) Good Morning!

The Keurig had just finished brewing my coffee when L came running into the kitchen.  Silly me thought he wanted a hug but no, he wanted me to sit on the couch and watch Dora. Cute I know but my coffee was waiting for me! I tried to distract him with offers of cereal,  a bottle (sshhh don’t tell please) and even a cookie but all my suggestions were met with a scream. As I attempted to make my way to the kitchen table L had attached himself  to my leg screaming. The yelling went on for a good 20 minutes and it’s funny, because no one paid any attention to it. The husband and I had a conversation over it and the twins each came in to talk to me and just talked over L’s screams. FINALLY he settled for some Cheerios and the tantrum was over.

At one point during the tantrum, L was on my lap and wouldn’t you know it, he had peed through his diaper and pants.  Now I was also wet – yipee. I went upstairs to make the beds and threw in a load of laundry. I chatted with J (who was lounging in bed) and started folding the clothes that were strewn all over the floor in my room. Before I knew it, it was now 7:05 and I still had to blow dry my hair and get dressed. I was just about to turn on the hair dryer when I heard screams coming from the kids’ bedroom. I ran peaked around the corner to see what the problem was – J wanted to play with the nightlight IN THE OUTLET. I tried to reason with him, and when that didn’t work, took  the nightlight and J cried (loudly).

It’s now 7:15 and I am running late. I have to meet a consultant at work today and can’t be late. I had planned my outfit around a pair of shoes (nude, patent wedges) and was puling on my pants when my bedroom door was pushed open. Startled I turned to see M. WHAT???! I asked ever so calmly. M just stared at me and then finally asked Can I play Jetpack on your phone? Really?!

Now it’ s 7:20 and my aunt (the nanny) has arrived. I pick out clothes for all the kids and bring them downstairs, give aunt the stats on who ate breakfast and now start the search for my keys. The dog has to go out AGAIN,  kiss kids goodbye and head for the front door only to hear You forgot socks for J. Run upstairs to find white socks (he will J only wear white socks this week) head to the door and realize M never gave me back my phone. Go to get phone and M is pouting on the couch. Thinking he was having some sort of crisis, I asked what was wrong. M looks away from me and says in his most dramatic tone  I never got to win the game. Better luck next time I responded running out the door. It was around 7:29 and luckily I had time to stop at the bank.

By the time I got to my desk and sat down I was done. I felt like I had run a marathon (ok, maybe a 2K). I know I am not alone and there are others who commute farther and have more kids to get ready AND get to school. I also know this routine will get  harder over the years when the kids realize the beauty of sleep and won’t want to wake up, get dressed and leave for school. For now I will enjoy the silence of my cube (most people don’t come in until 9a), sip my coffee and try not to think about what it will be like when I get home tonight – yikes!!


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