trying to find myself and humor in life

Archive for the tag “pride”

Daily Prompt: Pat on the Back

Happy Hump Day!!

The weather today in the lovely Garden State is horrendous with heavy rains and just an overall blah feel. However, on a more positive note, my hair is not frizzing so maybe the day isn’t a total washout (all puns intended).

Anyway let’s Daily Prompt shall we?

Tell someone you’re proud of just how proud you are

Hmmmmm…..who am I proud of?

There are so many people, how can I just name 1?

My aunt for kicking cancer. My mom for being my “nanny” and always helping me with the kids. My friend Mrs. Jeter for publishing her first book (a real, honest to goodness book that is made of paper and not on an electronic device)???

Matt, my love-bug, for giving his little brother his “magic” stuffed animal when he was having a nightmare?

Jake ,my Buddha Baby, who has worked SO hard to overcome a lot of his struggles with ASD?

While those are all good choices, and I am truly proud of all of them, the person I am most proud of today is (drum roll)


Today my boss brought in a box of gigantic donuts – well there were only 3 donuts but they were in a box.

There was one donut that had chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles on top and I swear it was calling my name. At first I ignored its taunts, no way I was giving in to the temptation, especially since no one else in my group was eating one (peer pressure is alive and well even when you are 40-ish).

Nope, I stayed at my desk and ate a banana because a banana is just as good as a chocolate frosted donut (not).

A little while later my co-worker Bob stopped by when I told him about the donuts, he practically twisted my arm to go take a look.

Bob and I stood in awe at the beauty of the donuts and questioned whether we should eat one. After a full 5 or 10 seconds, we finally decided to split half of a half of the chocolate frosted one.

I walked back to my cube covered in a cloak of guilt, carrying my pathetic little quarter of a donut on a napkin. Slowly I lifted the donut up to my mouth and took and a bite and felt….totally disappointed.

The chocolate was not gooey and thick, instead it was dry and flaked right off WITH the sprinkles. What a rip off!

Disgusted, at myself and the donut, I threw the remainder of the donut in the trash.

And for that my blogger friends, I am 100% proud of myself (insert toothy grin)!

Thanks for reading ūüôā




Better luck next time?

I came into the office early so I could blog (shhhh don’t tell anyone) and here is it almost 8:30 and I have nada done. I don’t know what happens to the time from the moment I sit at my desk, I get distracted by the dumbest things.

Anyway,¬†on my ride in to work I was thinking of different things to blog about. There is the usual I hate my job/Monday blog or maybe¬†my drunk texting episode on Saturday¬†(sorry to everyone who was a victim).¬†Mary J. Blige was playing on a repeat loop (and at high volume) and then it hit me –¬†I have already abandoned my New Year’s resolutions.

Last week I was preaching about how I was going to stop all the unnecessary drama in my life and write everyday and here we are at day 7 and I have slacked. I have not written anything (unless you count a grocery list) and I am DEEP in some drama (of my own doing). WTF??!!

What is wrong with me? Sure, I can say that I haven’t written because it’s hard to get on the computer with the kids or that I was busy but how true are those? Yes, I was busy but I could have spared 10 minutes to write – rather than¬†say play Bejeweled¬†on my IPhone¬†or dwell on my drama. Now I am disappointed in myself.

I think my problem with the writing is that I am just scared. I feel like I have to always be witty or come up with some story that people will like. There are some days the blogs¬†just “come to me” and I¬†in ten minutes¬†I have something done and published.¬†

On those days it is like¬†the words just take over and I don’t really have to think (if that makes any sense). On other days,¬†I just sit and stare at a blank WordPress screen and¬†think I am a joke, who was I kidding to think I could
write. Writers are smart and have stories to tell, they are not working moms in the middle of a mid-life crisis.

Recently, I “met” the writer Jane Suter¬†(technically we emailed) who offered me this¬†wonderful advise¬† Write everyday. Hone your skills. Oh, and write for yourself. What I mean by this is, find your own, unique, voice and let it sing. Don’t try to please everybody — you are a gift!

This sounds easy but it is SO not. How can I possible write for myself of all people? I am the most critical human being on the planet.  I find fault with EVERYTHING I do and/or say on a daily basis and I am supposed to write for me? 

I understand the concept and can appreciate it, but still, I don’t know if I am up for the challenge. I keep telling myself¬† suck it up, you can do it¬†and then I get scared and make an excuse. I¬†watch tv, play on the phone or¬†go to bed early rather than¬†face my fears head on. I am not proud of this behavior,¬†this is not the example I want to set¬†for my kids but how can you take 40 years of one behavior and turn it all around?

As for the drama, I am addicted. I never understood addiction, how someone could be so dependent on a thing? Then i experienced some drama and it was amazing. It felt good, it was a high and I liked it.

Finally, something just for me and boy was it great!¬†The trouble is, after you come down off the high you feel like crap and beat yourself up. Maybe you play Mary J. Blige on a repeat loop or eat chocolate but those are just band-aids that cover the problems, they¬†don’t solve them.

So where does this leave me now? Should I just forget the resolutions, ignore them and move on?¬†That would definitely be the easy way out. But if I really do that, make up a bunch of excuses,¬†convince myself it’s the right thing to do then what?

No, I am not going to give up, not this¬†soon. I am gonna take a deep breath and start over. It is baby steps after all. I can’t guarantee that I will squash the drama or write a fabulous blog¬†or essay today but I will at least try. I am doing this for me, to make myself proud and for no one else. In the end, I am who matters right?

Ready..set..go (fingers crossed).

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