Feeling violated (sort of)
When I decided to start blogging I told myself I would not tell any family or friends (except one special Mommy Blogger). It would be my secret, and I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone being offended or knowing too much information about me. Blogging would be a way for me to talk about things that would be too difficult in “real life.”
Well the secret lasted maybe 2 weeks before I caved and told Mrs. Jeter. I was afraid for her to read the blog, especially since Mrs. Jeter is a phenomenal writer. I sat at my desk waiting for her to send me an email with her thoughts (Mrs. Jeter is ALWAYS honest).
Relief washed over me when she liked it and thought it was funny. Slowly, I started sharing the blog with select people on Facebook (the pressure of “stats” was getting to me) and eventually my family. I even worked up the courage to send invites to friends and acquaintances to follow the blog. The only people I was adamant about not sharing the blog with were co-workers and my in-laws.
Things were going fine until this past weekend when the husband and I took the kids to LBI. The kids were eating McDonalds in the kitchen and I had gone out back to see what the husband was up to. He was at the outside table with his parents and looked like he was playing with his phone (a usual occurence). However, as I got closer I noticed that the husband was reading from his phone out loud to his parents.
NO! HE ISN’T? HE WOULDN”T? OMG NO!!!!
Panic started to flood my body and I could feel myself turning varying shades of red as I started to recognize the words that he was saying ….my mom and I often refer to my storage unit as the other woman…
What are you reading? I asked with a shaky voice. Oh, just your blog the husband said. Wait it gets better. My MIL than says Joe has shared a couple of your blogs with us before…they are SO funny (insert fake laughter). I was just so proud of you Honey.
I sat speechless in a chair wanting to just disappear. How could the husband do that? Why the **** would he tell his freakin’ mother of all people and WTF, did she read the one I wrote about her????!!! was all I could think.
Luckily my brother-in-law strutted in with his new girlfriend and the focus was taken off me so we could pretend to be one, big, loving family for the new GF.
On the ride home all I could think about was my MIL reading my blog. She is VERY judgmental and her reading the blog, even if it was just 1 or 2 posts, tainted the experience for me. I felt vulnerable and in a way, violated.
I know the husband didn’t share the blog to be cruel, I get that. I also get that I post a blog on WordPress and anyone can read it. It’s in blogosphere for Pete’s sake. Still, a stranger reading it is not like someone you know.
Just yesterday IT Guy stumbled on my blog and I was totally mortified. He knows me in a certain way at work and to know he was reading my blog totally weirded me out all day – especially when he would quote parts of it to me.
Is it me? I don’t know, maybe I am being overly sensitive. Anyway, I have no idea who reads my posts when they are out in the great blogosphere. I don’t know if people like them, hate them or don’t think twice about them. I guess that is sort of the point of a blog to not worry about what people will say or think and just write what you are feeling or thinking.
ps – I have to think of a way to make sure my MIL never reads my blog again!