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Crash & Burn

Mommy and the Soon-to-be Unhappy Birthday Boys

Mommy and the Soon-to-be Unhappy Birthday Boys

Tomorrow (Thursday if I don’t post this today) is the twins’ 7th birthday.

Surprisingly, I am not too overly emotional about this birthday of theirs. I guess J turning 5 and the recent graduations drained me of emotion (lol).

Regardless, I still remember the day they were born like it was yesterday. The excitement, nerves, fear, panic, joy, happiness and nauseousness (thank you magnesium sulfate drip) will forever be ingrained in my memory.

Even now I can still hear the doctors say Baby A is a BOY….Baby B is a BOY and me thinking ummm, NO Baby B is supposed  to be a girl, what am I going to do with TWO BOYS??!!

OMG this will be SO fun! The boys will love this, I can’t wait to tell them all about it. No, better yet, I will keep it a secret!! I told myself as I hit “purchase” online.

Go me…go me…I am the best mom ever!

Fast forward to last night around 8:15pm. M&J are tired and annoyed that I made them take a bath – BAD MOMMY making them take a bath after being at camp all day in 90+ degree weather.

In between whining, M asked me how many more days until his birthday. This is it, I thought. I will tell them now about the baseball game. God, they are going to love me….

Me: M&J? M? J? M&J!

M&J: What, what do you want Mommy?

Me: So guess what? I have a surprise for your birthday on Thursday. Do you wanna know what it is??

M: Is it the Jabba the Hut Lego set I saw in Target with Terri? Is it? Mommy…if I don’t get that for my birthday it will be the worst birthday ever!

Me: (looking completely dumbstruck) What are you talking about…what Jabba Lego? No, I don’t know if anyone got you that. Do you want to know where me and Daddy are going to take you Thursday after camp?

J: OK, what?


M&J: (looking at me with complete and total blank stares)

Me: J…J….J! Aren’t you excited?

J: Huh? What? What kind of baseball game? Is it outside?

Me: What? of course it’s outside.

J: I don’t know.

Me: Ok…M? What do you think? Won’t the game be fun?

M: Are L&J coming with us?

Me: NO, they are staying with Terri. Just you and J and me and Daddy!

M: I don’t know Mom, can I think about it at camp and let you know?

Me: What did you just say?? You don’t want to go to a baseball game??! Why?

M: Moooommmmmm, I said I don’t know. I have to think about it! Besides, you said it was a surprise and how can it be a surprise if you told us before our birthday.

Me: (with tone) Fine…be that way. Me and Daddy will just go alone (how this was a threat is beyond me since I don’t even like baseball)

M: Mom? Mommy? Don’t be mad…I’m sorry I just don’t want to go but it is MY birthday. Can’t we go out to dinner and get fried shrimp?

Me: What? We were at a seafood restaurant Sunday and you said you didn’t want shrimp. Now you tell me you would rather go eat shrimp than go to a baseball game??!!

M: Yes….are you mad? Don’t be mad mom, it’s not your fault I don’t want to go. Hey, I don’t want to wear that shirt to camp tomorrow, can I pick out another one?

And that was it. The BIG surprise I had planned was a complete and utter disaster and I was crushed.

It wasn’t the money, I could care less about that (besides, it was only $30). It’s that I thought the boys would be SO excited and they almost looked sick when I told them. How could I have gotten it so wrong?

Weren’t these the same kids I carried for 38 weeks?

As of now, the husband and I both plan on taking the kids to the game tomorrow night. I even called the stadium to see if the announcer would announce their birthday over the loudspeakers at the game.

I thought we could take them to dinner first before the game. Then maybe, just maybe,  they will have fun. I guess this won’t be their best birthday ever, but hopefully it won’t land them in therapy either (lol).

Wish me luck!! I will keep you posted on the outcome.

Thanks for reading.


I am THE MEANEST mommy ever

This has been a crazy week at Casa Chaos with me going back to work and the kids settling into another new routine. I thought we were all adapting and told myself by next week it should be good – well as good as it can ever be with 4 young boys.

I will admit that I may not always be the most patient mother, especially in the mornings before (and during) coffee, but my children (2 in particular) could really test the patience of a saint at times.

Whenever I tell someone  I have 4 boys, within seconds this response follows

“4 boys really?? You going to try for the girl?? oh….well… you are lucky boys are SO much easier than girls.”

I laugh and change the subject thinking about how nuts my house is 24/7.

Lately my “older” twin M has been a little moody. Not sure if it is the terrible 6s, a mid-life crisis or maybe his room isn’t zen enough. Ever since the womb, M has been either hot or cold.  There is no in between with him.

One minute he will tell me he loves me SOOO much and the next he’ll tell us he wants to live alone.

I remember the first time M yelled I hate you!!! It was like a kick to the stomach.

How could my M, my little Bugman, say such a thing to me HIS OWN MOTHER???!!!! I carried him AND his brother for 37 1/2 weeks and gained 80 pounds! I have done everything for him and he has the nerve to hate me?????

I remember telling Mrs. Jeter and she laughed and said her son tells her that all the time. Other friends told me the same thing and after a while I got over the hurt.

Now M says it to me almost daily so the words don’t sting or even phase me – mostly. Once in a while it gets to me and instead of ignoring it,  I  tell him to go find a new mommy. I have even offered to help him pick one out from the
“New Mommy Catalog.”

A week or so ago, M and I were arguing over something “important” (probably chicken nuggets or juice) when he got really upset and yelled YOU ARE THE MEANEST MOMMY EVER!!!!

Gasp – say what????!!

I can’t remember what set M off that day but I gave him some time to cool off. I didn’t bother him or try to talk to him until he had calmed down. A little while later he came over, sniffling and wiping tears, and told me he was sorry and he loved me and I was the best mommy.

So sweet right??

Well since then M has told me at least 5 or so more times that I am a “mean mommy” so I thought I would make a list of all the mean things I do and share it with my friends in blogosphere.

In no particular order, here are M’s reasons why I am THE meanest Mommy ever:

1) I always make him take a shower/bath when he is playing Legos

2) All I ever make is chicken and chicken is dumb

3) He is never allowed to have soda and Mommy and Daddy drink it and it’s just NOT FAIR

4) I refused to buy him the $400 Death Star Lego and some other random $50 Star Wars ship at a recent trip to Target

5) How dare I pick him up from after care and not bring snacks with me

6) When M is in time out, I don’t  allow him to have a cookie or watch tv

7) I always make him get dressed for school when he is watching tvf

8) We never have any good snacks, he is sick and tired of Cheez Its, Goldfish, cookies and crackers they are SO BORING

9) M wants to live alone because our house is too loud and messy

10) OMG how could I not have jean shorts for him to wear to school today???!

This list is just from the past week or so, and as you can see, I am THE meanest mom alive! Poor M, he has no idea what he is in for in the years to come (lol).

Enjoy your Thursday!!

ps – This list is just from the past 2 weeks, I am sure I will update it soon 🙂

Derek & the Rainbow Sock Monkey

Derek the Bear

For those of you who don’t know,  I have twin boys who started kindergarten this past September. It was a big step for all of us and I am happy to report that me we have adapted rather well.

I am lucky that the twins don’t come home with a lot of homework – that was a HUGE concern/dread of mine. I just could not fathom coming home from work, making dinner and then dealing with homework (I know….I will have to deal at some point).

So imagine my surprise when M brought home Derek (the Yankee baseball bear) a couple of weeks ago for the weekend. M ran off the bus yelling Mommy, Mommy I FINALLY got to take Derek home!!

He was SO excited as he pulled Derek from his backpack (Derek’s not M’s) and shoved him in my face in the middle of the driveway. MOM, hug Derek! Don’t you love him?

Ummm, yeah sure, Derek is great I said trying to steer M and J toward the van. Mom, Mom, Mommy, I can’t wait to let Derek meet Bear and I am gonna bring him all over and …..

M was cut off by the arrival of J’s school bus, L screaming he wanted to watch George (Curious George) and J telling me he was thirsty.

When we got home, M threw Derek’s backpack at me and ran upstairs with his brothers to formally introduce Derek to Bear. Oh, they are SO cute, I thought to myself as I started reading through the papers Derek came home with.

Derek came with a welcome letter and a journal. Oh, teachers today are so creative I said out loud to myself. I started flipping through the journal and then I realized what the journal was for.

Holy crap!! WE (i.e. me) have to write about Derek’s adventures with us in the freakin’ journal!

As I flipped through the journal I was overwhelmed by the many photos (actual printed photos) of M’s classmates holding Derek at baseball games, the mall, dance class etc and the written summary of Derek’s stay with each kid.

Oh dear God, can this woman be serious? We have to summarize Derek’s weekend with us?!! Isnt that just super!!

I text Mrs. Jeter to vent. She laughed and told me to have fun with Derek and let her know how the weekend went. Ugh.

M was bored with Derek by dinnertime on Friday so needless to say, Derek didn’t go too many places other than the kids’ bedroom and the living room. Whatever, it’s a stuffed bear, I am sure he won’t mind I thought.

Sunday night was a blur of food shopping, fighting and baths and before I realized it, M was sleeping and Derek’s journal was empty. Crap!!

Monday morning I sat down with M and patiently reminded him that we needed to write in Derek’s journal so it could go back to school that afternoon. Oh, ok but I am watching Power Rangers now was the response I got.

Ok, well after Power Rangers we HAVE to write in the journal I sternly said to M as I poured myself another cup of coffee.

Well Power Rangers turned into some other dumb show and before long it was 11am and still no journal entry. M-J-L (that’s me screaming M’s first, middle and last name) get in here NOW and write about Derek!

M responded with the following tirade:

I dont wanna write in the stupid journal…I wanna play with my Legos! I don’t have a pencil Mom! You never took a picture with me and Derek Mommy now what? This is dumb, I don’t want to do this. J leave me alone, Mooooom tell J and L to get out of the kitchen and leave me alone – Mommy? Mommy!

OMG why is your father NEVER around for any of this stuff I said under my breath as I dug through the cabinet for a pencil (that was sharpened) and pushed the other kids out of the kitchen. Be Calm I told myself and it will be fine.

I have blocked out the majority of the journal writing exercise, it was just better for my sanity. However, I will try to piece together some of M and my exchange for you

me: Come on M, what do you want to write about Derek’s weekend?

M: I dont know…can I have a drink?

me: You can have a drink when we are done. Come on, we have to get this done. What did you and Derek do this weekend?

M: Ummmm he slept in my bunk bed with me?

me: Good, that’s good let’s write it.

M: Ok, how do you spell Derek?

me: D-e-r-e….M what are you doing? M, pay attention.

M: I don’t know how to make a “d”.

me: Yes you do, now come on, write out D-e-r-e-k and then leave a space and write s-l-e-p-t

M: what do you mean leave a space? What’s a space? I’m hungry, can I have a snack??

And that my friends was how the remainder of the morning went. Somehow by the grace of God, M completed his journal entry, drew 2 pictures of him and Derek and managed to get Derek safely back to his classroom.

Phew!!! THANK GOD that’s over! I told Mrs. Jeter in a text. Oh, you just wait she responded. It gets SOOOO much better!

Mrs. Jeter does not lie. In the weeks since Derek’s visit we have had to decorate Family Fun Turkeys and make some other crafty-type thing (I HATE crafts).

Thinking turkeys and fall crafts were behind us, I mentally prepared for the long holiday weekend last Wednesday afternoon as I waited for the twins’ bus.

The bus pulled up, I waved to the driver with the yellow glove and the twins came running at me.

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy look! J yelled. What, what is it? I asked

MOMMY look… I got to bring home Rainbow Sock Monkey for the long weekend!!

Sure enough there was J holding a little Rainbow Sock Monkey and a red bag which contained Sock Monkey’s journal. O-M-G it was gonna be a loooooong weekend!

I will survive – right?

You Can Do It Lake Huron Beach Oscoda Trip 9-2...

You Can Do It Lake Huron Beach Oscoda Trip 9-25-09 16 (Photo credit: stevendepolo)

Here it is after 9pm, on a school night (literally) and I am sitting here with my stomach in knots. There are a million other things I could, or should, be doing but instead I am staring at the computer and picking at my cuticles (and singing Gloria Gaynor to myself).

Why have I made myself a mental case you may ask? Promise not to laugh? Well tomorrow is a big day here. The twins start kindergarten AND take the bus to school. J starts 4yo pre-k in a new ASD classroom with a new teacher AND L has a “playground get together” AND a “classroom open house” for his pre-k class (which also means I have to meet a bunch of new moms too).

Ugh!!! It’s just too much!!

Ok, ok I know the kids will all be fine. I know it will take a little adjustment and before long this new routine will seem like old hat but, for now, it’s making me a wreck.

I decided to separate the twins for kindergarten and this is the first time in their entire lives that they will not have each other to lean on all day (technically it’s 2.5 hours but still). They will have to rely on themselves to make friends and find their way and this scares the crap out of me!!

What if I didn’t teach them all the right things? What if they get picked on? What will happen if J gets hurt or can’t find his way back to the bus? What will happen if M tries to talk to someone and they ignore him? Suppose one of their “bus buddies” is mean?

These are the things that are going through my mind and this is just with the twins. Don’t even get me started on J and L.

J’s school has decided that he is “ready” for a more structured classroom setting complete with more kids, a new room AND a new teacher. Seriously?

When I mentioned how this will be a big adjustment for him, since he has only known 1 classroom for the past 15 months, the staff told me “change is good for J” and “he can’t be too set in a routine” and “after all, he will LOVE this”

Really?! How do we know? It’s not like we can just ask him Hey J, do you want to be in a class with 10 kids and sit in rows and do lessons? Would you love that? 

He is 4 and a boy and has autism. Enough said.

L’s situation tomorrow really won’t be that bad. It’s more me I am worried about. I HATE meeting new moms on the playground. It makes me feel like I am 15, standing in the cafeteria looking for a seat (although I had the same seat at the same table in high school all 4 years).

The Playground Moms will all be younger, prettier and definitely thinner than me. Their kids will be well-behaved and greet the teacher with a hardy Good Morning upon entering the playground.

I, however, will be praying that L does NOT hit anyone or throw a tantrum while simultaneously thinking I should have worn another pair of pants because I look fat. 

I tried to share my feeling with the husband and my mom today. Neither made me feel any better. Mom asked me when I would have “time to socialize” with the other moms and the husband couldn’t remember what kids were actually starting school, let alone what time the buses would come.

I know, I know, I am being totally dramatic (aren’t I supposed to cut out the drama in my life??) and making tomorrow into a bigger deal than it is.

The twins are going to be fine. Just like they were fine at orientation and summer camp and pre-k. J will adjust to school just like he did last year and L, well… let’s just keep our fingers crossed that L is in a good mood tomorrow.

As for me, I have no idea if I will ever be “fine.” For now I can just hope for the best and believe that 1) I will survive the meeting of the moms – heck, maybe I will even make a “mom-friend” and 2) I will survive the twins getting on the bus (without me) and leaving to start a their new adventure in kindergarten (without me).

All I can really do is just have faith in what I have tried to teach them these past 6 years and hope that they were able to retain at least a little bit.

Tomorrow will be stressful, nerve-wracking and exciting. I will do my best to get through it with a smile (at least in front of the kids) and take lots of pictures.

Wish me luck!

Rejected by “the mommies” and I lived to tell

English: Logo of the band Rejected Español: Lo...

Image via Wikipedia

The weeks after the birth of a child, especially your first can be very lonely. When you first come home from the hospital there is constant stream of company. Everyone wants to help you and the baby and gifts and meals appear on your counter. As the weeks go by the company starts to dwindle, the husband and your mom go back to work and the only gifts you get are bills from the hospital.  Now it it’s just you and the baby – yikes!!

This was my life in June 2006 except I had 2 babies. I felt so alone. My work friends were busy with work and didn’t have time to listen to my funny baby stories. Friends who already had kids didn’t care if I was up all night, since they were up too, and they had their own kid(s) to deal with. The husband didn’t care whether M pooped or J had gas, he was at work. Ugh, never did my house feel so small (relatively speaking).

Then I remembered a nurse talking to me when I was being discharged from the hospital. She happened to live in my town and told me I should join her mommy group. It’s great she said, they will even make you a casserole. I was hesitant, not being much of a joiner, but desperation won out so I made the call to the mommy president.

I remember being so nervous when the answering machine picked up. Do I leave a message? What do I say? Suppose she doesn’t like me? ran through my head.

I waited days for a call back. It was worse than dating since mommies don’t have to follow the 3-day rule. Finally the mommy president called.  Her name was V and she was as nice as nice could be.  V told me how CUTE it was that I had twins. She asked if they were sleeping through the night (they were maybe 7 weeks at this point) and where I lived in town? This is great,  I thought, I’m in!

Not.  Do you work? she asked. Why yes! I went on and on about being on maternity leave and how my aunt was going to watch the twins when I went back to work in the fall. Her response (insert passive aggressive tone) Ohhhhh….our members don’t work.

Surely she was joking. It was 2006 was I the only person who had to pay for medical benefits?? Sensing my disappointment she told me I was more than welcome to take part in activities until I went back to work.  It was too late, they rejected me.  I was a new mom with 2 babies, 60lbs overweight rejected by “the mommies”.

Why don’t you join a twin mom club? my ob-gyn told me after hearing of my rejection at my post-baby appointment. Twins mom huh? That sounds easy enough. I emailed the membership coordinator when I got home and made arrangements to attend then next meeting.

Big mistake. The twins moms were like a sorority high on caffeine. They greeted me with forms to fill out and an explanation of the yearly dues (dues really?). I was also told about all the benefits of membership, the pizza dough fundraiser and mandatory snack duty. What?! I was 34 years old and looking for women to laugh and complain with. Maybe someone to enjoy a drink with (and not the kind that came in a box). Selling pizza dough was not exactly what I had in mind.

Time went on and me and the boys spent our “free” time strolling the aisles of Target or power walking at the park. Fall came and back to work I went. Working full-time and trying to raise twins left me little time to think about joining a club, unless of course, it was a sleep club.

Well that was 6 years ago and I am happy to report that I am just fine (again relatively speaking). In the years since I have made many mommy acquaintances and even a few mommy friends. Heck, I even joined a book club where we “discuss” a book for 10 minutes and then laugh and complain and drink lots of wine – it’s great!

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