trying to find myself and humor in life

Archive for the tag “friendship”

It was a TGIF after all

Hello everyone and Happy Friday.

If I am being honest, today did not start off all that happy for me. I have been going through some personal “stuff” the past couple of weeks (I know..who hasn’t right?) and it has not been all sunshine and rainbows at Casa Chaos.

This morning I dropped the twins to camp, Jake to the bus and went on a tour of a potential daycare for L before I was finally able to come home and enjoy my Dunkin’ Donuts caramel coconut iced coffee.

In between cleaning up, throwing a load or 2 of laundry in and re-reading the daycare price quotes (OMG why did I not open my own daycare these prices are INSANE!!!) I managed to squeeze in some me-time on the couch.

SItting there I was suddenly hit with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I would liken it to feeling as if you had been kicked in the stomach without warning.

Did you ever have one of those days or moments? Maybe it was because I was tired (happy hour last night with work friends), emotionally exhausted from life or just having an off day. Whatever it was, I was prepared for a pity party.

Great just what Nikki needs ANOTHER pity party???

Ugh. I texted Midgie and Fergie hoping one or both of them could cheer me up. They patiently listened and offered me words of comfort mixed with tough love – after all who wants a friend to just pacify you during a pity party right?

During a texting lull it hit me – I have a lunch date with Rosa today!! YES there is a light at the end of my pity tunnel today!

I have written about my dear friend Rosa before. I have known her since the 6th grade when she and the class bully hid my snow boots. It was not until high school that we became close and have been friends since the first week of school freshman year.

I can not even count how many sleep overs, hangovers and “firsts” Rosa and I (along with our friend Hiral) have experienced.

No matter how much time has passed, Rosa, Hiral and I can ALWAYS pick up right where we left off. I have known these girls, “women”, for the better part of my life. They know all the good and bad and still love me the same.

There is no impressing them or sugar coating life (well…maybe a little every now and then), therefore, there is no dissapointment just happiness.

When I saw Rosa pull up in my driveway I felt 16 again – after all it was Rosa that did the majority of chauffeuring me around until I got a car at 22.

Unfortunately, today’s lunch was a quick one since Rosa had a 2pm conference call (it makes me laugh thinking that she is a real lawyer who has confernce calls).

We settled on the diner for lunch and caught up over salads. It was by far, THE best 60 minutes I have spent all week.

When she pulled away I actually felt optimistic that maybe, just maybe, there would be some good coming my way. Maybe it wont be this month or even the next couple months but hopefully (fingers crossed, knock on wood) it will be sooner rather than later.

As I sat by the pool later on in the afternoon with the boys, I felt myself daydreaming. For a change though there wasn’t any “woe is me” thoughts (shocking right??).

Rather, it was me actually feeling confident. Yes I can do something, get a better job, a great job and finally be proud of myself.

Heck, I was feeling so motivated I actually thought about making a “vision board” since Oprah swears by them.

I am not sure how long this feeling will last or if the vision board will ever come to be but at least I know the value of friendship and am blessed to have real friends in my life.

Thanks for a great lunch Rosa xoxox

Have a good weekend everyone.

…you’re my inspiration….

Hello all of you out there in the great blogosphere. How are you today?? The beautiful Garden State has taken on a rainforest- like feel lately and I (and my hair) are so NOT happy.

It’s a short work week, thanks to the 4th of July holiday, and my office is DEAD (it’s awesome). Most of the attorneys are on vacation and everyone is keeping to themselves hoping and wishing there will be no “emergencies” tomorrow afternoon at 5pm.

My morning did not start happy – thanks to the 4 young people who cohabitate with me – but it started to perk up on my ride into work.

I was taking J to “camp” and he was very happy.  “Mirrors” was playing on the radio followed by “Genie in a Bottle” (it was like my birthday!) which helped.

Walking back to my car after J’s drop off, I started to feel inspired. WAY back in my first Random Monday Thoughts post here, I talked about how my friend Mrs. Jeter talked me into signing up for National Novel Writing Month.

I still can not believe that I actually signed up for the challenge.  The thought of WRITING A NOVEL terrifies me!!!!!!! I am a pseudo-blogger not a writer. However, I have slowly started to embrace (somewhat reluctantly) the idea and even signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo taking place the entire month of July.

I worked up the courage to actually tell someone, other than Mrs. Jeter, about this crazy idea last week. I assumed my friend Nic would laugh (either at me or with me) and that would be it.

You know what they say, never assume.

Nic actually listened and said it was a great idea. What are you afraid of…success? she said when I asked if she heard me correctly.

I explained that just the word “novel” intimidated the crap out of me. A novel has so many words and chapters, no way I could fill that. My use of grammar is lacking (to say the least) and I can’t imagine developing a story with characters to make up a NOVEL.

Nic took it all in, I could almost see the wheels turning in her head, before simply saying Why does it have to be one long story? Why not just do a bunch of short stories…make the last “chapter” tie them all together and you’re done.

Holy crap! I didn’t even have a sarcastic comeback. I just sat there speechless for a couple of seconds before responding with  ….short stories?? I never thought of that! I can do that!

I guess you can say that was my “Ahha Moment” and since then I have drafted “chapters” in my head. These “stories” pop in at random times so I started to keep a journal to help me remember. Heck, I may also buy a wireless keyboard for my Ipad but I’ll save the Apple store adventure for another time.

Anyway, getting back to the title of today’s post. I chose it not so you would have the Chicago song in your head, but rather because my dear friend Mrs. Jeter.

You see, Jeter is now a VERY famous blogger over at Waiting on a Word. She has been Freshly Pressed and won more blogger awards than I can even count.

Jeter’s most recent award was the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award” and after reading her post last night, and being lucky enough to have been mentioned, it got me thinking about inspiration and how sometimes it just shows up, unannounced and uninvited.

Regardless, when inspiration comes knocking, it’s best to let her in, offer her an adult beverage and make her feel right at home.

That is my plan and I am asking you, my friends, to help me stick to it. No matter how many excuses I come up with (I am very good at making excuses) my plan is to have at least 2 chapters/short stories drafted by the end of July.

It’s a big challenge and I hope I am up to it but I may need your help now and then when I am feeling discouraged. Can you do that for me???

Thank you for reading and enjoy your Tuesday.

Ps – thanks Nic and Jeter for inspiring me to move outside my comfort zone 🙂



Growing up I was always the “shy one”. It didn’t matter if I was among family, strangers or peers, I was the quiet one, observing, taking it all in and praying I would not draw any attention on myself. (Yes Mrs. Grey this is 100% true!)

If someone or something did manage to drag me into a conversation or group, my face immediately turned 10 shades of red and my voice (which is already pretty high) went up 5 octaves. If all that wasn’t bad enough, I also picked up the habit of twisting my hands in to a pretzel when speaking to anyone “outside my comfort zone.

Despite all this, I was able to make friends along the way (lol). No one would mistake me for Miss Popularity but it is quality over quantity after all.

In high school, college and even in the “real world” I have been lucky, blessed actually, to make some very special dear friends.

To be honest, it was easier to make friends when I was younger. Maybe it was because I wasn’t really sure of who I was, confidence is not a strong suit of mine, but back then I was just happy someone wanted to go to the mall with me and thought I was funny (come to think of it, those are still 2 things I look for in a friend – lol).

After getting married and settling into “adult life” it was harder to meet new people. Where does a 30-something go to meet “friends” after working all day?

Slowly, with the arrival all my brood of boys, I started meeting new friends, moms mostly. Some of these women I clicked with immediately (CC, Fergie, Mrs. Mayor) and others … not so much.

At first, I always worried if the new mom friend would like me. We would go for drinks or to a book club and the whole time I was thinking OMG does she think I am a nerd? I wonder if she can’t wait to escape from me? Why the hell did I just say that, now X will think I am an idiot!

Mostly my paranoia has been for naught. I have learned (well I am still learning, it is a work in progress) that if I just relax and be myself people, other women, will like me. Shockingly, I am really not that bad. I’m funny (more sarcastic), fun (yes, me can you believe it??)  and not a total embarrassment to be seen with in public (as I was told at my office Xmas party “Nicole, you clean up good!”).

I am not always a good friend. There are times I am selfish, self-absorbed and even jealous (gasp!) but I hope my friends now how much they mean to me and that I value them in my life.

This Sunday I am in for a real treat. I am going to “the City” to meet 3 of my closest friends for brunch. I have known some of these girls since I was 11  – when I was the “new kid” in a very small catholic school, and socially awkward and fat.

We used to be inseparable my girls and me. Never was one of us without the other(s) either in person or on the phone. Even when we all went off to separate colleges we still manages to stay close. It’s been harder over the years. Life happened, people change and grow and life moves on.

Luckily, through the grace of Facebook, I have been able to still remain a part of these women’s lives. I may not see them but I know some of what is going on with them and they with me.

The one special bond I share with these ladies is that I know, no matter what, if one of us were in trouble the others would be there. I don’t have a doubt in my mind that if I called one of them, even after not seeing them in over 4 years, they would be there for me.

Despite all this, I am still a little nervous about brunch on Sunday. I know I haven’t been the best friend, especially since I had kids, but I hope they know that I love them, will always consider them a friend and that they will always have a special place in my life.

What will it be like when we are all together Sunday?????

Will there be a polite silence or the obligatory “How are you?” when we first see each other?

Or, will it just be like old times, with a hug hello (a handshake for me and R) before we start laughing and picking up where we left off?

I don’t know but I am SO looking forward to it – and I hope they are too.

Me Being Philosophical (yikes!)

I have felt very philosophical since Hurricane Sandy stampeded on us over a week ago. It’s a change from the sarcastic, cynical and  occasionally witty Nicole that is usually around. 

Dont be scared, it’s not like I have sat around pondering world peace or the holy Trinity while wearing glasses. my hair in a bun and sipping on a glass of sherry.

I don’t know, maybe it was seeing all the devastation by Sandy or how amazing it is to see regular, everyday people helping one another in a time of need that has gotten me thinking. 

Regardless, today on the way into work my thoughts were all over the place. I was deep into a Maroon 5 song (I swear Adam was speaking directly to me) and I was thinking about the people in my life today. Some have remained a constant, family (of course) and a few very close friends. Others, however, have entered (and sometimes left) at the most random times. 

I guess I have Facebook to blame or thank for this. Now you can’t “hide” from your past or present, it is out there on every social media site. Seriously though, did you ever stop wonder why someone enters your life at a particular time?

Is it divine intervention that brings someone you have not seen or spoken to in close to 20 years back into your life? An old “best friend” that you lost contact with or an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend that you dated many moons ago?

Maybe it is just coincidence that these people happened to find you on Facebook or saw your picture in an Alumni magazine. Heck, maybe they were just stalking you and decided to send you a message. I guess we can never really know.

There have been a couple of people that I have reconnected with that I truly believe were brought into my life for a purpose. These people have shown and shared with me things that I didn’t know existed.

Personal stories of heartache and survival that made me think Hey, if X can overcome all that, I can TOTALLY get through my life drama.

Others have shown me things about myself that I either took for granted or didn’t bother to appreciate. They have shown me (or at least tried to show me – I am a bit stubborn) that I am smart, witty, independent  and, more importantly, a good person.

I am a person worthy of anything I want as long as I am willing to go after it. I am not the same shy, insecure girl I was “back in the day”  who didn’t think she deserving of x, y or z and chose to settle instead.

I don’t know if these “new” people will hang around for the long haul, pop up every now and again or simply disappear back into oblivion. If I am being honest, I really hope they stay because they make me happy. Their comments, messages and notes truly bring a smile to my face.

Thanks to all of you and Happy Thursday!

Thelma & Louise

Thelma & Louise (Jersey style)

Recently Mrs. Jeter and I were issued a temporary leave of absence from our daily lives. It took a LOT of planning (and in my case a LOT of pleading) but by the grace of what could only be our Fairy Godmothers, we were granted blessed with 48 hours of childless, bliss or in other words “girl time.”

I wont lie to you, in the weeks leading up to this trip I was a little nervous. Jeter and I have been friends for 12 years, however, we have never spent that much time together. I am sure our husbands would beg to differ, citing our constant texting as “time spent” but seriously, that is NOT the same.

In all our years as friends Mrs. J and I have never shared a room, stayed overnight at each other’s homes or even “gotten ready” to go out in the same space. Bizarre right???

Thoughts of Suppose my snoring annoys her? Will she HATE that I take so much time to do my make-up? Will she yell at me for leaving hair all over the bathroom like the husband does? OMG suppose she doesn’t want to watch E News and MTV?????

Well as is usually the case with me, my worrying was for nothing (technically I guess you would have to ask her if and of the above annoyed her). I can honestly say, Mrs. J and I had the ABSOLUTE  BEST weekend I have had in a VERY long time.

The weekend was not spent doing exciting, once-in-a-lifetime activities, like skydiving or bungee jump – though we did attempt tattoos but the places looked scary.

Instead it was spent on our own terms. For the fist time, in God only knows how long, there were no schedules to follow, no kids to feed, chores to be done and no scheduled time to be anywhere.

No, we were FREE in every meaning of the word. We shopped, ate, drank (a lot), slept and watched tv. We laughed (like a couple of middle school girls),  gossiped, shared hopes/dreams/fears and even sat in silence doing our own thing.

At times we tried to re-live our youth, pretend we were different people than we are in our everyday lives. People who were 23 again – carefree, single and “fun” with the knowledge we now possess at 40 (a pure fantasy right?). It was great.

Those 48-hours flew by. The months, weeks and days leading up to the trip were just a blur as we drove north on 295. Jeter blasted her “90s Playlist” on her iPod trying to keep our moods bright but happy but I don’t think there is any playlist that could have accomplished that.

The mood on the car ride home was sullen and I even cried (ok, I may have been a tad hung over). We consoled ourselves by being thankful that we were able to have the weekend to enjoy and would have happy memories to last forever. We even made plans for another trip this summer (shhhh don’t tell the husbands yet).

I am sure to some our weekend may not seem all that exciting – two 40-somethings spending the weekend together in a college town. But to us it was perfect and more importantly it was “us”.

The past couple of days I have been thinking over our weekend, reliving bits and pieces and trying to come up with THE best moment. Was it staying up till 2:30am or staying in bed till 11:30am?? Was it browsing the mall in peace, laughing non-stop or singing along to VH-1’s Best of the 90s Videos?

Who knows. Maybe it was all the above or maybe it was none.

All I do know is that when I think of the weekend it makes me smile. In fact, I think I smiled all weekend. A genuine, happy smile.

Thanks for a great time Mrs. Jeter! Thanks for being my Thelma and being my friend – Lord knows it is not always an easy task!!

Until June 2013….

Cliques NEVER go away

Growing up I was not the popular girl in school. I was the shy, quiet, slightly chubby girl who never misbehaved and always handed in her homework in grammar school.

I went to catholic school so I escaped the middle school experience. However, in 6th grade my mom decided it would be a good idea to have me and my brother change schools.

Soooooooooooooo NOT a good idea. I would never recommend changing schools while going through puberty, in addition to be slightly chubby and shy – let’s not even discuss the aftermath of chicken pox scarring.

Sixth grade was the worst school year EVER! I was in a class of under 20 kids, the majority of whom had known each other since kindergarten. Cliques were formed and none was too eager to take on the “new girl.”

Instead I got teased, name called (fat and scarface just to name a few) and excluded from all groups.  The icing on the cake was when the “popular” girl (Aida) and her friends hid by snow boots before recess.

I cried the entire school year and begged my mom to keep me home or let me go back to my old school and nothing worked.

By the grace of God, I survived 6th grade and 7th and 8th as well. Things got better each year and I even managed to make a couple of friends before moving on to high school.

My high school was also catholic and VERY tiny (I graduated with 40 kids). Still, cliques formed pretty much from day 1 and remained the same the entire 4 years. Sure new kids came and went and occasionally there were fights within cliques (we are talking high school and girls)  but the foundations stayed the same.

St Marys (circa 1986 – 1990) had the Volleyballers, The Jocks, The Jersey City Kids, The Honor Society Kids and the Burn Outs. We each had our own section in the cafeteria and our own area in home room.

There was intermingling among clique members (R’s house parties, nights spend in G’s basement with the black light) but you knew your “friends” and that was it.

When you and your “friends” got into a fight it was always very dramatic with tears and endless phone calls back and forth (R even had 3-way calling). You thought your world was over if  you were not invited to sit next to so and so during assembly or excluded from a Saturday afternoon trip to the Garden State Plaza – the horror!!

The “elders” (anyone over the age of 16) always told you things would get better and that adults weren’t petty like teenagers were and you naïvely believed them.

College was somewhat better. Sure you had the Greeks and the Jocks but college kids think they are SO mature and grown up that there were plenty of cliques to belong to, after all you were always trying to “find yourself” and see where you fit in.

You assured yourself that once you graduated and got “real” jobs there would be no more cliques or a “popular crowd” and life would be fine.

Never have I been so wrong for nothing is worse than The Work Place Clique (except maybe the School Mom Clique but that is another blog for another day).

My first “real” job was in an office in Paramus, NJ (5 minutes from 3 major malls). I strutted off the elevator my first day wearing some green and white dress thinking I had arrived. I was introduced to my VERY hot boss (Rich M – oh what ever happened to you??) and to others in the office before being brought over to my tiny, windowless office.

I waited for the people to come over and visit with me and ask me to go to lunch but they never came. Instead I watched little groups of people come and go in the days and weeks that followed. The Smokers, The Creatives, The Married Ones and the Pretty Ones.  OMG  there are work cliques too?????


Slowly I was able to navigate my way through various offices and work cliques, learning something new at every location.

Always smile at people and say “Hi” or “Hey” (even if you see them in the hall 10x), be friendly to EVERYONE (even the weird guy in data processing b/c if he goes insane one day you want him on your side) and be VERY careful and extremely cautious with those you “trust” (but really, trust no one).

I have been at my current office for 12 years and while it is small and pretty relaxed, it is not always the easiest place to make friends.

Over the years I have had “work” friends, made some “real friends” and learned that nothing beats a candy dish on your desk. 

I have grown up a lot in this office and learned (sometimes the hard way) that people are not always who they appear (or pretend) to be. At times, breaking up with a work friend can seem worse than breaking up with a boyfriend because  you are forced to see that person everyday from 9-5.

When a co-worker and I  “broke up”  several years ago, it was devastating. This was a person I had shared private, personal things with. We had been to each other’s houses, knew each other’s families and ate countless lunches together.

I tried to win the co-worker back, brought her in her favorite candy and visited her desk but nothing worked. It was over and I needed to accept that.

Eventually I moved on, started talking to new people and got over it. In some ways the break up was a godsend, it forced me to take a look at myself and deal with my insecurities and to grow up. In hindsight, I know that the break up was the best thing to happen, however, I wont lie, every once in a while it would sting to see the co-worker and her “new bff” leaving for lunch or a trip to CVS.

Over the past few years, my office had gone through some major changes. Management, layoffs, retirement, and office morale just to name a few.

The office dynamic also changed as have the cliques. I have my own little clique of friends but still try to follow my rules (although sometimes my face will give things/thoughts away). I was feeling pretty confident and happy until Tuesday.

Tuesday started off like it always does – boring. I was revising a document and IM’g my friend N when she told me an email had gone around getting a group together to go to lunch at some Mexican place. N said she wasnt going and started talking about shoes when it hit me WTF, I wasnt invited!!!

OMG how could I have not been invited? I talk to all those people (Magic Mike, IT Guy etc.) and no one thought to include me? Why? What did I do? I am nice!

This is ALL i thought about for the rest of the day. My feelings were really hurt. Instead of brushing it off and acting like a mature, 40yo woman, I was 12 again and crying because my boots were hidden.

I tried to laugh it off, make fun of the lunch group etc. but obviously it still bothers me since I am blogging about it.

Why is it always easier to tell other people that work people don’t matter, just do your job and go home?  I guess deep down everyone want to feel likes and accepted. 

I have survived much worse than the Qdobo lunch rejection. I know I will be fine, heck I am fine,  yet I can’t get over the rejection (maybe it’s pms).

Anyway, I promise this will be my last complaint/whine about it. Maybe next time I see that lunch crew leave I’ll even wish them well (and curse them in my head).

Happy Thursday!!!!

Heaven is a place on Earth – for 3 hours and 10 minutes anyway

Mrs. Jeter & Me

A few months back, Mrs. Jeter and I came up with our very own “bucket list.” Unlike the typical “bucket list” ours did not consist of jumping out of an airplane or climbing Mt. Everest. Ours was a simpler list consisting of an all-day Seinfeld marathon, getting tattoos and a beach day without kids AND red Solo cups (it’s a work in progress).

Between the 2 of us, Mrs. Jeter and I have 6 kids, each with a different camp/school schedule (not to mention some with ASD), full-time jobs and spoiled husbands which leaves us with ZERO time for ourselves. However, we were determined to cross at least one thing off our list this summer.

This past Friday, our determination, with a little divine intervention, paid off and at 9:15am we found ourselves on 195 south heading toward Pt. Pleasant. Yes, Mrs. Jeter and I were about to embark on our first ever beach trip together with NO KIDS!!

There was just one problem, I had to be back to “reality” by 3pm to pick the twins up from camp. That only left us a little over 3 hours of beach time, would that be enough??  After minimal debate it was decided that 3 hours was better than 0 hours so the plan was set.

We met up in the Panera parking lot and must have looked like a couple of teenagers jumping up and down and giggling. OMG it was really happening, we were really going down the shore!!!

We threw our bags into Mrs. Jeter’s minivan and took a quick inventory – chairs (check), umbrella (check), iPhones (check), red Solo cups…damn it no cups! Ugh, how the heck would we consume the margaritas I had stashed in my cute Vera Bradley cooler with no cups?

Wait, I had an idea, I could run into Panera and buy 2 iced teas – quench our thirst AND re-use the cups for Jose Cuervo. Problem solved and we were on our way.

The ride to Pt. Pleasant flew by as we reminisced of summers past – drinking at the Tiki Bar, baking in the sun for hours (and hours with an spf of 10) and summer shares. Mrs. Jeter was even able to spot one of the houses she had rented like 15 years ago. I offered to take her picture in front of it but she passed.

We parked in the closest lot (what’s $15 when we had 3 hours of beach time ahead of us) and ran up to the boardwalk. Together we just stood there, chairs in hand, in complete and utter amazement. Are we really here? Is the sun really shining? Are the kids and husbands really not here?

We paid for our beach tags and bolted to find the perfect beach spot – preferably far away from any skinny girls in skimpy bikinis. We set up camp quickly and settled into our chairs before letting out a huge, collective AHHHHHHHHHH!!

The next 3 hours were nothing short of bliss. For 3 hours we had NOTHING to worry about. There were no drinks to pour, no phones to answer or work assignments due. Instead we sat in beach chairs, facing the water, sipping margaritas under the hot, August sun smiling and laughing.

All good things must come to an end and our beach day ended WAY TOO SOON. It felt like I had just sat down and before I was packing up and preparing for the car ride home – NO!!!!!

We decided to give ourselves one last treat before heading home and dined on ice cream (soft serve vanilla/chocolate swirl) for lunch. It was THE perfect ending to THE perfect day.

It hasn’t even been a week and already my beach day seems like a lifetime ago. Pretty soon I won’t remember what we talked (the drama of KPatt and our love of Magic Mike, obliques and Princess Kate) but I will always have my beach memories (and some pictures) to help jog my memory every now and then.

Thanks Mrs. Jeter!! Next item off the list – tattoos!!

This is NOT lemonade

The one who got away (sort of)

Adele [Someone Like You]

I must admit, I was late getting on the Adele band wagon. I tried but I just could not get into “Rolling in the Deep” and when I did kisten the chorus would stick in my head all day (don’t you hate that?!).

Then I heard “Someone Like You” and OMG was I a changed woman. That song was (and is) A-Mazing!  The minute I heard it I thought it was the perfect song to listen to after a break up. Sitting in sweats, or pjs, hair in a ponytail, tear-stained face, tissues everywhere and a pint of ice cream nearby as you belt out “who would have known how bittersweet this would taste”.

Last week, on my Easter Bunny trip to Target, I saw the CD while on the check out line. It was an impulse buy I couldn’t pass up. Now I could listen to my 3 favorite songs over and over (this is what I do with CDs, I only listen to the songs I know).

Today on my ride into work I was listening to Adele and was brought back to my first real crush. This was not a run of the mill crush, this was a serious, lasted for years kind of crush and his name was C. 

Ahhhhhh. I first saw C when I was in 8th grade and my friend L took me to a high school basketball game (she was a freshman at the time). The moment I saw C time stood still, he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen (I was 14 and had only seen George Clooney on the Facts of Life).

C and I went the same high school and I stared at him every chance I got. I am pretty sure he didn’t know I existed,  except maybe to know that I was in his brother’s class. Oh, the love I had for this boy. Just seeing him in the hallway would make my day.

I can clearly remember the day, sophomore year, when it was just me and him in the hallway under the church. I was wearing my uniform and had a banana clip in my hair (it was the late 80s) and he said HI. O-M-G I practically skipped back to class to tell my friends!

For my 15th birthday my friends gave me a picture of C that I kept in my jewelry box, it was a treasure. Nothing could compare to the excitement I felt at the party following my junior ring ceremony. C had left his varsity baseball jacket in a bedroom and I was modeling it for my friends. We were just about to take my picture in it when the police came and broke up the party (some kids thought it would be a good idea to smoke pot in the front yard – damn them!).

C was oblivious to my crush and dated a couple of girls in school. I was utterly heart-broken when he started hooking up with S, a cheerleader no less, at a basketball game. I went home that night and cried my eyes out while listening to the Tiffany song “Could’ve Been”. There is nothing like teenage heartbreak (even if the entire romance was in your head).

I  never saw C or his brother after high school (not even on Facebook if you can believe that).  I wonder what happened to him. Did he go to college? Did he move away? Did he get married and have kids? C if you ever read this just know “we could have had it all”  (lol)

Social Media and Me

I am NOT a social media guru. Sure I am on Facebook, Pinterest  and  Twitter (my tweeting skills need some help but I can follow celebs like a pro!).  I signed up for Google+ last week (after asking 5 people what it was and how to do it) but that is it. I do not have my own mommy&everything Facebook page with a custom timeline (huh?) and I have no idea how to attend a “twitter party.” The only time I feel like a pseudo guru is when I am telling my mom for the 100th time how to login and send a message on Facebook .

I remember my first invite to Facebook back in 2008. It was from a sorority sister and I thought she was NUTS. Why the heck would I want to “friend” people I hadn’t talked to in years? 

Well that didn’t last long. Before I knew it I was on Facebook trying to accumulate as many “friends” as I could. There was the co-worker from down the hall, the girl from high school who sat behind me in home room and let’s not forget the fraternity brother of my brother who I hadn’t seen since 1998. Heck, I even looked up an old boyfriend AND hook up from college (DUMB!).

As the months and years wore on I began to get bored with Facebook. I didn’t really care about all my “friends” and their daily posts about trips, significant others and their overall fabulous lives.

I started to really look at my “friends” and weed out people I truly didn’t want in my life. It has made all the difference. Now my “friends” are people I want to keep in touch with and hear what they have to say (most times). The weeding is a work in progress, however,  since I know understand that relationships change over and that is a good thing.

I like getting to see pictures of my cousin’s baby in NY and hearing how well my god-daughter did in her swim meet.  I like being able to ask a dorm-mate from college his opinion on self-promotion (btw JP I am still waiting for an answer if you are reading this) or how the construction on my high school friend’s house is coming.

Life is so busy it’s hard (for me at least) to keep in touch with friends and relatives but social media has helped. I know it isn’t the best way and a wall post does not replace a phone call but we do what we have to do to get by.

Yesterday I got messages from 2 people I love. One is a dear friend from high school and the other a friend I met at work years ago. We haven’t seen each other in years but I know what they have been up to and what their kids are doing all thanks to Facebook. When I saw their names come up in my notifications yesterday it made me so happy and to me that is what social media is all about.

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Rejected by “the mommies” and I lived to tell

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The weeks after the birth of a child, especially your first can be very lonely. When you first come home from the hospital there is constant stream of company. Everyone wants to help you and the baby and gifts and meals appear on your counter. As the weeks go by the company starts to dwindle, the husband and your mom go back to work and the only gifts you get are bills from the hospital.  Now it it’s just you and the baby – yikes!!

This was my life in June 2006 except I had 2 babies. I felt so alone. My work friends were busy with work and didn’t have time to listen to my funny baby stories. Friends who already had kids didn’t care if I was up all night, since they were up too, and they had their own kid(s) to deal with. The husband didn’t care whether M pooped or J had gas, he was at work. Ugh, never did my house feel so small (relatively speaking).

Then I remembered a nurse talking to me when I was being discharged from the hospital. She happened to live in my town and told me I should join her mommy group. It’s great she said, they will even make you a casserole. I was hesitant, not being much of a joiner, but desperation won out so I made the call to the mommy president.

I remember being so nervous when the answering machine picked up. Do I leave a message? What do I say? Suppose she doesn’t like me? ran through my head.

I waited days for a call back. It was worse than dating since mommies don’t have to follow the 3-day rule. Finally the mommy president called.  Her name was V and she was as nice as nice could be.  V told me how CUTE it was that I had twins. She asked if they were sleeping through the night (they were maybe 7 weeks at this point) and where I lived in town? This is great,  I thought, I’m in!

Not.  Do you work? she asked. Why yes! I went on and on about being on maternity leave and how my aunt was going to watch the twins when I went back to work in the fall. Her response (insert passive aggressive tone) Ohhhhh….our members don’t work.

Surely she was joking. It was 2006 was I the only person who had to pay for medical benefits?? Sensing my disappointment she told me I was more than welcome to take part in activities until I went back to work.  It was too late, they rejected me.  I was a new mom with 2 babies, 60lbs overweight rejected by “the mommies”.

Why don’t you join a twin mom club? my ob-gyn told me after hearing of my rejection at my post-baby appointment. Twins mom huh? That sounds easy enough. I emailed the membership coordinator when I got home and made arrangements to attend then next meeting.

Big mistake. The twins moms were like a sorority high on caffeine. They greeted me with forms to fill out and an explanation of the yearly dues (dues really?). I was also told about all the benefits of membership, the pizza dough fundraiser and mandatory snack duty. What?! I was 34 years old and looking for women to laugh and complain with. Maybe someone to enjoy a drink with (and not the kind that came in a box). Selling pizza dough was not exactly what I had in mind.

Time went on and me and the boys spent our “free” time strolling the aisles of Target or power walking at the park. Fall came and back to work I went. Working full-time and trying to raise twins left me little time to think about joining a club, unless of course, it was a sleep club.

Well that was 6 years ago and I am happy to report that I am just fine (again relatively speaking). In the years since I have made many mommy acquaintances and even a few mommy friends. Heck, I even joined a book club where we “discuss” a book for 10 minutes and then laugh and complain and drink lots of wine – it’s great!

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