trying to find myself and humor in life

Lucky number 7 – Daily Prompt Seven Wonders

I am not a frequent participant in the Daily Prompt but today’s was a good one Seven Wonders.

Khalil Gibran once said that people will never understand one another unless language is reduced to seven words. What would your seven words be?

Wow, this was an easy one for a change. My words are (drum roll please)….

There is always something to laugh about

I use humor and/or sarcasm, who am i kidding it’s 99.9% sarcasm, as a defense mechanism. When life gives me lemons, it is just easier to make fun of myself or laugh about whatever the lemon dujour may be. It takes the pressure off and lightens the mood a bit.

Sometimes my humor is not always appreciated and sometimes people don’t always “get it” (shame on them!) but who cares right?

Life is not always fun and it is definitely not always easy. However, if you can find something to laugh about it just makes everything better for a little while at least.

Happy Almost Thursday!

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails

Happy Hump Day!!! Can you believe it is already Wednesday and halfway to the weekend??

Yesterday’s post was a little serious so I thought today I’d lighten it up a little. Sound good? Great!

For those of you who do not know me,  I am a mom to four boys, twins who are 9, a 7yo and my baby who is 5.

Families with 4 children are not the norm anymore so when people find out I have 4 kids AND that they’re all boys, it usually leads to a stunned look and/or a gasp.

Inevitably questions follow so today I thought I’d share and answer some of my favorite questions from the past 9 years  – please note these are in no specific order and I have been asked every single one of them

  • No I am not trying to start my own (insert sport) team
  • Why yes it is always “fun” at my house, you should stop over sometime without calling first
  • OMG yes I know how LUCKY I am to have four boys and not girls. After all, girls are SO much harder to raise than boys and I will be SO happy when they are teenagers
  • Yes, twins run in my family
  • Of course they are all best friends (see #2)
  • No actually they do not ALL play sports but we still love them anyway
  • Yes I know, my food bill will sky-rocket but for now it’s ok since they exist on Elios pizza, Eggo chocolate chip pancakes and chicken nuggets
  • No I am not trying for the girl – you know how old I am right?
  • Yes I am the “queen” of my household  and treated as such (again see #2)
  • Nope, I did not plan on having 4 children, I do not come from a large family and no, before having kids I didn’t really like kids
  • Yes, the blond one is mine and as a matter of fact, his dad DOES have blond hair
  • Yup they are all mine – would I voluntarily take 4 boys out if they were not related to me?
  • Hmmm, it’s hard to say if boys “run in my family” – they do now!
  • No, it’s NEVER quiet
  • Yes, there were (and still are) lots of hand me downs but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to buy something cute and girly
  • I don’t know if I really save a lot on clothes but I do get away with only buying 1 pair of sneakers for them
  • Yes, I know it is very sad that I was never blessed with a girl but I am sure God feels differently (this was said to me in the Carters outlet when the twins were 3 months old)
  • At this point it is hard to imagine any of them taking care of me in my old age but I guess I have a 1 in 4 chance
  • Nope, no drama in my house. I must have dreamed the episode this morning when I was told that I am no fun ever! or when the tears started because I said it was time to take a shower
  • Oh I know I will get to have my own “daughters” when the boys grow up and get married. You know how much women LOVE their mothers-in-law
  • Thank you but I am SOOOOO not managing it or “doing it”, really I am just faking it (wink wink)

Thanks for reading.

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This is what at least one of my boys looks like on any given day

Epic Mom Fail

My work sponsored a bus trip to the Philadelphia Zoo this past weekend for “Boo at the Zoo”. This is an annual event where kids can dress up in their Halloween costumes and trick or treat at various points in the zoo. There are some Halloween displays but mostly it is an excuse for kids to dress up and get multiple sugar highs throughout the day.

I knew Boo would be crowded but I had not anticipated the zoo feeling like Walmart on Black Friday. The insanity was made worse by the strollers AND wagons that accompanied pretty much EVERYONE at the zoo. At one point, after being assaulted by a Joovy sit and stand, the husband turned to me and said where we THIS BAD when we had a stroller?

After walking around for over 4 hours in 45 degree weather (technically it was probably 53 degrees out but it was cloudy and damp) it was finally time for us to all head back to the bus. The husband and I herded the boys and started the trek back to the entrance – only after stopping to see the polar bear for the 3rd time to see if he was finally awake.

It had now started to rain and this mom was D-O-N-E.

The kids stopped throwing leaves at each other long enough to board the bus. The end was near!! We were leaving the zoo!

Everyone found their seats when suddenly I was bombarded with Mom I have to go to the bathroom. Mom, can I get a snack? Mom, I’m hungry! Can I have a snack?

Ugh. I took my seat next to Lucas who was holding a bottle of water. Mommy? I’m thirsty can I have this? Sure, have at it. I said while trying to find my seat belt.

Then, as if in slow motion, I watched the water bottle hit the floor and water spilled all over  like a river.


Quickly, I asked someone if there were paper towels on the bus. They said no and handed me an unopened roll of 1-ply toilet paper.

There I was on my hands and knees trying to sop up the water (did I mention it was 1-ply?), darting in and out of rows anytime another passenger got on the bus.

Before long the mess was cleaned up and again I tried to sit down when I heard Mommy I have to go to the bathroom NOW.


The husband was sitting in the row behind me and I ask him to take Lucas to the bathroom at the back of the bus. What? Take him now? No way, he can wait until the bus starts moving.

Judging by the look on Lucas’ face I knew this was not an option so I grab his hand and nudged him toward the back of the bus. People were still boarding and others were getting drinks and snacks so this was no easy task.

As I stood wedged in the row with the soda cooler waitinf for a family of 5 to pass, one of the twins spotted me and asked Mom? Can I have a soda? 

I don’t care, do whatever you want. I responded just as someone turned to me with a look and said Are you alright?

Oh good, that wasn’t too embarrassing, now work people will think I am insane.

Me and Lucas make it to the bathroom and are crammed in there, me kneeling on the floor, when I remember he is wearing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume under his coat. Yikes! This means I’ll have to pull the whole thing down so he can pee.

O-M-G. Am I on Candid Camera?

After what feels like an hour, but in reality was only 10 minutes, the bus pulls away. The kids are settled, the husband is sleeping and I am left to sit and reflect on what a horrible mother I am.

This was supposed to be a fun trip to the zoo.  All week I had visions of the boys laughing and frolicking in the zoo. Smiling and getting along with each other while they trick or treated and excitedly pointed to the animals.

A beautiful family day filled with memories and photos that someday the boys would tell their kids about.

Grandma was SO FREAKING AWESOME, she took us to Boo at the Zoo back in 2015 and it was A-MAZING! She was the best mom and we were SO lucky!

Instead it was crowded and cold and I was grumpy. I spent the majority of the day counting heads to make I didn’t lose anyone while yelling at the younger 2 to stop fighting and hitting each other.

I wasted $40 on crap food because the zoo ran out of pretzels (yes, it really happened) and I didn’t let anyone ride the swan boats or pony rides (see above regarding $40 on crap food) and we never made it back to the play area like I promised Jake (secretly I am ok with this because it’s impossible to keep track of 4 boys in an obstacle course you climb with nets and a covered slide).

Crabby mom yelled and told them to stop when they threw rocks in the duck pond (they were encouraged to do this by 2 weird kids dressed up as Thor) and got annoyed when Jake kept lagging behind because he was obsessed with reading the map.

All night I replayed my epic failures and bathed myself in mommy guilt.

Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe I just need to accept that I will never be the “fun mom”. The happy-go-lucky-all-the-kids-want-to-hang-out-with-me-mom. The mom who always comes up with fun, Pinterest-worthy activities to do on rainy days or to celebrate some obscure holiday.

The mom who takes her kids to a water park or Great Adventure AND goes on all the rides (the exception being the lazy river). The mom who dresses up in a really spooky costume on Halloween (not  cat ears with whiskers drawn on with eyeliner).

No matter how hard I try, I will never be the mom who knows the most current songs on the radio or that brightly colored crew socks ARE back in style for boys.


I started this blog this morning and never got a chance to finish it. A little while ago, a friend told me about a young mom of 2 small kids who died last week and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The uncertainty of it all. How short life really is and how you really do need to live in the moment and enjoy the little things like Boo at the Zoo and Jake’s map obsession.

I could sit here for hours writing about my many mom faults, but why? How will that help me be a better mom?

In the end I guess all of us moms are the same. Living each day, doing our best to raise kids who are healthy, happy, and kind to others.

Some days will be really good and others not so much – like when you spend 2 hours doing 3rd grade common core math problems after dinner.

Hopefully we succeed and years from now we’ll be lucky enough to look back and laugh about all the things we thought were SO important.

Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading.

Thank heaven for little boys….

TGIF everyone out there in the great blogosphere!! It is FINALLY Friday after what has been a VERY looooooong week here in the Garden State.

Temps are dropping and it’s starting to feel like fall. Pumpkin lattes are out in abundance and almost every female in my office has pulled out their tights/riding boots uniform (a sure sign of fall).

I have had an enormous about of mommy guilt lately – I started to blog about it but in typical me fashion, it is still sitting in my “draft” folder.

Mommy guilt is a beast and can hit a non-suspecting mom at anytime without warning. Seriously, you can be strolling the aisles in Target debating which brand of cookies to buy when BAM! it hits

OMG why didn’t I let Matthew try out for the flag football tournament 2 weeks ago? Now his flag football career is ruined and it is all my fault!


Why do the boys not have their math facts down yet? If “we” don’t get better at them what will happen when Mrs. X starts teaching multiplication next month? 

*Please note not all my mommy guilt is superficial, I also have guilt over serious things but I will save that for another blog.

Anyway, work has been very slow lately which means Nikki has had a LOT of time on her hands – this is NEVER a good thing for me as too much time equals dwelling (yikes!).

I can’t remember what I was dwelling about late this morning, probably something trivial like is a trip to Starbucks worth losing my parking spot at work, when I got a text from my nanny (a/k/a my mom) telling me that my youngest needed to speak with me ASAP.

Mr. L has lost his iPod touch for the weekend so I assumed he wanted to explain how he deserves to play Minecraft for the next 3 days. Preparing for a tantrum I slowly dialed the phone…

Nanny: Lucas, mommy is on the phone.

Lucas: Mommy? Hi Mommy! C invited me to his birthday party AND it’s at a trampoline place!

Me: He did??!! That’s great???!!! You have been wanting to go there. Are you excited?

Lucas: Yes. He invited me and 2 girls. Maybe his brodders will come too. Ok bye…I love you!

Me: I love you too!

Lucas: I LOVE YOU!

awwwwww he melted my heart!! If only we could all be that young and innocent again.

Happy Friday and thanks for reading!


I was having lunch with someone the other day when we got to talking about kids’ Halloween costumes.  Since I have 4 boys, my family’s costumes usually lean toward a superhero or video game character. In years past we have been Super Mario, Spiderman, Blue Power Ranger, some guy with a bow from the Avengers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Leo and Raph) and The Creeper from Minecraft.

During the conversation my lunch mate made a comment about princesses and the movie Cinderella and how the fairy tale went against some of her feminist beliefs. I made a sarcastic comment about Prince Charming (shocking I know) before changing the subject but her comment stuck with me.

Cinderella is my FAVORITE Walt Disney “princess”. When I was little I loved the Prince Charming aspect – heck, I love that now and would not turn down Charming if he appeared at my doorstep in a fully loaded SUV.

However, the real reason I really loved Cindy was her dress. Seriously have you looked at it? It is the BEST princess dress. It’s got tulle, bows, ribbon AND a hoop skirt! What else could a princess ask for? She even managed to get a diamond tiara and an updo before she left for the ball. Cindy was styling!

Cinderella premiered on February 15, 1950 so yes, I can see how its themes are not feminist friendly. However, there were some good things that came out of that movie that we should appreciate and applaud.

  • Survival
    Cinderella was a survivor. She was a teenage orphan forced to live as a servant with her horrible stepmother and 3 stepsisters (also in their late teens or older) after her dad died. The dad clearly did not have a will or a good attorney since his only daughter was a servant in her own house but I guess everyone makes mistakes right?

    Anyway, Cinderella should have been a bitter and depressed person moping around and hating life. However, the girl was always smiling and singing and making the best of her situation. Teens today sulk for a week if they lose their iPhone or Wi-Fi connection and here’s Cindy trying to make the best of her situation. Cindy did what she needed to do even if that meant being nice to the evil people who made her to live in the attic and wear a ratty brown dress every day.

    Cinderella never lost hope that someday she would be able to escape her miserable life and essentially live happily ever after.

  • Confidence
    Cindy went to that ball all alone, think about that. She walked into a packed ballroom and did not know a single person. Could you do that?

    When I was 23 I went to a co-worker’s wedding alone and let me tell you, it is no easy feat, especially before the alcohol kicks in! Everywhere you turn there are people in groups laughing and talking and there you are all alone trying to find somewhere to sit or lean.

    Cindy didn’t even have an iPhone that she could pretend to check. Nope, she had to go into that ballroom with her head held high and own that room! Plus, when the Prince was chasing after her (as the clock was striking midnight) she just left him on the steps (see even then this girl played by The Rules)!

  • Sense of style
    When Cindy first heard about the ball, she and her friends gathered anything materials they could find to help her make the perfect dress – very similar to Molly Ringwald’s character Andy in the movie “Pretty in Pink.” The result was a beautiful dress that would have blown up Instagram.  Plus she could run in 3-in glass heels which is amazing in and of itself!

I know that you cannot live your life waiting for a fairy-tale because real life problems can’t be solved with a glass slipper. But every once in a while wouldn’t it be nice if they did exist?

Thanks for reading and have a Happy Hump Day!

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My new love

I have been in love with George Clooney forever; I can’t even remember when our love affair began. I have stood by him through bad movies, fights with tabloids and the endless parade of young wannabe starlets that graced his arm, however, I will not forgive him for Stacy Keibler – seriously George she was a wrestler.

Friends would always make comments to me about his sexual orientation but my love for George was true. I dreamed of the day he would walk into my office, dressed in a tuxedo (George looks mighty fine in a tux), and find me in my cube.

Hey Nik, you ready?

he would say just before taking my hand and whisking me off to his jet so we could fly off to his villa in Italy. Don’t worry I had cleared all this with Joe and I had all intentions of sending George’s plane for the boys.

George Clooney attends the Michael Clayton Premiere in Venice during day 3 of the 64th Venice Film Festival on August 31, 2007 in Venice, Italy. 64th Venice Film Festival - "Michael Clayton" - Red Carpet Arrivals Venice, Italy August 31, 2007 Photo by Jeff Vespa/ To license this image (14706418), contact WireImage: U.S. +1-212-686-8900 / U.K. +44-207-868-8940 / Australia +61-2-8262-9222 / Germany +49-40-320-05521 / Japan: +81-3-5464-7020 +1 212-686-8901 (fax) (e-mail) (web site)

When Amal showed up I really didn’t pay her too much attention. After all, she was not the first beautiful, young woman to walk a red carpet with him.

Before long they were engaged but I knew George would break it off. He was never getting married, that is what he ALWAYS said. George was a true bachelor and no way was this Amal person going to get him to the altar.

Alas they were married in Italy (damn her!) and they seem to be living happily ever after (gag!). But that’s fine because I have found myself a new love.

My new love is younger than me and luckily not a part of the Hollywood crowd. In fact he lives in Europe and is in the military.  His parents divorced when he was young but he doesn’t seem too scarred from the ordeal. He has an older brother who’s married with 2 kids – the wife seems so sweet, I hope we can go shopping together.

His extended family is VERY large but I think we would only need to see them on holidays, although his grandmother seems pretty high maintenance.

So it is with a heavy heart that I bid adieu to George. I wish him and Amal the best, well not so much Amal but I am trying to take the high road. Goodbye George……


and hello Harry :)

ps – my love for Harry is ONLY when he has the beard

My Clone

Earlier today I was texting with Mrs. rambling away, as much as you can ramble in a text without the textee losing interest, about back to school night and how this is my first year having to see 4 classrooms to see in one night.

I am a control freak when it comes to the kids but even I had to admit defeat with getting myself to 4 classrooms in an hour and was forced to enlist the husband to come along tonight.  This is husband’s first back to school night and he has no idea what he is in for.

In years past,  I have tried to describe the classroom packed with parents and grandparents and kids (god forbid we leave some of our extended family home) all vying for a minute alone with the teacher to discuss little Johnny’s snack or Mary’s broken pencil box.

Anyway, Jeter was sympathizing and mentioned parent/teacher conferences before getting back to our discussion on how I was over George Clooney when all of the sudden it hit me

Holy Crap! Parent/ teacher conference sign-ups are tonight! Crap! How the hell am I going to manage FOUR conferences this year???????!!!!!

In years past it was just the twins’ conferences I had to deal with and their teachers worked with me to schedule back-to-back conferences. This year is a whole new ballgame. The teachers are still getting to know me and don’t fully appreciate how witty and lovable I am (wink wink).

I may have texted a UGH or GRRRR to Jeter prompting her to reply that I needed a clone before moving on to another topic.

Later I was drafting an oh-so-important letter for work when my mind started to drift and before long I was dreaming about my clone.

What would she look like? What could she do for me? Would she have my same name something more hip?

While most people would prefer to have their clone look exactly like them, hence the reason for actually having a clone, I have decided that my clone to be a better version of myself.

Please join me in meeting and greeting my clone Nik. I hope you love her as much as I do.

Nik will be 5 inches taller AND 10 pounds thinner making her roughly a size 6 which is PERFECTION. In addition, her weight will always stay the same so she will NEVER EVER be forced to have a latte with skim milk or feel shamed for eating pretzels with the lame sandwich she brought for lunch.

She’ll have curly hair, however, her curls will be the perfect combination of volume and bounce that are never frizzy. Her roots never show and she will not have to worry about plucking random grey hairs in the bathroom at work or before an important event where other moms will be present.

Those permanent dark circles under Nik’s eyes, the “hereditary” ones…adios! And so long adult acne!  Damn, Nik will save a fortune not having to buy concealer.

Nik’s a size 6 so getting dressed is a piece of cake. Heck she can’t wait to get dressed because she will look good in everything she owns.

There will be no sense of panic when trying on shorts from last summer or jeans that haven’t been worn since she went to On the Border and took full advantage of the unlimited chips and salsa even after eating a handful of peanut M&Ms at work earlier in the day.

Her clothes will be classic and of a higher quality of what I normally wear. For example, Nik will not  wear Old Navy boyfriend jeans that don’t cuff quite the same as the Level 99 boyfriend jeans worn by super cool fashion bloggers or the hip moms that live in the next town over.

Nik’s patent leather shoes will not be scuffed and the heels on her pumps won’t be damaged from getting caught in the sidewalk while racing into work.

The minivan will be dent and scratch free because Nik is an expert at parallel parking and can back into a parking space like a pro.

Anytime Nik opens her wallet there will be cash – no more ATM fees – and the chip on her debit card will always work in the new check-out machines at Target.

Nik will be an expert and organization and planning and will never have to worry about missing homework, tests to be signed or field trip permission slips. Her credit card payments will never be late and her teeny, tiny box of a house will always look neat and organized.

She  will have one of those personalities that people are drawn to so she will never have to worry about not being included by a group of women at her kids’ sporting event, PTO meeting or department breakfast at work.  People will not look over her when she is speaking or have their eyes glaze over when she is sharing a weekend anecdote.

Nik will always have something clever to say and will never get that spaced out look on her face when colleagues are discussing topics that are way above her pay grade.

She will be assertive but in a good way so the Child Study Team (regular or “summer”) will not make crap up or talk down to her about a “rule” that didn’t exist until that very meeting.

The boys’ teachers will welcome her emails and thank her for being an involved parent and not respond with tone because she dared to ask what the hell a math fact was and (gasp!) how a third grader can become fluent in math factese.

Nik will always make healthy meals that the boys LOVE and will have the family’s weekly meals planned out on Sunday mornings before getting all 4 boys to church at 10am with a smile.

Nik will have the gift of patience and strength to help her get through those god damn reading logs,  f’d up common core math homework sheets, IEPs, autism challenges, behavior issues and sibling bickering because one brother sat too close to another on the big couch or took the last charger for their iPod.

Lastly, Nik will not yell all the time like when she needs to explain to the 9yo that,  yes a shower is necessary after football practice in the rain or when the 5yo ignores the 10 times his name was called because he is watching a Teen Titans rerun on On Demand.

God I LOVE Nik, don’t you?? I just sent her to Starbucks to grab me a Pumpkin Spice Latte, I hope she brings home a biscotti too.  J

#TBT: Fairy Godmother, I have a bone to pick with you


Happy Throwback Thursday everyone!! The following was one of my first posts from back in March 2012. Sadly, it still rings true today (lol).

Thanks for reading and have a good day :)


Originally posted on mommy&everything:

Happy Throwback Thursday everyone!! The following was one of my first posts from back in March 2012. Sadly, it still rings true today (lol).

Thanks for reading and have a good day :)

Dear Fairy Godmother,

It occurred to me today that you and I are suffering from a lack of communication. When I told you years ago that I wanted to be Cinderella when I grew up, I was referring to the Cinderella post-Prince Charming. The one who met a Prince at a ball, fell in love,  had a fairytale wedding and then lived happily ever after in a grand castle with a little princess and prince. Not the Cinderella who works all day, cooks and cleans up after everyone and has to deal with an evil X (substitute mother-in-law, boss, neighbor etc).

I am grateful and truly appreciative of the wishes that you did grant. Meeting my “prince” on a blind date in Hoboken. Falling in love and getting married (our wedding wasnt as fairytale as Kate but…

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Chapter 2

Happy Monday to everyone out there in the great blogosphere! The Garden State is adapting to daylight savings time AND a drastic change in temperature with temps close to 50 degrees today –  having survived below zero temps for most of February 50 degrees will basically feel like July.

Last week I brushed the dust off my blog and attempted a comeback via Blogging 101 which is going a little slower than I had anticipated.

I had visions of jumping back into blogging at full force, cranking out witty and engaging posts daily and now here we are at day 7 and I published ONE post.

Well it’s a new week and I have a plan. In one of my past blogging blocks, I had read an idea about reading over older, unpublished posts that may have gotten lost in your drafts.

Good idea right?

I thought so too and earlier I glanced at my drafts and found this just sitting there. I have no idea why it was never finished but today is as good a day as any right?

Plus this post talks about me getting a new job and tomorrow will be my 1-year anniversary at that new job. It’s fate right? (lol)

So without further ado, I give you “Chapter 2”

ps – Rather than finish this post, I thought it would be fun to do a  “where is she now” ending.

The post you are about to read was drafted in March 2014

Happy Tuesday Wednesday everyone can you believe it’s March already??!! Heck, I just heard on the radio that this weekend is Daylight Savings Time??!!!

A couple of minutes ago, it hit me that I have blogged for 2 years – where did that time go!

I know it sounds cliché but it seems like yesterday that I was sitting at my kitchen table terrified to  hit “publish” on my first post.

A lot has happened and changed over the past 2 years. Really good stuff, really bad stuff and everything in between – such is life right?

To date, I have published close to 180 posts and probably a quarter of them have been me whining about my career/mid-life/unhappiness/unfulfillment.

Let me apologize now.

I’ve heard all the clichés You have to take life by the horns….nothing in life is free….Go after what you want…Anything worth having is worth working for.

Let me also not forget all the inspirational (and sometimes annoying) Facebook quotes about getting what you want and being a strong woman yada yada yada.

While I agree with those sayings – heck, I have even shared and re-posted them on my Facebook timeline – saying it and actually doing it are 2 VERY different things especially if you are in a 13-year comfort zone.

Well it wasn’t easy, it took a lot of pushing, baby steps and some tough love BUT I am happy to say that I DID IT – I GOT A NEW JOB!

Sure in the grand scheme of things, getting a new job is not that big of a deal. People change jobs and careers all the time, it’s the way the world works. However, for me this was a HUGE thing.

I have been at my current job for 13 years…THIRTEEN YEARS! That’s a lifetime in this day in age.

In November 2000, we had entered a new millennium, survived Y2K, had and Facebook did not exist – can you even imagine or remember what that was like? There was no social media, in fact I don’t think that phrase was even coined yet. There were no smart phones, iPads, Androids and apps.

Google was not part of our everyday language and the Twin Towers were still standing at Ground Zero.

There I was newly wed and living in an apartment in Central New Jersey trying my best to find a good bagel store (they don’t exist). Never did I dream that 13 years later I would be working at the same job with 4 boys and a bunch of gray hair!

Back then I was extremely shy (yes I really really was shy) and my face would turn a 100 shades of red if someone dared to speak to me in a public setting…..

Not sure why I never completed that post, it had so much potential. As I read through it I was a little sad, I had forgotten how easy it used to be for me to just write.

I remember how i felt writing that, I was so optimistic and excited to start my new adventure. It was life-changing and I thought for sure it was “my time” to shine – cliché I know.

March 10, 2015 will mark one year since I started my new job.

It has been a mix of good, bad and what-the-hell-was-I-thinking days.

Overall it has been a good learning experience. Change is good and there is a reason it exists. We can’t grow and evolve if we stay in our  “comfort zone” year after year.

Am I 100% happy and fulfilled in the job of my dreams? Hell no! But at least it’s a start. Fingers crossed there is something awesome lurking on the horizon.

Thanks for reading :)

ps – I am not at 184 posts and 3 years of blogging :0

Blogging 101

Wow, I can not believe it has been a year since my last blog post (gasp!!)!!

How can that be?

Back in the good ‘old days of 2012-13 I was blogging almost daily. I had an intimate following and looked forward to my blogging time. It was my alone time, a time when I would block the world out and write about something that was on my mind.

The more I blogged the more comfortable I became sharing my stories, thoughts or anecdotes. While I won’t kid myself into believing my blogs were “works or art” or “profound pieces of blogging literature” (well…at least not all of them), they were honest, sincere and more importantly mine.

Everyday blog ideas would pop in my head as I drove to work, got the kids ready for school or just went about my day. On a really good day, I would start “writing” the blog way before I got in front of my computer – the words forming in my head almost effortlessly.

Then one day I couldn’t think of anything to say. Meh, it’s just writer’s block, I told myself. It’ll pass, give yourself a day or 2 to regroup.

The days turned into weeks, months and now a year!! Yikes what happened?

Over the last year there have been times when I would drive to work and an idea would pop into my head, however, when I got to work I couldn’t get the words out.

I started to worry too much about everything – would people like it? would it be funny enough? relevant enough? popular enough?

Before long I was comparing myself to other bloggers and doubting every thought that came into my head. My blog isn’t smart like Blog Y or Freshly Pressed like X Blog.

Friends and family members would always ask me why aren’t you blogging anymore? where is your blog, it always made me laugh? when will you blog again??

I never had a good answer for them and always felt a little sad after I would give them a lame excuse.

Then last week I was at a happy hour with old co-workers when someone said Hey, what happened to your blogs, you were good at them…I read them all the time.

A day or 2 later I got the email about Blogging 101 and I took it as a sign from the Blogging Gods that I was supposed to come back and write so against my better judgment I signed up.

When I read today’s assignment who am I and why I’m here it made me feel sick. What the hell was I thinking that I could go back to blogging. No one cares what I have to say. What the heck am I supposed to say?

Then I started to read the intros of the other Blogging 101 folks and the panic really started to set in. Geez, those people all have something good to share. Look at how many already wrote a post!

Finally I took a deep breath, got off the couch and dug the laptop out. It had been SO long, I could barely remember how to login to WordPress. My hands shook a little when I hit the new post button but now here I am 546 words later woo hoo!!

This is surely not my best blog but it is a start – it’s all about the baby steps after all.

Lastly, I am making myself a promise in front of you my friends in the great Blogosphere, from this point forward I will blog for me.

I will stop worrying about what others think or what other bloggers are doing and just blog for the sake of blogging – because it makes me happy and feel good about myself.

Thank you for reading. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s assignment :)

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