trying to find myself and humor in life

My Fender Bender(s)

Driving home from work last night I was mildly distracted. There was the song selection on the radio, some drama in my head and the fear of what awaited me in my house.

So when the light turned green, I assumed that meant that we hit the gas and move forward – only the turquoise, Toyota Sienna Minivan in front of me did not agree.

The BOOM sound of my fender hitting the Toyota’s bumper jolted me back to reality. Oh Crap!!!!

I pulled the van over to the shoulder, put on my flashers and got out to assess the damage – which looked like nothing to me. The Toyota’s driver stood stunned staring at her bumper (I swear, there was nothing there). We decided to exchange insurance information and phone numbers and call it a night – with her advising that her husband would call my husband to sort through the details (gee, isn’t it 2012??).

The Toyota pulled away and as I merged back into the traffic, it hit me F#@% me, I have to call the husband!!!

The husband is VERY, VERY anal about his possessions, especially vehicles. He is always inspecting the outside looking for scratches, dents or dirt. This was not gonna be good.  I decided it was better to get it over with (i.e. like pulling off a band-aid) so I called him right then

Husband: Hello, what?

Me (sweet voice): HI! Whatcha doing??

Husband: You got in another accident didn’t you?

Me: Eh, I just tapped someone’s bumper, it wasnt bad. I’m sorry. Are you there??

Husband: Great, there isn’t much left to replace on the van…I guess that’s why they call it an accident…I gotta go.

Well that went ok I guess. It would have gone better had it not been for those 2 unfortunate incidents that occurred, within a 2 month period, back in 2010.

Up until 2010,  I had been a decent driver. Yeah I sometimes go over the speed limit, and I can’t parallel park, or back into a spot but I do good enough. My driving record was clean (except for the ticket I got in 2000 but that was a traffic set-up).

Anyway, it was April 2010 and it was a rainy afternoon. I was on my way home from a doctor’s appointment and decided to stop at the bank to get some cash. The radio was on (loudly) and the window was cracked open when I pulled up to the drive-through ATM. I guess I didn’t gauge the width of the lane because soon I head the horrible sound of metal scraping against concrete.

Oh crap!! That’s the van, I scraped the side of the ATM!!!!!! F me!!!!!!!!!

That was my first fender bender (or side scrape) and I was TERRIFIED of telling the husband. When I got home me, my neighbor, aunt and uncle all stood next to the van assessing the damage. We were speechless. Panic invaded my entire being.  There was NO WAY to hide this from the husband (it was the entire passenger side of the van) and he would surely kill me.

My neighbor tried to come up with words of encouragement but it was useless. We all knew I was dead. I made the call and quickly, everyone ran and hid in the house. 

That call went 100x better than I had expected. The husband was worried, wanted to know if kids and me were ok and siad not to worry. We all have accidents and he would look at the van when he got home.

I waited by the front door, sick to my stomach, for the husband to pull up that night. When he finally did I was scared. He was out there FOREVER before coming inside, scratching his head.

WTF did you do??! was all he could say.

Luckily the husband works for a car dealer so the van was fixed in a week, we paid our insurance deductible and all was right with the world.

Until Thursday, June 14, 2010. I had gone back to work that past Monday, after my maternity leave, and was still getting back into the swing of things. I had plans to meet Mrs. Jeter for lunch but the traffic on Route 1 was horrendous so instead, I opted for Quiznos. I decided to get a flatbread salad to go and was on my way back to the office. 

However, to get back to work, required me to cross over 3 lanes of traffic. So I patiently waited while snacking on the  cookie I had just bought. The light had changed and a car in the lane closest to me motioned for me to go,  I pulled out and all of a sudden BAM CRASH!!!!!!!!

Apparently, the Lexus SUV in the other lane didn’t know about the other driver’s courteous gesture and now our cars were tangled together in the middle of a busy intersection at lunch hour.

O-M-G what the F am I gonna do? The husband will KILL ME this time!!!!!!!!! I thought as we waited for the cops to arrive. I saw the other driver start to cry so I quickly mustered up some tears of my own and sat in the van awaiting my fate.

Both cars were deemed un-driveable and we waited FOREVER for the tow trucks to arrive. I called my friend Midgie to come pick me up and she tried to cheer me up. Midge also knew all the cops in town and casually chatted with them trying to get information about the accident.

Finally, cute traffic cop #2 came over and said that he was sorry, but he had to issue me a ticket for careless driving. I cried. He promised it would be fine and we left.

I sobbed on the ride home, upset over having no van, being in my first real accident and having to call the husband and tell him AGAIN what had happened.

Obviously, I survived the husband’s wrath – my punishment was having to drive a lime-green Kia Soul as a rental for a week. The van also survived, though my front license plate has seen better days.

Last night, during bath/bedtime, the Toyota’s owner called my cell phone. It was the husband and he wanted to talk to the man of the house. My stomach tightened in a knot as I tried to make out the conversation over the kids’ yelling.

The husband told me the Toyotas are not going through the insurance company (wth why?) and they are going to bring their van to his dealership this weekend (really?).

I am sure there will be plenty of drama to come. Fingers crossed it is over quickly, after all there is no police report, witnesses or photos.

Just another day in my life….Happy Thursday everyone!


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One thought on “My Fender Bender(s)

  1. Crissy on said:

    I think I did an ok job with words of encouragement! But. Yeahhhh…, I was a little nervous too 🙂

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