Dear Fair Godmother,
I am starting to worry, I haven’t heard from you in ages, is everything ok? Did you “forget” to send me your new mailing address again?
Anyway, my fairytale is just not happening the way we had discussed. I know, it’s my fairytale and I can’t compare myself to others (Snow White with a prince and a bunch of “little” men, Rapunzel with all that great hair or even Sleeping Beauty who actually gets a full nights sleep). But can’t you wave your wand and tweak a couple of things?
FG, when I said I wanted to be a successful, working mom, I was thinking of a career doing something I love, something with meaning – or at least making 6 figures. Not working 8-4 and paying close to 6 figures for health benefits for Prince Charming and the 4 princes.
If I must work, can’t you arrange for me to get ready in a peaceful atmosphere? Maybe a vanity with a velvet cushioned stool and perfect lighting where I can sit and put on my make-up ALONE. Standing in a cramped bathroom, where there is always a bulb out, trying to tweeze my eyebrows while L continuously flushes the toilet while throwing my Bobbi Brown eyeshadows ($22/each) all over the floor was not what I had in mind.
A huge walk-in-closet with racks of clothing (that all fit) arranged by color and a full length mirror I could twirl in front of would be nice. Instead I share a closet with Prince C and the kids and if I want to twirl, I have to walk through the kids’ room, over a pile of toys, and stand in hallway (remember those ugly mirrored doors in front of the washer/dryer we talked about).
Also, didn’t we had discuss how a working mom needs lots and lots of shoes, in a variety of heel heights and styles? You must have forgotten, why else would I have to crawl around on the closet floor looking for the missing left heel (as I wear the right) with J asking me for a red juice and M asking me who Bobafet is?
While on the topic of clothes FG, could you make me 5 inches taller? I know that I am almost 40 (ouch) and long past any growth spurt (at least a vertical one) but apparently pants are only made for people 5’8 or above. A couple of inches would really save me time in the morning (no more scrambling around in my closet for a pair of shoes high enough so my pants wont drag on the floor) and money at the tailor ($10/hem?!).
Sorry to go off on a tangent, what were we talking about? Oh my working mom fairytale. Let’s discuss childcare. I thought a nanny was a given. Someone like Supernanny or Mary Poppins (or even the chick from the Sound of Music). A firm yet motherly type who would whip the kids into shape and have dinner on the table by 5. Not my poor aunt and uncle who walk in to complete and total chaos every morning. Today L was wearing a bike helmet and his brother’s sneakers, clawing at the door to go outside and ride his scooter, J was crying for a lollipop and the other J standing half-naked in the bathroom watching Dora.
Lastly, why do all the radio stations play commercials, or Katy Perry, at the same time? How is a princess supposed to clear her head and get ready for the day when she is stuck listening to commercials for hair removal or pet supplies or that damn Firework song?
I have to wrap up, since I am writing this at work. I would really appreciate a response, please don’t make me Google you again. Thanks so much for your time!!
ps – what the hell happened to the Lunch Fairy? I had to bring pb&j and a bag of jellybeans for lunch today.