trying to find myself and humor in life

Archive for the tag “writers block”

Daily Prompt: The Stat Connection

Ugh WordPress what are you doing to me today?? We were on a roll with the Daily Prompts and then today you throw this one at me:

Daily Prompt: Go to your Stats page and check your top 3-5 posts. Why do you think they’ve been successful? Find the connection between them, and write about it.

Here it goes, my top 3 posts:

  1. Happy Endings
  2. Say My Name
  3. Throw Back Post….circa 2013 

I have had my blog since 2012 (yikes!). The first 2 years I was blogging almost everyday, then I got writer’s block and I just stopped.

Sure, every once in a while I would post a random blog but they were never like they used to be.

Back in 2012, the ideas used to just pop in my head and the words would just flow. There wasn’t any stress or thought, the words were just there as my fingers typed away and before I knew it, the blog was done.

Once the writer’s block kicked in, I began to think too much about what I was going to blog about and worried about what people would think.

I wasn’t writing for me anyone, I was trying to attract an audience and make people want to read me. I wanted to be Freshly Pressed damn it!

Never a good idea.

My blog has never received a lot of traffic or won any blogging awards. No, it was just me and my musings and my little group of loyal followers.

Every now and then people will ask me why I don’t blog anymore and I have no good answer for them except that I miss it.

I really miss it. When I was blogging it made me happy and it was a release for me.

Well here I am VERY slowing putting my toe in the blogging waters to test them out and see if I am ready to jump in.

It’s a little scary but so far so good.

Thanks for reading 🙂





I missed you

I have had a LOT of free time on my hands lately. Work is VERY slow and it is amazing the things that I can come up with to a) look busy and b) kill time.

I read all there is to know about Miley and twerking, Amanda Bynes, the new fall lineup and that Breaking Bad’s finale broke a bunch of records viewership wise.

I have shopped browsed my favorite retail sites, discovered some new blogs and updated my Twitter and Tumblr accounts.

I had an epiphany over my  “need” for new booties (preferably in black) and that a pair of brown and/or burgundy boots would be a great addition to my fall wardrobe.

As I look back over these “accomplishments” I am a little embarrassed. Surely there were better ways to spend my free time. 

Current events to brush-up on (Obamacare, Syria, Government Shut down), books to read or online classes to better myself.

Nope, I did not one of those things.

Friends asked Where is your blog? What happened? Are you not writing anymore?

My friend at work was bold enough to say (with tone) Ummm since you have so much time on your hands, why don’t you… I don’t know…WRITE?!

Gee, all those people must have a point, I thought. So a couple of times a week I would log into  WordPress and stare at the blank screen. Sometimes I got a few sentences or a paragraph or 2 and then inevitably I would stop.

Maybe I minimized the screen and told myself I’d “finish it up later” or I made an excuse to visit a co-worker across the hall. It didn’t matter, I could come up with a million excuses to NOT to write.

Last week I even made out a list of all the recent things that have happened to me with the boys, school starting, soccer and daycare. I surprised myself with the size of the list.

Heck…that’s enough blog topics for a month at least! I proudly told myself, right before getting up to visit my friend Nicole and check my Iphone.

Even Mrs. Jeter was concerned. Once in a while, ever so slightly, Jeter would casually ask me what was up with my blog or if I had read the Daily Prompt or Weekly Writing Challenge.

At lunch with my former secretary (she’s retired – LUCKY woman) last Monday, my blog came up. Nicole….what happened??! I used to catch up with you and your life by reading your blog. It was like the old days when we talked over the wall. You HAVE to go back! she pleaded over lettuce wraps at P.F. Changs.

Then today I had to write a letter. Specifically, a persuasive letter to “sell” a particular product. This product was not the most qualified, but it had a lot of potential and just needed a nudge to move it along.

For almost 2 hours I sat at my desk and concentrated on this letter. I didn’t get up to make small talk or check out the sale at The Gap. Rather I focused on the task at hand, and, after several revisions, I finished the letter.

Holy Crap! Did I really write that?? I thought as I gave it a final once over before emailing it off to the client. Damn, that was pretty good.

A little while later I realized something. For that little bit of time I was writing, even though it was just a letter, I was enjoying myself. I was able to use my brain and come up with a final product that didn’t suck!

I was able to get myself back into the “zone” when everything around me sort of moves out of focus, and I just type. The words and thoughts are on the page without me realizing it and before I know it the blog is done. Those are my favorite times and some of my favorite blogs.

I miss blogging. I have been lying to myself all these weeks. Telling myself I don’t “write” I blog. What’s the big deal it’s just some stupid blog where I babble on for 1000 or so words. Meh.

Sure, it’s not rocket science and maybe my topics are not serious life and death things but really…who cares.

I do it for me. It is to help me find the humor in life and to help me see things from a different perspective. It is a way for me to “escape my reality” even for just a little while.

I would like to scream from my cubicle that I AM BACK but let’s be honest, it’s a Thursday afternoon.

This weekend I have to change the kids’ clothes around from summer to fall. There are bathrooms that need to be cleaned, soccer and a birthday party (note to self: buy gift).

Who knows, maybe I will find some time to write a blog or maybe I will start fresh on Monday. Either way, at least I know I can do it and more importantly, that I want to do it.

I think I feel a Random Monday Thoughts forming in my head now…..

Have a good weekend and thanks for reading 🙂

Random thoughts on a Monday morning

Happy Monday everyone, don’t you just LOVE a Monday morning?? LOL!!

It is raining here in the beautiful Garden State, it is actually supposed to rain the next couple days,  so that makes this Monday all the more merry. The weather should not surprise me since I spent 2 hours yesterday doing the semi-annual (and dreaded) “clothes switch”.

Last night I was texting with my mom when she, passively aggressively, mentioned that I have not been blogging regularly. My first thought was Ummmm…no kidding but somehow I didn’t think she would appreciate that response. I toyed with ignoring her comment but what fun would that be. No, instead I came up with this witty lame response I’m in a slump with the blog. I don’t know why. Eloquent right?

Mom, being Mom, wouldn’t drop it and came back with …just write like you used to no? no funny stories?…

Ugh, that totally annoyed me. What, did Mom think funny stories just “POP” into my head randomly? Is my life SO humorous that blogs detailing the adventures at Casa Chaos are in abundance???

Moms words stuck in my head long after the texting conversation ended. Of course she was right, I have made excuses for months about my lack of daily posts. Truth is I started over-analyzing my blog ideas.

I became WAY too obsessed with stats and “likes” and comparing myself to other bloggers in WordPress and Tumblr (yes, I strayed from WordPress but shhhh don’t tell). I forgot that we are all just one, big blogging family, and instead turned it into a competition that I knew I would NEVER win.

Anyway, I guess the pity party has gone on way too long and now it’s time to kick out the last guest (me), clean up the mess and move on.

Driving into work today, my mind was a blur. I was belting out Pink songs (LOVING the new duet with the guy from Fun), trying to sort out all the random blog ideas in my head.

While sitting in traffic on George-Davison Road (damn school buses), a thought occurred to me. Hey, instead of picking just one “thing” to blog about today, why not just post about a couple random things????

So friends in the great blogosphere, I bring you “Random Thoughts on a Monday Morning”

1) Shopping with almost 7yo boys is an experience.
This should not have surprised me but yet I had high hopes for taking the twins shopping. It’s not their fault, their attention span is just nill. One minute they are looking a t-shirts and the next they are hiding under rounders.

I would pick out cute shirts and plaid shorts just to be told  No thanks or Mooommmmy that is for girls.

Somehow I was able to get them to focus just long enough to get what we needed. Apparently, M is an impulse shopper because as we were headed to the check-out he talked me into this

Mr. Cool

Mr. Cool

2) I embarrass very easily:
On May 18, 2013 my family and I are participating in Children’s Specialized Hospital’s 7th Annual Walk & Roll to raise money for the hospital. We have been a part of the CSH family for the past 2 years and they have helped to make our journey with J a little easier.

So the point of a fundraiser is to obviously raise funds. Sounds easy enough right? Well it should be except I get totally embarrassed asking for sponsors. My face turns red just thinking about it.

I thought a good way to raise funds, and awareness, was to advertise the event at work. The marketing guy at my office was kind enough to make up some amazing posters that I hung in the kitchens and coffee stations.

However, as I was taping up the posters it hit me Holy Crap my face is blown up on the poster!!! OMG now co-workers would be forced to see my HUGE face as they get their morning coffee. Yikes.

I hid in my cube, mortified of my face, and prayed no one would vandalize my posters – my friend N reminded me we work in a law firm not in a junior high school.

Well the posters have been up for 5 days and so far they are intact. I even had 2 people ask me how they can give. I am hoping by the end of the week I won’t even notice my huge head when I get coffee or water.

Here is the link for our page if you are interested in making a contribution (it’s tax-deductible!!)

3) Nothing beats a good book:
I love reading. I don’t really have a particular genre that I am fond of, really,  I like a good story. One that holds my attention and makes me temporarily forget my problems. A story that when it is over, makes me sad and wish it wasn’t done.

Last week I finished reading Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter and I LOVED it!! It was the story of an almost-love affair that begins on the Italian coast in 1962 …and is rekindled in Hollywood fifty years later.  Mr. Walter transported me to Italy and its beautiful coast and made me sad that I have not been able to experience the sights and sounds of Italy for myself.

I did not want this book to end and was sad when I had to say good-bye to Dee and Pasquale. I highly recommend it to anyone who is a sucker for a love affair.

4) Mrs. Jeter thinks I could write a novel (LOL):
Jeter and I were texting last night when she asked me if I would be interested in participating in National Novel Writing Month with her in November. At first, I thought she was kidding. Write a novel?! I am not a writer, I am a semi-novice blogger, what was Jeter thinking??

But Jeter was serious, said we could be each other’s moral support and that I would be good at it. Honestly, the thought of this both intrigues and terrifies me. Jeter and my blogging mentor CC are always telling me that yes, in fact I am a “writer” but I don’t know.

I thought I would run this idea past you guys and see what kind of feed back I get. Do you think I could write a short novel? If so, about what???

Thanks for letting me share these random thoughts with you today. Enjoy your Monday.

It’s the little things

Hello friends out there in the great and almighty blogosphere!! I am back from another blogging absence that was far too long.

I don’t know what happened. One day I was home with my herniated disk (and 3 pinched nerves) blogging about Snow Chairs and the next thing I know over a month has passed and I have written no blogs – gasp!!

Friends and family dropped hints and even offered up some blog topics but nothing worked.  It wasn’t really a writer’s block, more like lack of motivation.

I was home over 8 weeks on short-term disability and while my back was healing and I was feeling better, I just felt blah.

Maybe it was the tail end of winter or the kids being sick or just life in general. Who knows. Whatever it was it caused me to almost fear the blog. I would think of a topic or idea and completely over think it.

Thoughts like Is this funny? Would anyone like it? Maybe this topic is too boring or Suppose people laugh???? were consuming me.

Once I started comparing myself to other blogs and bloggers I knew it was time for me to take a mini vacation.

I reminded myself that I started this blog for myself, not to get followers and fame (not that I would mine either LOL). I decided I would not blog again until I felt ready.

Which brings me to today Monday, April 8, 2013. Today is my first day back at work since February 5th and I was more than a little nervous to come back.

I felt like I was starting at a new school, not coming back to the place I have worked since November 2000.

I tried not to be a total Debbie Downer this morning, even when the twins yelled at me that they were too tired to get dressed.

All morning my stomach was filled with butterflies that would not go away. I changed my outfit three times before finally giving up since the kids would be late for the bus.

In the van waiting for J’s bus, I started to think about some blog topics, hoping the “right one” would magically pop into my head.

J was not a happy camper today. J is my 4yo (almost 5) with autism spectrum disorder and he is very “routine driven.” For the last 2 weeks, J’s entire routine has been out of whack and today was his first day back at school.

J sat in the van writing out words on the back of a car seat instruction manual, quietly whining that he didn’t want to go to school or see his beloved teacher Miss Heidi.

I tried telling J that I understood and that Mommy didn’t want to go to work either (what? he was the only one there to listen to me complain) but J wasn’t buying any of it.

When the bus pulled up he took a deep breath and ran toward it (he wanted to beat his friend C to the door). I yelled Hey wait…give Mommy a kiss! but he didn’t hear me or didn’t care.

I watched as he buckled himself into the bus seat and chatted with my neighbor. Suddenly the bus doors opened and the driver called my name.

Startled I asked what was wrong Nothing…J wants to give you a kiss she said.

And with that my little boy appeared, tears in his eyes, and gave me a kiss before getting back in his seat and buckling himself in.

J and I got to spend a lot of “alone time” together the past couple weeks – a rarity since he shares me with 3 other brothers. Sometimes he gets lost in the craziness of our house and the demands of life.

When I got to work I was not in a good mood. Sure, I put on my “game face” as I greeted people who pretended they were SO happy to see me back in the office.

All morning I could not shake the image of J’s face when he left. Just thinking about it now makes me a little sad. I looked through the pics on my phone of some of the stuff J and I did the past couple weeks and decided (with the nudging help of Mrs. Jeter) to do a blog.

I don’t know if this is my best blog, or if it is interesting or thought-provoking. However, I do know that every once in a awhile I need to step back and appreciate what I have and smile at the little things.

Happy Monday – hope everyone has a good week.

Angry Birds bike helmet

Angry Birds bike helmet

Liberty Science Center

Liberty Science Center

Strike a pose

Strike a pose

Funky Blogger Girl

Ben & Jerry's

Ben & Jerry's (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been in a bit of a funk this week. Not sure why. The weather has been nice, the kids are healthy (knock on wood) and Nick (the missing contractor) stopped over briefly the other day (no, he still is not finished).

I tried my usual funk remedies, chocolate (check), red wine (big CHECK), chocolate covered jelly beans (double-check) and take-out (check). None of them worked.

I thought blogging would help clear my funk. But last night as I sat at the table with my laptop my mind was blank. Usually an idea will just pop into my head but last night I had NOTHING. O-M-G I have blogger’s block already??!! How can this be? Could I have already reached my blogging peak 40 posts in?!!!

I consoled myself with Ben & Jerry’s Frozen Greek Yogurt (I ignored the fat content telling myself it was greek yogurt after all) and caught up on Mad Men (ahhhhh Don Draper is SO dreamy).

Today I decided it was time to use the big guns to clear this funk. No more torturing myself reading “friends” happy Facebook posts or peppy tweets (why is it that EVERYONE is always happy when I am not). No, today I would take matters into my own hands – I would shop at lunchtime.

A new shirt, cardigan or even a cute pair of earrings can always get rid of a funk. YES! I should have thought of this sooner. At the stroke of noon I grabbed my keys and headed for the mall.

I walked into the mall with purpose, I was on a mission – a mission to buy me some happiness (on sale of course). I started off in White House Black Market. I looked through the sale racks and quickly found a couple tops to try on (I was avoiding pants, no need to depress myself further). Into the dressing room I went and out I came with NOTHING.

Ok, not a big deal it was just the first store. Next stop Anthropologie. I always find something I like at Anthro. I studied the racks in the back sale room, gathered my finds and headed to the dressing room. The excitement was building as I stood in line for a dressing room to open (apparently others were also feeling funky). Hmmm, how will I pick just one thing, I thought ssurely I will love everything!

Those thoughts were short-lived. Nothing was working. I toyed with buying an orange t-shirt, for the sake of buying something, but thought better of it at the end (thank god).

My need-to-end-my-funk shopping spree was a complete bust. Slowly I drove back to work thinking I should have bought a lip gloss at Lord & Taylor (mental note: lip gloss always brings happiness)

Mrs. Jeter told me to think of happy things like our movie outing tomorrow night (Hunger Games). Watching kids fight to the death should definitely wipe away any funk I have (Mrs. Jeter has also promised adult beverages afterwards). If that doesn’t work there is always Easter (baskets full of candy) and a long weekend. Ok, I am done babbling away. Thanks for listening I promise to be in better spirits next post.

ps – what are your funk remedies??

pps – I was greeted after work by all 4 kids wearing bike helmets in the tennis court, definitely got me to laugh


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