When is enough REALLY enough?
Sometimes once in a while Several times a day you are sure to hear me utter/whine/yell the phrase “I’m DONE.” Sometimes it comes after an obvious hard day with the kids or horrible day at the office. However, there are times that the smallest thing, maybe a botched load of laundry or a missing sippy cup, will set me off and I can feel the words forming in my brain before 8am.
Nine times out of ten, I don’t mean what I say. It’s just me being exasperated (and a tiny bit dramatic). Sometimes, though, I really feel like I am done and just can’t do it anymore. Do what exactly? That I am not so sure of. It would depend on the day or even the time of day.
Usually it’s the stress of 4 boys (ages 6 and under) and their daily antics which make me want to run away – I swear sometimes I think people would TOTALLY understand if I ran away for a short time.
Sometimes it’s the never-ending laundry mounds that are constantly staring at me, reminding me of their existence or let’s not forget my “fabulous” paralegal career for which I am known as being “unremarkable.”
Who am I kidding though? None of the above would really make me back my bags and run for the hills. It is all just a part of my normal, everyday (chaotic, exhausting, stressful) existence.
I do wonder what would make me be “done”. What would be my “straw that broke the camel’s back” , or “the icing on the cake” or even “rock bottom” ????
Would it be a big, physical blowout? Getting fired from my job? Or, maybe, it would be something regular and everyday like a text message that would send me over the proverbial edge??
I was scared to turn 40 and stressed and over-analyzed it for years. In my mind, turning 40 meant “the end” of life as I knew it. I woud no longer be “young” but “middle-aged” and what would that mean?
However, I know this will sound a bit cliché, but turning 40 has been almost like a blessing. I can actually look at myself now and know, for a fact, that I am NOT the person I was 10, 15, 25 years ago and that is a WONDERFUL thing.
Unbeknownst to me, over the years I have shed a lot of my not-so-great qualities and grown up.
Funny, I used to always think I was this mature, “grown up” ready for anything. HA!! Being a grown up is NOT easy. There is responsibility and stress times of selflessness that I did not know existed but it’s all good.
I feel changes coming on. I am not sure what they will be but an end is coming and while is scares me to death, I also look forward to it . Yes, soon I will really be “done” and ready for the next chapter. Stay tuned!!