trying to find myself and humor in life

Archive for the tag “mommy”

Mommy will give you candy??

BK (before kids) I had dreams of what my family would look like. Me and the husband would have 2 kids (boy/girl). The boy would be blond with blue eyes and the girl would have dark, curly hair. They would be THE most adorable children on the planet and ALWAYS be impeccably dressed.

I swore to NEVER allow my child to dress in mismatched outfits, have a dirty face or hands or wear ratty t-shirts with pictures on them. As if!!

I remember glaring at other moms in the mall and shaking my head in disgust at the way they let their children dress in public. To paraphrase Taylor Swift that would never, ever, ever, ever be me!

When the twins were born (my firsts) I would carefully pick out matching outfits for them daily. They never repeated an outfit (even if we were sitting in the house) and if, God forbid, they spilled ANYTHING on themselves, that item was quickly removed, stain-treated and replaced with an equally cute one.

I would spend money like it grew on trees in Baby Gap, Gymboree, Lord & Taylor etc. scrounging the racks for that “perfect” onsie. I took the twins for professional pictures every 3 months (duh, that is what a good mom does) and would plan their outfits for weeks right down to the socks.

J came along 2 years later and I still tried to continue with my obsessive behavior. I remember leaving for the hospital (J was a c-section) and picking out a week’s worth of outfits for the twins to wear while I was gone. After all, I wanted them to look their best when they came to visit my in the hospital.

Once J came home and I was dealing with 3 boys I became a little lax. The twins were starting to become interested in things like Toy Story, Cars and trucks and wanted to wear shirts with those pictures. I grimaced but decided to pick my battles. I was running on no sleep so what did it matter if M wore a shirt with Buzz Lightyear to Target??

By the time L came along (18 months later) I could care less what the kids wore as long as they were dressed. It became easier to let the twins pick out their own clothes rather than fight with them and their wardrobes started consisting of shirts with either Monster Trucks, superheros or race cars.

Gone were the jeans and matching buttown downs. Now I am lucky if they even match a shirt to their track pants and try arguing with a 6yo that his “favorite” Star Wars Lego shirt is too small to wear out in public.

Anyway, today is picture day at my youngest’s pre-k. L hasn’t had professional photos done since he was 3 months old so this is a big deal for me.

After getting the picture form, I ran to the mall to find him the “perfect” picture outfit (on sale of course). I patted myself on the back, as I admired the outfit on the hanger. Damn, he will look SO cute, I thought to myself.

This morning I carefully ironed the shirt and pirate pants (khakis with pirate skulls on them) and button down (I only iron kids’ clothes for photo ops and holidays) and called screamed for him to come upstairs to get dressed.

No Mommy, I watching tv…you come here and dress me was the response I received. I yelled 2 more times before conceding (a mom has got to pick her battles when she is running late for work) and bringing the outfit to the living room.

Look L, look at the handsome pirate pants and shirt Mommy got you I said a little too excitedly. Those my pirate pants? Argh Matey L replied.

I quickly put the pants and button down on him and told me he looked VERY handsome. One more thing and then you can go play, I said as I attempted to pull the coordinating, v-neck sweater over his head. Which resulted in the following exchange.

NO!! I NO WANT DIS SHIRT…I WEAR DIS SHIRT! L yelled pulling at his button-down. 

L, honey, come on, you HAVE to wear the sweater Mommy got you. You will look so handsome.


L please, it’s getting late and Mommy has to go to work I pleaded trying to pry his right arm through the sweater hole.


I became desperate,  I should have been halfway to work and instead I was on the living room floor pleading with an almost 3yo.

L if you wear the sweater….Mommy will give you a cookie.

NO, I no want cookie.

Crap, cookies always work, now what. I could hear the voices of  Hot Mrs. Jeter (she has asked to be referred to as “hot” from now on) and my Mom and the husband telling me to “let it go”. “The button-down looks fine, who cares?”  “Don’t drive yourself nuts over a sweater.”

They are right, I thought as I looked at L half-dressed running away from me. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if he is wearing a pull over and a shirt??

Hell yes it matters! and I used the last card in my deck…L do you want candy? If you wear the sweater Mommy will give you candy???

Candy? He said in his sweetest voice. Yes, candy. Just put on the sweater.

Ok Mommy.

And that my friends is how I got L dressed for his school pictures.

No, I am not 100% proud of my behavior. I did, after all, allow myself to be manipulated by a toddler. However, the bribe actually worked and helped me get my way.

I am sure in 20 years I will look back (or rather he will) and ask what the hell I was thinking dressing him like that. Heck, I don’t even know if L will smile for the photographer today (although he better since it’s $45) but at least I know he looked cute when he left the house.


Honey, I “forgot” to feed the kids lunch today

French bread sandwich with fries.

French bread sandwich with fries. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t leave the husband alone with the 4 kids all that often. There are food-shopping trips on a Sunday or a Target run but that is never more than an hour or two so it’s not a big deal.  If I know I will be gone longer I try to do as much as I can before I leave (feed/dress kids, crock pot, etc) to ensure it’s an easy day for both the husband and me.

Today I was meeting a friend for lunch and I knew I would be gone at least 3-4 hours. It was a sunny Saturday so I figured the husband would just play around with the kids outside most of the morning. The boys were THRILLED that daddy was home from work today. I dressed the younger kids and made sure everyone had breakfast before I left.

Lunch was great. It was so fun to be out with another adult who is funny, smart and interesting. We chatted away about everything from playdates to baby showers to whether a bridesmaid dress can ever be re-used (NO!). Apparently we were having a little too much fun because after 2 hours, our waitress (with the bright purple eyeshadow) told us we had to leave because we were taking up her table (you can imagine the tip that remark earned her).

I was in a good mood on the way home and decided to stop for margarita mix. I texted the husband to see if he needed anything. Thinking he would say beer you can imagine my surprise when I got this as a response

yes, lunch for kids

Huh? It was 2pm, how  could the kids not have eaten lunch by 2?! My blood pressure rose as I drove home after making a stop at DD for munchkins (the lunch of champions). The kids ran up to me and the munchkins like they had been on a deserted island without food or water for months.

I thought I would try a new approach with the husband. Instead of pouncing when I saw him, I handed him an iced coffee and asked how his day was. As he sipped the ice coffee I asked how exactly it was that the kids had not eaten, by now it was 2:30. His response was very matter of fact, Oh, I forgot and they wanted to wait for you to get home.

Ok here is my problem, how do you “forget” to feed 4 boys lunch? Maybe if the kids were infants the husband could forget what time a bottle was due or that the baby could have applesauce. However, when you have 4 boys who range in age from 5-2, how do you just “forget” to feed them? The husband remembers to feed himself. I met him when he was 30 and he was not starving by any means. He remembers to feed himself  lunch at work and he is capable of getting a beer from the fridge so it can’t be a physical problem.

I started to worry that there was something wrong with the husband.  He is older than me, could he be losing his mind? Can you get Alzheimer’s at his age?  Worried I confided in my friends and was SHOCKED by what they told me.  Their husbands do the same thing – they “forget” to feed their children, and even change a diaper, while they are out!

OMG it’ s an epidemic among husband and fathers!! What should we as moms and wives do? Is there a pill they can take or a class that will “remind” them to feed their children? Do we try to get a government grant to study this problem and see if there is a cure?

I am going to think about this a little more. I guess for now I will just have to prep the kids to remind daddy to feed them if mommy isn’t home, after all the kids NEVER have a problem telling me that they are hungry/thirsty. I’ll keep you posted on my progress

Oh no mommy’s sick

A box of Scotties tissues

A box of Scotties tissues (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It started Sunday night, that scratchy feeling in my throat and a slight headache. No, it can’t be, I must have drank too much.

Monday morning the alarm went off and my head felt like it weighed 50lbs. I forced myself out of bed thinking a hot shower would make me feel better but it didn’t. When I went down to the kitchen and realized I had no appetite for coffee (gasp!) I knew it was official, I was getting a cold.

When the husband or boys get sick I go into Nurse Noodle mode. I pour the oj, wipe the noses (the kids not the husband) and dole out the ibuprofen. I am there to get blankets or change the movie in the dvd player or even bring a special snack. It’s a mommy’s job to take care of everyone and make them feel better. But who takes care of mommy when she is sick?

All I wanted to do on Monday was take a nap on the couch but try explaining that to 4 kids home from school. My attempts at napping were met with L pulling my eye lids open, J asking for red juice and the twins asking when lunch would be ready. Afterwards there was dinner to be made, clothes to be washed, pajamas to put on and kids to tuck in. Life can’t stop when mommy is sick.

On the way home from work today all I could think about was getting into my pj pants and covering myself with a warm blanket. The kids had other ideas. The 4 boys greeted me at the door, all talking over one another about their day at Bounce U and asking when dinner would be ready.

The husband brought me home soup from the diner and just as I was about to put the spoon to my lips in walked L asking for a spoon and some of my soup. His brothers soon followed asking to go outside and ride their scooters. Ugh, no one cares when mommy is sick.

The kids are in bed, except L who is watching me type. Finally I am in my pj pants, under my blanket debating if I have the energy to make a cup of tea. I hope this cold doesn’t hang around too long. It can’t I am the mommy of the house and I have things to do. Besides everyone knows knows that if mommy is sick no one is happy – most of all mommy.


That's My Mommy

Image via Wikipedia

It started around 6:30am this morning. I was all cozy in my bed thrilled to realize it was not Monday and that L had slept the entire night in his own bed. It was like winning the lottery until I heard mooooommmeeeee….where are you? Ugh, L was up AND looking for me. Why can’t I have kids who like to sleep or at least sleep until 7am???

I got L all settled with Nick Jr. (Dora was on) when I heard more feet on the steps, the whole crew was up and heading my way. My first response was to run and hide until a decent hour (maybe 7:30?) but I was trapped. There was no way past them. I turned on the Keurig (if there was any hope of surviving coffee was a must) and hit “brew” when it started, slowly at first.  Mommy? Can I have a drink?

Ok, that was an easy one. Not a problem one orange juice coming up. The cup was not even on the counter when the ambush began

Mommy? Mommy?…I’m hungry. Mommy I want a drink. No mommy I want red juice! Where is my cup, mommy? MOOOMEEE I said I was hungry where is breakfast?! Mommy can I have a snack? Mommy I need water with ice. Mommy do we have cereal? Mommy I want syrup on my waffles. MommymommymommymommyMOOOOOMMMMMEEEEE!!!

The words were coming at me at a lighting speed. I tried to dodge them but it was useless. Finally I knew there was no choice WHAT??!!  I screamed calmly stated. To which the twins responded Mom…could you be quiet daddy is sleeping.

The barrage of mommymommymommy went on for the next 12 hours, 10 minutes and 15 seconds. Sure there were breaks when the twins were at swim class or the 2 little ones were outside. Moments when there was 1 kid and not 4 yelling MOMMY!! Overall though, there was ALWAYS 1 kid yelling or whining it the ENTIRE DAY.

The kids didnt even care how I answered them. My responses varied from calm or sarcastic to pretending I didn’t hear them or  pretending I had left (ie: Mommy? She’s not here now, please leave a message). Nothing mattered,  mommy..mommy…mommy still continued.

Even J, who for years was not able to say the word mommy, took part with his own version of mommy, moniJ alone must have said moni?  probably 3000 times today. I know I should have just been grateful that J was finally able to communicate and say my name. After the 2000th time though, hearing moni? was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. (I feel terrible for thinking that btw)

Finally the day is over. The kids are all sleeping (yipee!!) and I am enjoying my second a glass of wine. The house is so quiet you could almost hear a pin drop (aside from the gunfire coming from the other room as the husband watches a movie).  What a long day it was. I know, I know, stop whining and be thankful to have 4 healthy (and cute) kids who love me.  I am.  I love those kids with my all my heart. However, I cant stop thinking why the heck didnt they once call  Daddy???

Where did the time go?

Today is kindergarten registration for the twins. Where did that time go???! It can’t be time for them to start “big boy school”. It feels like yesterday (well sort of) that I was crying, begging the nurse not to discharge me from the hospital with 2 babies! I feel like I was just in Babies R Us attempting to solve the great bottle mystery or asking all my friends which solid food to start them with (greens or fruits?). 

When I was filling out the many forms (2x) last night all I could think about (besides where did we put their birth certificates?  and don’t forget a utility bill) was M taking his first steps, J trying to crawl or their first wagon ride around our complex.

Luckily we still have some time before we have to wait for the bus to come (and I cry when it pulls away). My men are growing up but they will always be my babies 🙂

You’re not my Mommy ANYMORE!

Lego Battles: Ninjago

Image via Wikipedia

It started off as any other Wednesday morning in the House of Chaos. L greeted me in the shower at 5:45 asking for a bottle and M soon followed telling me he wanted to watch tv (how I could help him while in the shower I havent figured out yet).

After getting ready I went into the kitchen to warm up the Keurig, make lunch, take the dog out, feed the dog, etc. when J announced that he was hungry. I told him to give me a couple of minutes to get organized and then I would give him his cereal (sans milk). He whined a bit but got interested in Nick Jr.

Fast forward to me getting ready to leave for work. I go into the living room to say my good-byes and get kisses when I hear the twins talking about show-and-tell today (yikes, why do I ALWAYS forget show-and-tell). J lets me know he is bringing in a car (as always) and M tells me he is bringing in the “Kill Zone 3” guidebook he got from daddy – Houston we have a problem!

“Kill Zone 3” is some game my husband plays (I couldn’t tell you what game system it is on) that is pretty much about these robot looking men killing one another with various weapons (ie: an ice saw) and driving tanks. NOT the type of book that would be welcomed at a pre-k run by a church.

I tell M the book isn’t a good idea because it will scare the girls. He tells me he doesn’t care. Ok, it is now after 7:30 and I am going to be late for work. I suggested other things (Legos, Transformers, cars) and none were to his liking. He was bringing in that book.

 NO! I finally said. Well with that his lip came out and started quivering and he yelled You are NOT my Mommy ANYMORE!! and went to cry in the corner next to the couch.


I know M didn’t mean what he, heck he probably didn’t even understand what it really meant but it still hurt. M is my first-born twin, my little bugman how could he tell ME such a thing? I am his mommy, the one who takes care of bad dreams, finds Bear before bed, buys him the sprinkle cookies from the food store and reads to him about Lego Ninjago. It wasnt that long ago he told me I was the Best Mommy Ever.

The words echoed in my head the entire ride into work. When I got to my desk I immediately called home to see how M was. Was he still crying? Did he feel guilty? My aunt (the babysitter) told me M was now bringing in either a gun he crafted out of bristle blocks or his Ninjago book and was happily eating a waffle and watching tv. And just like that it was over.

I am sure M will have worse things to say to me as the years go by,  but for now I am happy just being the greatest mommy ever.

ps – M brought in his Captain America figure with shield.

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