I Have NO Endorphins
It’s been awhile since my last post and I was thinking maybe I was all blogged out. Usually a post will come to me in the car on my way to work and I am able to “run with it” when I get to work (shhh, don’t tell my boss). Lately though my mind has been blank. That is not to say I have had nothing to think about, there is plenty going on in my life with my family and the kids but nothing that would make for an interesting blog.
Just when I thought I would have to throw in the towel on my blogging “career”, yesterday I met with my Health Ease consultant at work. Back in March, I did a post about how I had just spent $40 to join the Health Ease program at work and got myself a pedometer. The Health Ease program is a little similar to Weight Watchers in that you meet weekly with your consultant, get weighed and then discuss your results and/or concerns. Our consultant is a young, very fit man named Jack who also makes chocolate with his wife in his spare time (sounds like the “perfect man” right?)
I avoid Jack most weeks since I don’t really have much to discuss. I tried to cut back on the “snack buffet” that greets me every night after work (i.e. Goldfish, Chips Ahoy cookies, pretzels, Cheese-Its, etc.) but I can not make myself do any form of exercise. I have never been much of an athlete and I do not enjoy any form of exercise. After the birth of each child I walked like Forrest Gump to get the post baby weight off and once I got back into my pre-baby clothes I stopped. I just don’t find it fun at all.
So yesterday I met with Jack and we just stared at each other. There was really nothing to say. No point in getting on a scale since I had done nothing to make the scale move in either direction. Jack had even run out of pep talk type things to say and just flat-out said he could not hold my hand and take me to the gym, I had to get up and go myself. He told me once I started and the endorphins kicked in, I would feel great and want to do it more and be healthy. I rattled off a bunch of excuses, which Jack rebutted, and walked away feeling like a total LOSER.
WTF was wrong with me, why could I not muster up any desire to go to the gym and walk on a treadmill for a half hour?!
When I got back to my desk I called my co-worker Sam (26yo and tan with not an ounce of fat on his body) and asked him to motivate me to go to the gym (Sam works out at lunch religiously). He told me he would come get me at 1pm and I would feel great. Ugh.
Sam showed up in my cube at 1pm (damn it!) and told me it was time to go. I whined and pouted and made up one excuse after another on the elevator ride to the gym. He told me I would feel GREAT once I got on that treadmill and the endorphins kicked in. Again with the endorphins, was it a man thing?
All the treadmills were taken so I stomped my feet (very mature) and got on the elliptical machine for a couple of minutes. I put on my iPod and hoped Mary J. Blige would take me away to the happy, euphoric Endorphin-Land. After 10 minutes I was no closer to Endorphin-Land than I was to Disney World so I hopped on a now vacant tread mill to try again.
After a couple of minutes, I was able to get a nice pace going and I walked my little heart out for 25 minutes. When the Pussycat Dolls song was over I stumbled off the treadmill and waited for the endorphins to kick in. I waited and waited but there was NOTHING. I felt no rush, no high and no happiness. Instead I was sweaty and out of breath and miserable because I had to go back to my desk and work for the rest of the afternoon.
Sam caught up with me later in the day and told me how proud he was of me for going to the gym. He told me tomorrow we would start using weights and it would be great! I just stared at him blankly wondering how the hell anyone could get that excited over working out?
Today I brought my gym bag and I plan on going to the gym at 1pm. I’ll walk on the treadmill and maybe introduce some weights but I can not make any promises. I guess I will keep walking in the hopes that someday I will reach Endorphin-Land, although between you and me I really think my endorphins are dormant and only come out for an extra 40% off sale at The Loft.