mommy&everything

trying to find myself and humor in life

Archive for the tag “boys”

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails

Happy Hump Day!!! Can you believe it is already Wednesday and halfway to the weekend??

Yesterday’s post was a little serious so I thought today I’d lighten it up a little. Sound good? Great!

For those of you who do not know me,  I am a mom to four boys, twins who are 9, a 7yo and my baby who is 5.

Families with 4 children are not the norm anymore so when people find out I have 4 kids AND that they’re all boys, it usually leads to a stunned look and/or a gasp.

Inevitably questions follow so today I thought I’d share and answer some of my favorite questions from the past 9 years  – please note these are in no specific order and I have been asked every single one of them

  • No I am not trying to start my own (insert sport) team
  • Why yes it is always “fun” at my house, you should stop over sometime without calling first
  • OMG yes I know how LUCKY I am to have four boys and not girls. After all, girls are SO much harder to raise than boys and I will be SO happy when they are teenagers
  • Yes, twins run in my family
  • Of course they are all best friends (see #2)
  • No actually they do not ALL play sports but we still love them anyway
  • Yes I know, my food bill will sky-rocket but for now it’s ok since they exist on Elios pizza, Eggo chocolate chip pancakes and chicken nuggets
  • No I am not trying for the girl – you know how old I am right?
  • Yes I am the “queen” of my household  and treated as such (again see #2)
  • Nope, I did not plan on having 4 children, I do not come from a large family and no, before having kids I didn’t really like kids
  • Yes, the blond one is mine and as a matter of fact, his dad DOES have blond hair
  • Yup they are all mine – would I voluntarily take 4 boys out if they were not related to me?
  • Hmmm, it’s hard to say if boys “run in my family” – they do now!
  • No, it’s NEVER quiet
  • Yes, there were (and still are) lots of hand me downs but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to buy something cute and girly
  • I don’t know if I really save a lot on clothes but I do get away with only buying 1 pair of sneakers for them
  • Yes, I know it is very sad that I was never blessed with a girl but I am sure God feels differently (this was said to me in the Carters outlet when the twins were 3 months old)
  • At this point it is hard to imagine any of them taking care of me in my old age but I guess I have a 1 in 4 chance
  • Nope, no drama in my house. I must have dreamed the episode this morning when I was told that I am no fun ever! or when the tears started because I said it was time to take a shower
  • Oh I know I will get to have my own “daughters” when the boys grow up and get married. You know how much women LOVE their mothers-in-law
  • Thank you but I am SOOOOO not managing it or “doing it”, really I am just faking it (wink wink)

Thanks for reading.

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This is what at least one of my boys looks like on any given day

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Say Cheese!!

Back in the day when I was a newbie mom,  I always made sure that the boys had professional pictures taken. When the twins were babies, I did the obligatory photos at 3, 6, and 12 months old.

I would spend hours planning the “perfect” outfits making sure everything down to their socks matched. The day of the photos I would give myself a heart attack worrying how the boys would, or more likely would not, behave.

It was always a disaster with someone (usually me) leaving in tears.

The years went on, more kids arrived and soon anytime I had to think about professional pictures was long gone! Besides, I had an iPhone so if there was anything I was NOT lacking in, it was photos of my kids – ask anyone who follows me on Facebook or Instagram.

Life went on.

Then this past fall I had an idea. The boys are older, they sorta listen and I have no pictures of them all together looking “happy” let’s take them to have pictures taken!!!!!! (no I was not drinking when this idea popped into my head).

I booked the appointment for a Sunday in October and tried to block it out of my head – not a hard thing to do with 4 crazy boys, school, soccer and work. My mom and the husband thought I was totally insane.

Why would you do this to yourself? You know that you will be disappointed when no one listens? Well if you are going to do it…just prepare yourself for the worst.

Those were just a few of the little pick-me-ups that were offered in the days leading up to picture day.

Before I knew it, it was the day before the pictures and I had NOTHING ready. In my mind I assumed it would rain and the pictures would be canceled since we had planned to take them outside at a college campus.

Well what is the saying about assuming???

Yeah, here is was Saturday night and the weather forecast for Sunday was going to be warm and sunny – YIKES!

Off to the mall I went to try to find 4 perfect “look at what I just threw together don’t my sons look amazing like they just stepped out of a Ralph Lauren print-ad” outfits.

Needless to say I struck out at every store I went to. Why can you NEVER find something when you really need it?????

Somehow I was able to buy a white button-down for L and a pair of jeans for J. On the ride home from the mall I crossed my fingers and said a silent prayer that the twins had something decent (and clean) to wear in their closet.

Sunday morning I woke up, saw the sun and listened to the boys downstairs screaming and fighting over nothing. I

Immediately began to panic OMG….am I out of my fn mind taking these kids out in public to have their pictures taken????!!!!!!

I went downstairs to make coffee and the husband was checking his phone. Ya ready for today? he asked with a huge smirk.  Good luck he said laced with sarcasm as the twins started crying because the 3yo was yelling at them and chasing them with a pirate sword.

All morning I prepped bribed and threatened the boys. What? Don’t judge.

Hey, I had a lot riding on this and I didn’t want M crying about his hair or J screaming he wanted to go home to ruin the experience AND I deserved at least 1 nice picture of my boys all together god dammit!

The car ride was good, I played some Kidz Bop cd and kept the kids talking and happy. We pulled up to the college and saw Mr. D waiting for us. I took a deep breath before opening the van doors and letting the monsters out.

Mr. D made the boys line up and handed gave them “the rules” for the day. Everything they listened they would get a blue marble. At the end of the day, each boys could turn in his marbles for a prize bag AND candy!

Never have I seen the boys smile so big for a total stranger as they followed him (walking single file) down the path on campus.

It’s going to be fine, stop worrying he told me as he posed them on the steps of a building.

Here is a small sampling of what the boys said that day (please picture it said in a whiney/annoying voice):

L stop touching me! Mom, L is sitting too close to me! Ewwww J’s leg is touching mine and I don’t like it! Mom..there are people looking at us.  Mommy…can I have a lollipop? NO I WANT A RED LOLLIPOP this is blue!! Hey look over there…it’s a huge pile of leaves!!!!! I don’t want to smile. I am tired, can we go home? Mom, can I play with your phone? Why does J get to play with your phone and I can’t. Why do you hate me? My mouth hurts, I can’t smile anymore. Can I go play in the leaves? Mom? Mom? Mommy?? Can we play in the leaves? Hey J I bet you can’t catch me!!!!!

At the end of the photo shoot, I was completely drained. A few hours trying to get 4 boys to smile, stay clean and look happy will do that to a grown woman.

Mr. D has assured me that we had at least 1 great shot – and that wrangling 4 kids was WAY harder than he had anticipated (lol).

On the car ride home as the boys played with their prize bags – that contained containers of slime that made fart-like noises when they squished it with their fingers – and congratulated myself on surviving.

A couple of days later the proofs arrived in my in-box. I was a nervous wreck opening the attachment. I had no idea how the pictures had come out and if the boys even managed to smile for one.

The minute I saw the pictures my eyes welled up with tears…the pictures were beautiful!! OMG how my babies have grown up.

Mr. D made me a special mosaic picture which I attached below, it’s my favorite! (his work is absolutely AMAZING!).

Thanks for reading 🙂

ps – Thank you Mr. D!!

Me and The Boys

Me and The Boys

Tuesday

Today is Tuesday, May 7, 2013. This morning I was woken up by the heinous sound of the ironing board being opened by the husband (yes he irons his own clothes), I immediately reached for my iPhone.

I have a sickness or rather an obsession with my phone. It needs to be near me at all times and if it isn’t, or god forbid the battery is dead, I start to go through withdrawal.

I quickly scanned my messages, mail and FB before heading over to the weather app. There was a picture of a sun and the number 70 next to it.
Yay!!! It’s Skirt Weather I thought to myself as I hurriedly got into the shower.

I painstakingly put in the extra time to shave my legs as I mentally picked out THE perfect skirt/sweater combo.

I continued getting ready, making breakfast, fighting with L over why he needs to get dressed AND go to school AND put shoes on AND (my personal favorite) why he CAN NOT HAVE A BOWL OF JUST THE MARSHMELLOWS FROM THE LUCKY CHARMS BOX.

After I waved bye to L (and smiled to myself as I quickly slammed closed the front door) I ran upstairs to finish getting ready.

I turned on the radio and was humming along to Taylor Swift and making the bed when I glanced at the clock that read “7:34”.

Crap, I have to start making the kids get dressed I thought to myself. I went over to the top of the stairs, took a deep breath and braced myself for what was coming.

Me: Boys???!!

Boys: What??

Me: Come upstairs…it’s time to get dressed for school.

Boys: Huh? What did you say?

Me: I said COME UPSTAIRS AND GET DRESSED NOW

Boys: OOHHHH Why??

Me: Because you have to get dressed and we have this discussion EVERYDAY. Now come upstairs.

Next came the distinct  bang of a Lego creation being thrown on the floor followed by the stomping of feet coming up the stairs.

Today I was also given the added bonus of M, jumping on my bed (yes, the one I just made) and asking me to have a conversation with Bear.

In the meantime, J had come upstairs to show me the “Ship” he had just built. WOW, you made that?! That is AWESOME J I said ushering him into his bedroom. Hey, let’s get dressed why you are up here, come on.

NO I don’t wanna get dressed! he said and stomped back  down the stairs into the living room.

Ok, I’ll deal with that after I dry my hair, I thought and went to check the twins’ pregress.

Instead of seeing 2 boys all dressed, I was met with J on the bed in his pj top and underwear and M on the floor, with Bear, looking at Star Wars cards.

Ummm…what are you doing? I told you to get dressed I said with just a little bit of tone.

Mommy? Mommy look, said J. I can hold the toy chainsaw with one hand!

I almost pinched myself to see if I was dreaming. How can this be my life

After yelling at the twins to get dressed, I went back downstairs to check on the other J. The living room was eerily quiet and at first glance, I did not see J.

Hmmm, that’s weird. He isn’t upstairs, where can he be??

I was just about to head back upstairs when I saw it – the large lump on the couch covered in a blanket.

I smiled, and started calling out J’s name pretending I couldn’t find him. Each time I did this, the blanket shook from his laughter.

Finally I pulled the blanket off and yelled THERE HE IS!! and he rolled over laughing.

I quickly dressed him and ran upstairs to iron when I heard the weather forecast on the radio. It went something like this ….cloudy and little sun today, slight chance of showers.

What??!! I thought it was going to be sunny. I am not going to wear a skirt if it’s cold and raining. Now what the hell am I going to wear????!!

I pulled out my black pants and a black cardigan and quickly tried to find a cami to wear underneath. I was not happy, this is so NOT what I had planned. The iron was sticking to the sweater (a new Loft buy btw) and none of the 5 camis I had put on looked right.

Damn it!

Some how we all made it out the door and to our respective buses and work on time.

I am sure my morning is not much different from any other mom. Maybe there are slight differences, but basically the rushing, arguing and struggle for power is the same in any house right?

Oh no, please tell me it isn’t just me (lol)!

It’s now mid-afternoon and I just leaned back in my chair saw a streak of blue out the window across the hall from me. Guess I could have worn that skirt after all.

Hope you are enjoying your Tuesday, just think, we are one stop closer to the weekend!!

 

My pseudo long, lost daughter

This past Tuesday I was given the honor of chaperoning the annual PLD Kindergarten Class Trip 2013. Please…hold your applause (for now at least). It really wasn’t that big a deal. Pretty much everyone asked to  chaperone picked but still, for me it’s the little things in life (LOL).

So at 8:50am me and some hot mama chaperones (Mrs. Mayor and Hot T-ball Mom) boarded the big, yellow school bus for our destination Jenkinson’s Aquarium in Pt. Pleasant, NJ (Yay Jersey Shore!!).

Oh, I jumped ahead of myself, before boarding the bus, we were each assigned a list of “monkeys” (the kids we would be chaperoning). Mrs. Mayor and HTM were each given 4 kids while I hit the jack pot with just my kid J (the quiet twin) and his friend L.

YES!! Only 2 kids how great is that??!!  I thought. You see, I was just a tad bit nervous about this whole chaperone thing….because….well….I am not really good with kids.

Yes, I know, I have 4 but they are mine. I carried them for 9 months and gained 80lb, 50lb and 50lb respectively. They belong to me and I am obligated to love and care for them – JUST KIDDING – I love my kids but they are MINE.

And being mine they “get me” and know what they can/can not get away with. My boys know all my “looks” and that when I call their name using a certain tone that they are in BIG TROUBLE.

I shared my concerns about chaperoning with the husband and he said not to worry and  stay close to HTM (she’s a teacher in real life) and everything would be fine.

Finally the 2 school buses were loaded with 73 kindergarten kids and off we went.

Have you even been on a school bus with 40-something 5-6 year olds on a class trip??? If you have not been lucky enough to experience it, I really don’t know how to accurately describe the noise level.

I guess it was equivalent to when Mrs. Jeter and I had floor seats to Bon Jovi back in 2001 and could barely hear ourselves for the 2 plus hours we were there.

Holy crap can those kids yell!!! OMG it never stopped. Between that, the annoying dad chaperone who thought it was “fun” to do knock-knock jokes the ENTIRE ride and L and S who could not stop hitting/kicking/touching it was a long ride and this mama was missing her coffee.

Finally we arrived at the aquarium and the teacher Mrs. P told us we had to break up into groups of 17 (wtf??). I had just started gathering my stuff to get off the bus when I heard Mrs. P call my name. Uh oh…

Mrs. L?? One of our mommies did NOT show up to chaperone so I am giving you 2 kids from the am class in addition to the 2 you have. That’s ok right? Oh, by the way, they are 2 girls – Sam and Karis.

WHAT????!!!

Mrs. Mayor and HTM laughed (a lot) as we tried to get our 17 kids to stand in a line. It was like herding cats getting these kids to not only stand but form a line. Here are some highlights:

L stand on the white line, no the white line in front of you…it’s right there. No, S you can not sit on the ground, you need to stand up, stop crab-walking. J get back in line, no the white line. S stop touching L. Boys and girls can we all stand in a straight line??? Please??? and finally Hey! whoever does not stand on the white line has to go back on the bus!

Mrs. P then told us that we had some time to kill and that we could either take our groups on the beach or walk the board walk. We unanimously picked beach.

O-M-G was I really on the beach???? Us moms were trying to take it all in. The beach, the salt air and the sun while also looking around for any visible damage leftover from Hurricane Sandy.

Just as I was trying to take a picture of myself with the ocean in the background (to post on FB of course) Mrs. P walked Sam and Karis over to me. Girls, this is Mrs. L you make sure you stay with her today ok? Yes they chanted in unison.

When I looked down at them to say hi, I was drawn to Karis. She was THE cutest little thing!! Long, brown hair with the sides pinned up wearing cute pants. Her smile was huge and she had big brown eyes and was always smiling. You could just tell she was a sweet girl and would be a pleasure to chaperone – unlike L who was throwing sand.

I was commenting to Mrs. Mayor how cute she was when Mrs. Mayor said ha, she could be like the daughter you never had.

OMG that was it….Karis was the epitome of what I always thought my little Ava/Hanna/Grace/Abby/Bryn would look like and grow up to be. I was smitten ❤

Throughout the field trip I watched all my “kids” but always kept my eye on J (because he was mine) and Karis (because she was supposed to be mine). I watched her interact with the other kids, touch the starfish and squeal with delight when Lucy the Seal came out to say “Hi.”

During lunch I had to help her open her water and she was telling me all about her new little brother and her little sister and how her aunts and cousins and grandparents are staying with her in her house – but they don’t live there all the time. SOOOOO freakin’ cute.

It was such a change from the Lego, Ninjago, poop and Skylander talk me and my men have.  I love my boys and would never trade them n in but I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like to have had just 1 girl.

Someone to dress up in pink and take for manicures and to the mall. Someone who would never “leave” me the way all boys eventually do when they get married and start their own lives.

I am often asked if I will ever “try for the girl” and my answer is NO! that shop is closed tight!! God has a plan for me and it did not involve girls – although I did give it my all (lol).

73 kids waiting patiently in line

73 kids waiting patiently in line

My Quiet Twin

My Quiet Twin

Summer is almost here!

Summer is almost here!

Random thoughts on a Monday morning

Happy Monday everyone, don’t you just LOVE a Monday morning?? LOL!!

It is raining here in the beautiful Garden State, it is actually supposed to rain the next couple days,  so that makes this Monday all the more merry. The weather should not surprise me since I spent 2 hours yesterday doing the semi-annual (and dreaded) “clothes switch”.

Last night I was texting with my mom when she, passively aggressively, mentioned that I have not been blogging regularly. My first thought was Ummmm…no kidding but somehow I didn’t think she would appreciate that response. I toyed with ignoring her comment but what fun would that be. No, instead I came up with this witty lame response I’m in a slump with the blog. I don’t know why. Eloquent right?

Mom, being Mom, wouldn’t drop it and came back with …just write like you used to no? no funny stories?…

Ugh, that totally annoyed me. What, did Mom think funny stories just “POP” into my head randomly? Is my life SO humorous that blogs detailing the adventures at Casa Chaos are in abundance???

Moms words stuck in my head long after the texting conversation ended. Of course she was right, I have made excuses for months about my lack of daily posts. Truth is I started over-analyzing my blog ideas.

I became WAY too obsessed with stats and “likes” and comparing myself to other bloggers in WordPress and Tumblr (yes, I strayed from WordPress but shhhh don’t tell). I forgot that we are all just one, big blogging family, and instead turned it into a competition that I knew I would NEVER win.

Anyway, I guess the pity party has gone on way too long and now it’s time to kick out the last guest (me), clean up the mess and move on.

Driving into work today, my mind was a blur. I was belting out Pink songs (LOVING the new duet with the guy from Fun), trying to sort out all the random blog ideas in my head.

While sitting in traffic on George-Davison Road (damn school buses), a thought occurred to me. Hey, instead of picking just one “thing” to blog about today, why not just post about a couple random things????

So friends in the great blogosphere, I bring you “Random Thoughts on a Monday Morning”

1) Shopping with almost 7yo boys is an experience.
This should not have surprised me but yet I had high hopes for taking the twins shopping. It’s not their fault, their attention span is just nill. One minute they are looking a t-shirts and the next they are hiding under rounders.

I would pick out cute shirts and plaid shorts just to be told  No thanks or Mooommmmy that is for girls.

Somehow I was able to get them to focus just long enough to get what we needed. Apparently, M is an impulse shopper because as we were headed to the check-out he talked me into this

Mr. Cool

Mr. Cool

2) I embarrass very easily:
On May 18, 2013 my family and I are participating in Children’s Specialized Hospital’s 7th Annual Walk & Roll to raise money for the hospital. We have been a part of the CSH family for the past 2 years and they have helped to make our journey with J a little easier.

So the point of a fundraiser is to obviously raise funds. Sounds easy enough right? Well it should be except I get totally embarrassed asking for sponsors. My face turns red just thinking about it.

I thought a good way to raise funds, and awareness, was to advertise the event at work. The marketing guy at my office was kind enough to make up some amazing posters that I hung in the kitchens and coffee stations.

However, as I was taping up the posters it hit me Holy Crap my face is blown up on the poster!!! OMG now co-workers would be forced to see my HUGE face as they get their morning coffee. Yikes.

I hid in my cube, mortified of my face, and prayed no one would vandalize my posters – my friend N reminded me we work in a law firm not in a junior high school.

Well the posters have been up for 5 days and so far they are intact. I even had 2 people ask me how they can give. I am hoping by the end of the week I won’t even notice my huge head when I get coffee or water.

Here is the link for our page if you are interested in making a contribution (it’s tax-deductible!!)

3) Nothing beats a good book:
I love reading. I don’t really have a particular genre that I am fond of, really,  I like a good story. One that holds my attention and makes me temporarily forget my problems. A story that when it is over, makes me sad and wish it wasn’t done.

Last week I finished reading Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter and I LOVED it!! It was the story of an almost-love affair that begins on the Italian coast in 1962 …and is rekindled in Hollywood fifty years later.  Mr. Walter transported me to Italy and its beautiful coast and made me sad that I have not been able to experience the sights and sounds of Italy for myself.

I did not want this book to end and was sad when I had to say good-bye to Dee and Pasquale. I highly recommend it to anyone who is a sucker for a love affair.

4) Mrs. Jeter thinks I could write a novel (LOL):
Jeter and I were texting last night when she asked me if I would be interested in participating in National Novel Writing Month with her in November. At first, I thought she was kidding. Write a novel?! I am not a writer, I am a semi-novice blogger, what was Jeter thinking??

But Jeter was serious, said we could be each other’s moral support and that I would be good at it. Honestly, the thought of this both intrigues and terrifies me. Jeter and my blogging mentor CC are always telling me that yes, in fact I am a “writer” but I don’t know.

I thought I would run this idea past you guys and see what kind of feed back I get. Do you think I could write a short novel? If so, about what???

Thanks for letting me share these random thoughts with you today. Enjoy your Monday.

I am THE MEANEST mommy ever

This has been a crazy week at Casa Chaos with me going back to work and the kids settling into another new routine. I thought we were all adapting and told myself by next week it should be good – well as good as it can ever be with 4 young boys.

I will admit that I may not always be the most patient mother, especially in the mornings before (and during) coffee, but my children (2 in particular) could really test the patience of a saint at times.

Whenever I tell someone  I have 4 boys, within seconds this response follows

“4 boys really?? You going to try for the girl?? oh….well… you are lucky boys are SO much easier than girls.”

I laugh and change the subject thinking about how nuts my house is 24/7.

Lately my “older” twin M has been a little moody. Not sure if it is the terrible 6s, a mid-life crisis or maybe his room isn’t zen enough. Ever since the womb, M has been either hot or cold.  There is no in between with him.

One minute he will tell me he loves me SOOO much and the next he’ll tell us he wants to live alone.

I remember the first time M yelled I hate you!!! It was like a kick to the stomach.

How could my M, my little Bugman, say such a thing to me HIS OWN MOTHER???!!!! I carried him AND his brother for 37 1/2 weeks and gained 80 pounds! I have done everything for him and he has the nerve to hate me?????

I remember telling Mrs. Jeter and she laughed and said her son tells her that all the time. Other friends told me the same thing and after a while I got over the hurt.

Now M says it to me almost daily so the words don’t sting or even phase me – mostly. Once in a while it gets to me and instead of ignoring it,  I  tell him to go find a new mommy. I have even offered to help him pick one out from the
“New Mommy Catalog.”

A week or so ago, M and I were arguing over something “important” (probably chicken nuggets or juice) when he got really upset and yelled YOU ARE THE MEANEST MOMMY EVER!!!!

Gasp – say what????!!

I can’t remember what set M off that day but I gave him some time to cool off. I didn’t bother him or try to talk to him until he had calmed down. A little while later he came over, sniffling and wiping tears, and told me he was sorry and he loved me and I was the best mommy.

So sweet right??

Well since then M has told me at least 5 or so more times that I am a “mean mommy” so I thought I would make a list of all the mean things I do and share it with my friends in blogosphere.

In no particular order, here are M’s reasons why I am THE meanest Mommy ever:

1) I always make him take a shower/bath when he is playing Legos

2) All I ever make is chicken and chicken is dumb

3) He is never allowed to have soda and Mommy and Daddy drink it and it’s just NOT FAIR

4) I refused to buy him the $400 Death Star Lego and some other random $50 Star Wars ship at a recent trip to Target

5) How dare I pick him up from after care and not bring snacks with me

6) When M is in time out, I don’t  allow him to have a cookie or watch tv

7) I always make him get dressed for school when he is watching tvf

8) We never have any good snacks, he is sick and tired of Cheez Its, Goldfish, cookies and crackers they are SO BORING

9) M wants to live alone because our house is too loud and messy

10) OMG how could I not have jean shorts for him to wear to school today???!

This list is just from the past week or so, and as you can see, I am THE meanest mom alive! Poor M, he has no idea what he is in for in the years to come (lol).

Enjoy your Thursday!!

ps – This list is just from the past 2 weeks, I am sure I will update it soon 🙂

I quit

Yes friends out there in the great blogosphere, I am quitting. What you may ask? Have you finally found a new career, one that will take me away from the tidias daily grind of being a paralegal extraordinaire??

Sadly no – though I am open to suggestions (keep it clean though, this is a family friendly blog lol).

I think it’s time that I quit my other full-time job. The job that has me working 24/7, no overtime or holiday pay and did I mention NO SALARY!

Give up?

Why it’s mommyhood of course.

Wait, before you go getting all über judgmental about how great being a mom is and how it is THE most important job in the universe, please let me defend myself.

First, I love my kids all four boys ages 6, 6, 4 and 3. I would do anything for them and would probably stand in front of a moving vehicle for them (unless maybe it was a huge tractor-trailer – JUST KIDDING).

My boys are my pride and joy and it amazes me each day that they are all mine and that I didn’t break them in infanthood.

I was able to withstand, colicky babies, reflux as the doctors like to call it, 2 bouts of pyloric stenosis (which require surgery and a hospital stay), jaundice, anemia, RSV and 4 ear infections at the SAME time and let’s not forget J with his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

Through it all I have tried to maintain a positive outlook (well as positive as I could be) and was always able to find humor (no matter how small) in any given situation.

Each time we survive one crisis I think to myself ok, we got through this, I did it! We can do it again…God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle right??

After this morning though, I feel like I am done. I have done all there is to do and now it is up the husband, or the boys or my mom (JK), to take over.

There wasn’t one little thing that set me off really, rather, a compilation of all the things I met this weekend that has sent me seeking new employment.

Blame it on the weather, PMS or my back being out (yes, I have hurt my back AGAIN) but the kids really did me in this past weekend.

I don’t think it was one thing in particular, it was pretty much the same old Saturday and Sunday.

The little kids fought all weekend, L made J cry more times than I could count. The twins complained when they had to get dressed and leave for baseball practice and pictures.

The house looked like a disaster each time I cleaned it up and no matter who I asked to help me straighten the living room, the response was always the same but I didn’t do it…whhhyyyyy do I always have to heeelllpp??!

M told me he wanted to change his name – this happens a lot and I have actually gotten used to it. So far he has been Geo, Michael and now Roger. To think, I spent months agonizing over what to name this kid and he is happy with the name Geo.

Let’s see what else? Oh, 3 kids have colds which is always fun. J (ASD boy) has taken to waking up at 5am on weekends and weekdays. Twin J thinks he is sick but refuses to speak so it’s like playing 20 questions to guess what his ailment is.

M decided he hated his entire family, especially me, because there were no bagels for his breakfast on Sunday and he was bored all day AND he was sick of sharing the Wii Star Wars Lego game!

L thought it was great to play hide and seek in my just made bed and to play with the switch on my heating pad.

After I had taken a muscle relaxer the 2 little kids thought it would be good to sit on my bed and kill each other over the iPad and Mommy’s phone that was charging and M declared that he was NOT going to bed because he was going to play Star Wars. After I threatened to take away his toy laser gun if he wouldn’t go to bed he looked at me and said (completely serious) Here, just take it I am going to play downstairs.

This morning I thought we would start fresh, but the weekend behind me. The back was still hurting but at least I could stand straight and it was a new week.

I was almost done making lunches when M came downstairs. This is what followed.

M –  Mom, what are you doing with that bagel? 

Me –  Oh, I am making it for your lunch today.

M – Umm no thanks. I don’t like it.

Me – Yes, you so, since when? If you don’t take this for lunch what do you want?

M – I don’t know, maybe Goldfish?

Me – Goldfish is not lunch M, pick something? Do you want cereal, a sandwich, the bagel what? what do you want?

M – Nothing , I only want Goldfish why do you always tell me no, I wannnnnnt Goldfish. That’s not fair.

Me – Fine, don’t eat then, I don’t care (as I threw the buttered bagel into his lunch bag and zipped up his back pack.

After this exchange I got to fight with L over getting dressed and going to school (L thought he would stay in “his house” today). I also argued with J that cookies were not a breakfast item and that he had to clean up the crayons that covered my kitchen floor.

The last straw came when I very nicely, told the twins it was super cold out and perhaps it would be better if they wore sweatshirts to school and not the shirts they had picked out last night.

M was NOT happy. He told me (again) how is wasn’t fair and he was NOT wearing a sweatshirt!

I lost it. Instead of taking the high road and walking away, I heard myself say something like

Fine, wear the dirty Angry Birds Star Wars t-shirt and freeze, I don’t care. While you are at it, why don’t you get a new Mommy since I do nothing right for you. You know what, you seem to know so much, why don’t you just go out and get your own apartment while you are at it!

As if that response wasn’t good enough, I ended it with a dramatic slam of my bedroom door (yes, I know I am 40 and the adult but whatever).

After I was dressed and ready to warm up the van, I spotted M sitting all by himself in his room. He was looking out the window wearing the gray sweatshirt I had picked out.

I felt like crap! M looked so innocent sitting there, playing with the nightlight – we have told him a million times NOT to play with.

I went over and hugged him and told him I loved him. We decided he could keep me for a mom since we would both miss each other if he got a new one.

Together we walked downstairs and proceeded to put on coats, hats, gloves and mittens. Everyone was dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go.

You know what, maybe this mom stuff isn’t so bad I thought, as I pulled on my pink gloves and reached for my keys.

Let’s go, everyone to the car I said and at that moment, M spilled his entire cup of orange juice all over the floor.

Oh My F’n God, I must be on candid camera! I yelled to no one (the kids were in the car) as I cleaned up the orange juice. How can this be my life?? I said as I slammed the front door shut and drove to the bus stop.

The spilled oj was it. I am done, I quit.

Don’t worry, I will resume my mom duties today again at 5pm when I get the twins from after care and go home and start dinner. It is not a glamorous life but it’s my life – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Lol, who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Mama NEVER said there would be days like this

Ahhhhh TGIM – Thank God it’s Monday!! Yes you are reading that correctly, I am happy it’s Monday.

This weekend was a challenge to say the least. I am not sure if there was a full moon or something funky going on with the gods above but all 4 of my kids were NUTS the entire weekend.

I have blocked Saturday from my memory – trust me it’s better this way  – but let me share a little of my Sunday with you.

It started off as any other day in our house, kids up early (like before 6:30 early) waking me up asking for drinks and breakfast, constant chaos and fights over toys and tv shows and a battle between a Clone warrior and Sponge Bob/Captain America (a/k/a M&L).

The twins have swim lessons on Sunday mornings and I was trying to get their stuff together when I realized M’s Avengers bathing suit was not clean. Oh no, this is not good. After digging through the bathing suits, all I was able to scrounge up were Spiderman and a Hawaiian print suit in M’s size. This was SO not good. The husband said M would have to deal and went off to take out the garbage.

I sent the twins upstairs to get dressed for swim and counted the minutes until the meltdown was sure to begin. 10-9-8-7-6 MMMOOOOMMM where is my Avenger bathing suit??!!

It’s in the washing machine, just wear what I left out and hurry up because Dad is leaving soon, I yelled from the kitchen.

I can’t wear this bathing suit, it’s stupid and I look like a poopy head in it. Mom, Mom, MOMMY I said I want my Avenger bathing suit, I want it now!!! ARGH!!! I am not going to swim, I HATE this bathing suit!

The husband started jingling the keys so I quickly ran upstairs to find M another bathing suit. By the grace of God, the Avenger suit was lying in the laundry basket buried under a pile of sheets – thank god! Crisis averted – sort of.

The little kids were engrossed in an episode of Team Umizoomi when I decided to take advantage and grab a quick shower. Umi was on for at least 15 minutes which was more than enough time, heck, they wouldn’t even realize I was gone.

I was just putting a little spray gel in my hair when I heard the bang of my canisters over the bathroom fan – uh oh. I yelled down to the kids and got no answer. Crap, this can’t be good.

I ran down the steps to find a kitchen chair pushed up against the wall and in the middle of my counter sat L holding the canister lid saying Cookies?

O-M-G!!!!!!!!!!! Get off the counter !!! I yelled (after grabbing my phone to snap a picture). How is this my life???!!

My brother was on his way over to help the husband move a couch so I knew I had to dress the kids. Lately, J has not wanted to get dressed and been a little “difficult” to say the least. Well today proved to be no different. After wrestling, threatening and screaming coaxing J was now naked in his room.

L was wearing a fireman rain jacket and repeatedly yelling Rescue! as he ran around their room taunting J. Finally in a last-ditch effort I took L outside and told J that he could come outside if he got dressed.

My plan back fired. J now stood in the hallway naked (in front of the storm door) and L ran in the street kicking rocks yelling Rescue!

Why me God?

Somehow J finally got dressed (and undressed and dressed again), L took off the rain jacket and I sat on the couch exhausted – it was not even noon!

The rest of the day was a blur that ended with me at Shop Rite around 8:30pm. Life is never boring in my house that’s for sure. But hey, it will get easier right?will get better right?

OMG I’m NOT a girly girl?!

Belle

Belle (Photo credit: Valerie Reneé)

I have always considered myself a girl’s girl and at times I guess a girly girl. I LOVE to shop and get my nails done and nothing makes me happier than a new lip gloss (you should have seen my smile when Bobbi Brown changed the size of her shimmer glosses).

When I was growing up I assumed I would have 2 kids – a boy and a girl. My husband would play with the boy while me and my girl would shop and get manicures and have lunch together. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would have a daughter, it was a given.

Imagine the complete and total shock I felt on June 27, 2006 when (at about 1:19pm) I was told I was the mom to not 1 but 2 baby boys!!!!!!!!!! I was in a state of shock for hours afterward (that and the drugs from the c-section and high blood pressure) and could not comprehend how I would be able to raise 2 boys. What the heck do boys play with and OMG there are NO cute boy clothes!

The years went on and 2 more boys joined my brood. After L was born I accepted that I was never going to have a girl and that God must have a reason for blessing me with 4 boys. It’s ok, I have a niece, I will make her my pseudo daughter.

When my niece was born (2 months before the twins) I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to shop for her. Baby clothes, especially for girls, are SO much fun. I loved all the little hats and accessories too.

As my niece Belle got older though something changed. I would talk to her and go to stores and I realized that I had no idea what little girls liked. I would walk into Gap or Gymboree and be clueless about what was “cool” and what Belle would like. OMG what was happening??

Who knew that little girls wear leggings under EVERY skirt or dress and that purple NOT pink was their favorite color. How the heck was I supposed to know that pjs for girls came with little frilly tutus that went over the pj bottoms – at my house all we cared about were monster trucks and Spiderman.

I would see little girls at the mall and be shocked at how they dressed (how old are you?) and sometimes envious of their Ipod touches with designer cases and Coach handbags. Wow, girls are not what I thought.

This past Saturday was Belle’s 6th birthday, the theme was Monster High Ghouls – wtf is that?! She was having girlfriends over to her house to decorate cupcakes and make jewelry and said my boys could come over AFTER her friends left. The boys were happy with that since they had zero desire to make jewelry and hang out with a bunch of “burls”.

Friday night I went to Children’s Place to get Belle a gift card and outfit. Should be easy enough right? WRONG. I walked in and went to the girl section and just stood there in a state of shock and wonderment. I have never been on acid but after being on “that side” of the store for over 30 minutes I could only imagine that is what it feels like.

The music was blasting and everything was pink, purple or turquoise and covered in glitter or lace. There were leggings and bike shorts and tunics and tank tops. Everywhere I turned there were headbands and flip-flops or lip glosses and let’s not forget the jewelry. I walked around in a daze until finally I managed to put together turquoise bike shorts with a tee and headband.

At Belle’s party the next day me and the boys walked into a sea of purple, silver and black balloons with pictures of the Monster High Ghouls all over. Everywhere we looked there were mini Belles dressed in leggings with sequin or lacy tutus over them. The girls all giggled and ran around occasionally whispering something to their friends.

 As we ate our Hannah Montana birthday cake I realized how far removed from girls I am and how I can no longer in good conscious call myself a “girly girl”. 

A true girly girl would have known what Monster High dolls Belle had and what is new in the world of Barbie. A girly girl would know that jewelry making is fun (really?) and that all the bike shorts and flip-flops  in the world can not compete with a Justin Beiber nightgown (ugh!).

I guess there is a reason God gave me boys. After all, my boys think I am the girliest girl they know and hopefully I will never have to worry about them stealing my lip gloss or borrowing my favorite earrings.

You’re not my Mommy ANYMORE!

Lego Battles: Ninjago

Image via Wikipedia

It started off as any other Wednesday morning in the House of Chaos. L greeted me in the shower at 5:45 asking for a bottle and M soon followed telling me he wanted to watch tv (how I could help him while in the shower I havent figured out yet).

After getting ready I went into the kitchen to warm up the Keurig, make lunch, take the dog out, feed the dog, etc. when J announced that he was hungry. I told him to give me a couple of minutes to get organized and then I would give him his cereal (sans milk). He whined a bit but got interested in Nick Jr.

Fast forward to me getting ready to leave for work. I go into the living room to say my good-byes and get kisses when I hear the twins talking about show-and-tell today (yikes, why do I ALWAYS forget show-and-tell). J lets me know he is bringing in a car (as always) and M tells me he is bringing in the “Kill Zone 3” guidebook he got from daddy – Houston we have a problem!

“Kill Zone 3” is some game my husband plays (I couldn’t tell you what game system it is on) that is pretty much about these robot looking men killing one another with various weapons (ie: an ice saw) and driving tanks. NOT the type of book that would be welcomed at a pre-k run by a church.

I tell M the book isn’t a good idea because it will scare the girls. He tells me he doesn’t care. Ok, it is now after 7:30 and I am going to be late for work. I suggested other things (Legos, Transformers, cars) and none were to his liking. He was bringing in that book.

 NO! I finally said. Well with that his lip came out and started quivering and he yelled You are NOT my Mommy ANYMORE!! and went to cry in the corner next to the couch.

Ouch!

I know M didn’t mean what he, heck he probably didn’t even understand what it really meant but it still hurt. M is my first-born twin, my little bugman how could he tell ME such a thing? I am his mommy, the one who takes care of bad dreams, finds Bear before bed, buys him the sprinkle cookies from the food store and reads to him about Lego Ninjago. It wasnt that long ago he told me I was the Best Mommy Ever.

The words echoed in my head the entire ride into work. When I got to my desk I immediately called home to see how M was. Was he still crying? Did he feel guilty? My aunt (the babysitter) told me M was now bringing in either a gun he crafted out of bristle blocks or his Ninjago book and was happily eating a waffle and watching tv. And just like that it was over.

I am sure M will have worse things to say to me as the years go by,  but for now I am happy just being the greatest mommy ever.

ps – M brought in his Captain America figure with shield.

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