I will survive – right?
Here it is after 9pm, on a school night (literally) and I am sitting here with my stomach in knots. There are a million other things I could, or should, be doing but instead I am staring at the computer and picking at my cuticles (and singing Gloria Gaynor to myself).
Why have I made myself a mental case you may ask? Promise not to laugh? Well tomorrow is a big day here. The twins start kindergarten AND take the bus to school. J starts 4yo pre-k in a new ASD classroom with a new teacher AND L has a “playground get together” AND a “classroom open house” for his pre-k class (which also means I have to meet a bunch of new moms too).
Ugh!!! It’s just too much!!
Ok, ok I know the kids will all be fine. I know it will take a little adjustment and before long this new routine will seem like old hat but, for now, it’s making me a wreck.
I decided to separate the twins for kindergarten and this is the first time in their entire lives that they will not have each other to lean on all day (technically it’s 2.5 hours but still). They will have to rely on themselves to make friends and find their way and this scares the crap out of me!!
What if I didn’t teach them all the right things? What if they get picked on? What will happen if J gets hurt or can’t find his way back to the bus? What will happen if M tries to talk to someone and they ignore him? Suppose one of their “bus buddies” is mean?
These are the things that are going through my mind and this is just with the twins. Don’t even get me started on J and L.
J’s school has decided that he is “ready” for a more structured classroom setting complete with more kids, a new room AND a new teacher. Seriously?
When I mentioned how this will be a big adjustment for him, since he has only known 1 classroom for the past 15 months, the staff told me “change is good for J” and “he can’t be too set in a routine” and “after all, he will LOVE this”
Really?! How do we know? It’s not like we can just ask him Hey J, do you want to be in a class with 10 kids and sit in rows and do lessons? Would you love that?
He is 4 and a boy and has autism. Enough said.
L’s situation tomorrow really won’t be that bad. It’s more me I am worried about. I HATE meeting new moms on the playground. It makes me feel like I am 15, standing in the cafeteria looking for a seat (although I had the same seat at the same table in high school all 4 years).
The Playground Moms will all be younger, prettier and definitely thinner than me. Their kids will be well-behaved and greet the teacher with a hardy Good Morning upon entering the playground.
I, however, will be praying that L does NOT hit anyone or throw a tantrum while simultaneously thinking I should have worn another pair of pants because I look fat.
I tried to share my feeling with the husband and my mom today. Neither made me feel any better. Mom asked me when I would have “time to socialize” with the other moms and the husband couldn’t remember what kids were actually starting school, let alone what time the buses would come.
I know, I know, I am being totally dramatic (aren’t I supposed to cut out the drama in my life??) and making tomorrow into a bigger deal than it is.
The twins are going to be fine. Just like they were fine at orientation and summer camp and pre-k. J will adjust to school just like he did last year and L, well… let’s just keep our fingers crossed that L is in a good mood tomorrow.
As for me, I have no idea if I will ever be “fine.” For now I can just hope for the best and believe that 1) I will survive the meeting of the moms – heck, maybe I will even make a “mom-friend” and 2) I will survive the twins getting on the bus (without me) and leaving to start a their new adventure in kindergarten (without me).
All I can really do is just have faith in what I have tried to teach them these past 6 years and hope that they were able to retain at least a little bit.
Tomorrow will be stressful, nerve-wracking and exciting. I will do my best to get through it with a smile (at least in front of the kids) and take lots of pictures.
Wish me luck!