One of my little flaws
Let me begin by apologizing for being a Debbie Downer lately. (In my defense, January has been a rough month and I hope 2013 gets better). No, I am not typically a Suzie Sunshine but I like to think I can find humor in most circumstances (good and bad) and can always be counted on for a sarcastic/smart ass come back.
Yes, I am not one to focus on the positive but I don’t think that necessarily means I am walking around with my head down, waiting for the world to end. I like to think I am pretty typical or at least fairly “normal” in my thinking.
This could also be because I descend from a long line of negative thinkers (on both sides of the family tree) so it is all I have ever known. Also, the older I get, the more I am able to “fake it” in a given situation.
At my office holiday party in December, a co-worker, Jack, was chatting with me at the “after-party”. We were all full of holiday “cheer” and enjoying being out at night without kids when he mentioned he had read my blog.
What? What are you talking about? What blog????? I thought I had blocked you from my Facebook timeline.
Ummm…Your blog, I have read all your blogs..why would you block me on your timeline? was his rebuttal.
I stood there speechless turning 100 shades of red. My mind was reeling, trying to recall if I had even said anything really bad about work or something embarrassing that would come back to bite me in the ass. Having family and friends read my blog is one thing but co-workers?? Ugh, I was not happy.
Quickly, I tried to change the subject. Hey have you seen Midgie, I can’t find her anywhere?? Jack looked around the room and motioned with his head that Midge was safely tucked away talking to another co-worker. Damn it, I was trapped.
I made small talk about the appetizers, offering to go find more napkins, but Jack wanted to discuss the blog – yikes.
I have known Jack since he was an arrogant, first-year associate. He was single, living in Hoboken and thought he knew EVERYTHING (well, he still does). He was never getting married or having kids and he would freak out anytime a deadline was approaching (that’s still true also).
Jack and I had a sort of “love-hate” relationship. We would frustrate the hell out of each with work (I may have shed a tear or 2) but outside of work and deadlines we could talk and joke with each other.
Jack eventually got married and had 3 kids and we sort of bonded. We were the only ones at the office who were able to “get” what it meant having many a LOT of kids at home under the age of 4.
Now here I was, some 10 odd years later, discussing of all things, my blog. I took a deep breath and braced myself for the embarrassment I knew would follow.
You know…I think you focus too much on the negative, Jack said. Sure, life isn’t always easy and the kids are a pain but look at all you have. You will always want more money or a bigger house but you have great kids and a family that loves you. Look at ALL you have and not what you don’t…
Holy crap, who was that man??? Is that the same Jack I have worked with all these years?? Was he just nice to me AND sincere???
Stunned, I thanked Jack for the kind words, told him how much I appreciated them and even hugged him (it was the holidays after all).
Every once in a while, as I am staring at the Word Press page, Jake’s words will echo in my head. I know I dwell too much on the negative. The “could haves” “should haves” and “would haves” but that doesn’t mean I don’t truly appreciate what I have been given and blessed with.
I know I don’t tell friends and family often how much I love and appreciate their help and support. I am humbled by the kinds words and wishes people have had about my blog and I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything (well maybe L since he is high maintenance…JK). I guess it is just one of my little flaws – no one is perfect right?
ps – Jack, if you read this, can I PLEASE be invited to Beer Club lunch just one time???????