Can I let you in on a little secret??
I LOVE babies. I know, I know, I have 4 boys, of course I like kids. But no, that’s not it. I REALLY, REALLY love babies.
Not all babies, mind you. No, my love is for the tiny, new infant that sleeps while swaddled in a blanket and completely rocks your world.
Some people think I am nuts. Newborns are fragile, crying creatures who can’t figure out their days from nights. They leave you exhausted and on the brink of a meltdown while peeing and pooping every hour.
On the flip side, a newborn is SO tiny and cute and just a living miracle. They can’t talk back or say “NO!” and more importantly they are immobile. I can not tell you how many times I have placed a swaddled (well…maybe not swaddled the husband and I never really grasped that concept) infant in the middle of my bed as I folded laundry or took a shower and he stayed there!!
My mother thinks I am totally insane. The size of a newborn alone scares her. Not me, the smaller the better. Actually, I have no preference since my kids’ birth size ranged from 6lbs 3 oz (a twin) all the way to 8lb 13 oz. I love them all.
When I was pregnant with my twins, people assumed that this was it for me and that the husband and we were “done” so to speak. Two babies at once, what more could you want right? Well, sort of. The husband was DONE but I just couldn’t shake that “baby fever” feeling.
As the twins got older, I would pass pregnant moms in the park or at Target and feel a strong pang, a longing deep in my gut. I knew I needed another baby.
Oh, you just want to try for the girl, I was told maybe a gazillion times. Yes, a girl would have been AWESOME but it was a baby I wanted. I didn’t care what its gender, I just wanted to hold, rock and breathe in that baby scent.
Be careful what you wish for. Baby 3 came 2 years after the twins and 18 months later we were “surprised” with baby 4.
Four boys under the age of 3 living in a 2 bedroom townhouse in the winter of 2010 was NOT fun! It was anything but fun and more like madness. My baby fever washed away forever.
Now when I saw pregnant women or a baby I felt NOTHING but exhaustion. For years, people said you would just “know” when you’re done having kids and by golly they were 100% right. There would be no more kids for me, no, never!
The shop was closed and the “pang” I once felt was gone for good.
The other moms and I would laugh at all the new mommies and pregnant women had waiting for them in the coming weeks and months. I would try to be sympathetic to concerns over binky rejection, diaper rash and the occasional OMG Johnny only took 2.9oz two hours and 45 minutes ago and now he’s crying and he is not due to eat for another 15 minutes!!
I was elated that all the “baby” stuff was behind me.
Then last night I was mindlessly browsing Facebook when I noticed my blogging mentor CC posted a new picture of her and her new baby niece. Oh no.
O-M-G was that baby CUTE!! CC looked so happy holding the baby with her semi-bald head that for a minute I swear, I felt the “pang” return. For the briefest of seconds, I could feel myself being brought back in time to when I was holding my own little, semi bald baby. Ahhhhhh was all I could think.
This morning I woke up and thoughts of CC’s niece kept popping in my head. I love babies! And then…….
J threw 10 uber ASD-tantrums over everything from his broken blue crayon to the “hook” (i.e. hood) on his shirt. L was screaming at me because I dared to snap the last snap on his fireman raincoat and M was VERY angry at me for asking him not to yell at his brother J its six o’clock!!! when his other brothers were sleeping.
I was in the middle of drying my hair, trying to get ready for work, when J bust into the bathroom crying (fake tears btw) because his dvd player was not fully charged and L was not far behind telling me he wanted fruit. The twins were yelling because they had to pick out their own clothes for school and M let me know he was NEVER taking cereal for snack.
Needless to say, the “pang” left soon after and I wouldn’t be lying if I told you I hope to NEVER feel it again.
I think I will always love babies but from now on I will simply love them from afar.