trying to find myself and humor in life

Archive for the category “health/fitness”

My very own Magic Mike

So anyone who knows me knows that I am NEVER happy with my weight/appearance – except when I did South Beach back in 2003 but I digress.

I always feel fat,  and having 4 kids and 3 c-sections (in my mid to late 30s) did NOT help matters. It used to be if I wanted to lose weight, I would walk for like a month and cut out some carbs and presto – my pants fit again. Well those days are long gone.

I decided I did not want to become a frumpy mom. I know I will never be a MILF, and/or Stiffler or even Stacy’s Mom, but there is no reason I can’t work with what I got right???

My office has a gym (there are rumors that it won’t be around much longer) and a year ago I started working out at lunch. For motivation, I started working out with Sam (26yo who has worked in my office since he was in high school). Let me tell you a little about Sam.

Sam is VERY in shape. He is a work out freak and very into nutrition and being healthy. You can ask him about any diet fad or even what kind of snack to eat and he will give you an in depth answer with back-up.

Sam’s mom raised him right because he is THE most polite guy around. Not only does he hold doors, and let women go first, he also tells you that you look nice and will comment on an outfit.  

If I didn’t know him, I would probably NEVER work out in front of him, but he has worked here so long, I could care less if he sees me in my yoga pants. I tell him all the time that I am old enough to be his step-mother – and he always tells me NO WAY you are not old at all!  

Sam was not happy with me when I stopped going to the gym. He would come by my cube and ask me to go but I always made an excuse. Eventually he stopped asking and started working out with someone else in the office. Everything was fine until….

My pants got snug. Yikes how can that be? I guess I ate one too many Cheez-Its (let’s not even talk about the leftover fries from the kids). I complained and pouted and finally decided that on August 1st I would go back to the gym. However, I needed motivation and a trainer so I went back to my old pal Sam.

Turns out Sam is taking classes to actually become a personal trainer (he is PERFECT for this) and said he would love to work with me. However, Sam said I had to incorporate weights into my “plan” because muscle burns more fat yada yada yada.

Well yesterday was August 1st and wouldn’t you know it, Sam remembered. He started emailing me in the morning asking what body parts I wanted to work (ummm none) on and what ideas I had (magic pill that makes me thin). Ugh, I wanted to bail, I just didn’t feel like going to the gym but Sam was persistent.

At 1:03pm he arrived at my desk and escorted me to the gym – he made us take the stairs! I pouted and complained but he just ignored me.

Once in the gym, Sam become Mr. Trainer and told me he would do his best but it was up to me to do my best if I wanted to see results (this made me chuckle a little). He then proceeded to show me various  things that would firm up my arms. Sure, no problem how hard could it be.

O-M-G was all I could say. Sam was not kidding when he said to keep my elbows straight and “in the pocket” as he added more weight to the machine. When I would laugh or beg to stop he would tell me to do 3 more and that I was doing great (I told you he is VERY nice).

Finally after sit ups with some ball, it was time for the work out to end. My arms were killing me and I was a little tired. Sam said that was just an orientation and that we would “go hard” starting next week.

I have no idea how long I will keep this up but I have to at least try it. Besides, there are worse things to look at during lunch. 

ps – Sam did NOT want me to take his picture but I begged. I promise to post one of him in work-out clothes soon so you can fully appreciate his “professionalism”


I just paid $40 for a what?!


untitled (Photo credit: holisticmonkey)

My employer has participated in a wellness program for the past  2 years and employees are encouraged to sign up for the quarterly health sessions.  These sessions consist of  a weekly weigh-in and pep talk (given by a very fit trainer) with a occassional guest trainer teaching a zumba class.  If you know me, you know that this is NOT my cup of tea.  Group weigh-ins are not how I want to spend my lunch hour (I don’t care if the scale is in a separate room) so I’ve ignored the emails and stayed in my cube wishing I was 10 pounds thinner or 5 inches taller.

This past Tuesday was the “kick off” lunch and my secretary dragged convinced me to go (Panera was catering lunch so that helped).  I was enjoying my turkey, bacon bravo sandwich (yum!) when Trainer #1 started talking and welcoming us to the spring session (yipee). He said that this quarter they were starting a new program called “Walk Across America” and if you signed up you got a state-of-the-art pedometer to track your steps. Every 10,000 steps walked would count as 50 miles across the map of America. Now I was intrigued, not by the large, laminated map he was holding up, but rather by the pedometer.

I had always wanted a pedometer, especially on the days when I have gone up and down the stairs a million times to get socks/juice/a transformer/change the laundry etc. Exactly how many steps do I walk in a day and really, how do those damn things work?? Now I could actually have my very own.

Trainer #1, who by the way did not have an ounce of fat on his body, talked about how we would start a walking club, have a recipe swap and maybe we would start competeing against other offices on our trek across America.  Picturing myself walking, along the main road,  in a walking club wearing sneakers with my work clothes, turned me off completely so I tuned out trainer man – that is until he started talking about the pedometer again.  He said it was the best one ever AND it came on a lanyard. Ummm lanyards are not my type of accessory but I kept listening. The pedometer could also be kept in your pocket (thank god) and be plugged directly into the computer to track your steps. In addition, whoever walks the most miles gets a prize. Ok sign me up.

After the lunch and chocolate chip cookie courtesy of Panera the email came around advising that the cost of the program was $40 and would start next Tuesday.  Pedometers were only being given to those who gave their checks (made payable to the firm) by Friday the 16th. Ugh, $40 bucks for a pedometer??? Am I crazy?

Well I just walked my check over to the HR girl (too bad I didn’t already have the pedometer since she sits on the other side of the office) and I am officially on the “team” to “Walk Across America.” I don’t know if this was the best idea or if it will be the best $40 spent but I guess I will find out Tuesday at weigh-in (O-M-G). I’ll keep you posted and who knows, maybe I’ll be captain of the walking team (a girl can dream right?)

ps – I promise to post a picture of my new pedometer as soon as i get it 🙂

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